Wednesday, May 06, 2009

My heart is heavy...

...for my dear friend, Celia. I know the day is fast approaching for you and I wish I could stop time to give you more precious moments. How my heart hurts for you! How I've cried for you! I pray for you constantly-that God give you comfort and strength during such a difficult time. Sometimes I just don't know what to say. Sometimes words can't say enough. Those are the times I wish I could give you a hug. A simple gesture. But I know with a hug you would be able to feel everything that is meant to be said.

I know you love Noah so much. You can see the love in your words but I also feel the pain there too. What you've been dealt is unfair. I could say the same for me, but I honestly feel it more for you. I ask God why does she have to go through this? I don't want your day to come. I frantically think how can I stop this? It's an unrealistic question, really, because there is nothing I can do. Only God has the power here. I feel so helpless. I want to try and make this better in some way but all I can do is pray and try and be a good friend.

I don't like to think about the days that lie ahead for you. I know there will be sweet moments, like meeting Noah. Oh, what a great moment indeed! But I also know of the darker moments. Moments I don't want to speak of. It's these moments that I worry for you. I've wanted to call you but I've been hesitant. I'm not the best in speaking the words I am feeling. I am much better at writing them out. I guess I'm afraid I would say something stupid or something that might upset you and I don't want that at all. You don't need that right now. So I pray for you instead. I plead to God for you. Lord, please give her what we all want the most....time. Lord, please give her a miracle.

I love you. I feel so blessed to have met you (and so many other wonderful anen mommies!). Thank you for being my friend, Celia.

7 comments:

Tracye said...

Holly, I just prayed for you and your family, for strength, peace, encouragement.

I can't imagine what you're going through, but I'm so glad you'll see her again. So many don't have that hope.

HappyascanB said...

What a beautiful post. I am praying right now for you and for your friend.

Celia said...

Thank you so much Holly for those words. They bring me much comfort. I feel all that you feel and so much more.

The funny thing is that I felt the exact same way in the days leading up to your delivery with Carleigh and while in the hospital and now afterwards. My heart aches so deeply for you and at the same time stands in awe of your strength and faith.

I am praying for that same strength and faith to be present in me when Noah arrives. I want to be a shining beacon of hope for all who might see and know the wonder and love of God. Because that is what you are to me: My beacon of hope and strength. I look up to you dear friend so very much.

I am so very grateful that we have become friends, though the circumstances may not have been the best that brought us together.

Also, I feel the same about calling. I don't know what to say and am much better with written words. I feel inadequate simply because my travels are not quite over yet so I can't quite understand "where" you are. But yet I do! It is really a weird feeling.

Just know that I love you and am grateful to have found such a wonderful friend. Thank you so very much!

becky said...

Celia,

I follow so many of the anen. mothers blogs. My heartache for you all and I know none of you except Holly {Carleigh's mommy}. I am her Aunt Becky.
I draw strength from your blog just as I do Holly's. You both are such wonderful examples of Mommies and each of you are woman of strength, faith, honesty and character. You are both truly woman of God and there are so few of you out there. There are many many of us who talk the talk but when faced with making the right choices we sometimes stumble. To me that is what life is all about, picking yourself up off the ground, dusting yourself off, and facing the world and saying I'm gonna keep moving forwrd and I am going to get it right. I want to walk toward that light. Know that my family will lift you up in prayer over the next week as the birth of Noah draws near. Like Holly, I wish I could offer more than words.
I love the following 2 scriptures and I hope you may draw peace and strength from them. and know without any dooubt that the hand of God is on you. He will not leave you comfortless.
Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk, and not faint.
"Know that ye are partakers of the sufferings of an imperfect world so shall ye be also to all the promises of God"
I do so hold onto that believe - because we are imperfect humans, livng in imperfect bodies in an imperfect world, bad things do and will happen to us all. It is how we deal with these dissapointments and sufferings that really matter.
As hard as it is to hold onto your faith....never let go of that thread. It will get you through this dark cloud of despair.

2 Corinthians- "....for when I am weak, then I am STRONG.

I wish you peace and comfort and time with your precious Noah.

Becky

Mom Putnam said...

Celia--Like everyone else I don't know what you are feeling, because I have not been in your shoes, I have been in the shoes of a grandmother who lost her granddaughter and the pain was/is so unbearable. But the love I have in my heart for Jesus and the faith got me through and continue to this day. I will pray for you and your family just like everyone did for Holly and Anthony and our families. Through prayer you will not be alone.
Linda

Nicole said...

Awwww!

If I could have one wish in life it would be this-That not one more mother would ever have to know the pain that we have known and go through the heartache of seeing a much wanted baby die when there is nothing we can do to stop it from happening.
((hugs)) Celia, I will be thinking of you sweetie!

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Praying for Celia...

Love to you both...

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