Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I WIll Be Your Voice

I wrote this poem towards the end of my post-abortive counseling for Jordan's memorial. This poem was also the inspiration for the theme "Will You Be The Voice?" for my local women's center fundraising banquet last year and it was shared during that time. A left a copy of this poem at the National Memorial for the Unborn when we visit last October.

I Will Be Your Voice

When I look back on that time
It fills me with regret.
The day I had an abortion-
A day I’ll never forget.

I should have been so glad
To be carrying you in me,
But instead I was filled with fear.
So scared and so lonely.

I thought my only option
Was to get rid of you.
It’s not what I really wanted.
I couldn’t face what was true.

Instead of telling my parents
I made the dreaded call.
I didn’t want to disappoint them.
I thought it was best for all.

The day soon came to get it done.
The memory is just a blur.
They said you weren’t a baby.
Just a burden they would cure.

I woke up in recovery
So cold and so numb.
I didn’t realize at the time
Exactly what I had done.

Five years I have denied you,
But no longer can that be.
Your sister opened up my eyes
To the reality I now see.

I murdered you that day-
December 19th of 2002.
But I know that God has forgiven me.
He’s made my life brand new.

No longer am I filled
With all the grief and shame.
He took it all away from me
And I’ll never be the same.

I know that you’re in heaven
Looking down from up above,
But I wish you were here with me,
My baby, whom I love.

It hurts that we’re apart right now
But God still needs me here.
Though He’s preparing a room for me
In a place with no more tears.

Dear Jordan, Mommy’s sorry
For making the wrong choice.
I promise I’ll make it up to you.
I will be your voice.

~Holly Haas, June 2008

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Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

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