Tuesday, April 28, 2009

One Month

Today it has been exactly one month since my little Carleigh was born and left us for Heaven. And I honestly didn't even realize it until someone mentioned it to me. I had wrote a fellow grieving mother, also named Holly, a message to check up on her and she had said that on April 25 it had been a month since her baby, Freja, had been born and then mentioned that it was a month for me too. My first thought was "are you serious?"

Has it been a month already? Has it been a month since I labored and gave birth to my precious little girl? Has it been a month since I held her in my arms and told her how much I loved her? Has it been a month since I kissed her sweet face and said goodbye? Yes....it has.

It seems that a month has passed by so quickly and yet it also feels like it has been longer than a month if that makes any sense. I still miss her very much. My heart still aches. Oh great, now I'm crying.....but I won't try and stop the tears because I need this. Sometimes my life feels so busy that I don't have time to just stop and let out what I'm really feeling. I tell people I am ok, but am I? Am I ok?

I truly believe for the most part I am. You see, I grieve with hope. I miss Carleigh so very much but I know she is in a beautiful place and that some day I will be with her and Jesus. And, you know, I can't think of a more wonderful place to be. The lyrics to Steven Curtis Chapman's song With Hope pretty much says it all:

We can cry with hope, we can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end
We can grieve with hope because we believe with hope
There’s a place where we’ll see your face again

Today is a little more difficult than it has been but I will get through this day and the next....with hope. If you don't mind, please take a moment and say a prayer today for all the grieving mothers. Pray that they have hope.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Happy bittersweet one month momma! I know Jesus is holding sweet Carleigh singing her a lullabye. ((((HUGS))))

Anonymous said...

It doesn't seem possible that she has been gone for a month. Her love is so strong that it seems like she is still here with us. The both of you are in my prayers tonight (as always). May God help you celebrate without any tears. I will ask God to sing her a song for you. I love you both.

love----Aunt Jenny

Brooks said...

Wow, a month. It just seems too new still. We're praying for you and all grieving mothers (and fathers). Eternal families truly are God's most precious gift.

amber hansen said...

oh holly, it doesn't seem a month already. it seems like just yesterday that you were in labor and yet a year ago as well. i know how you feel on the time playing tricks. don't feel bad for crying, and don't feel bad if you need to cry. I understand and am here for you if you ever need me. your friend online and through cafemom gabby2lover.

amber hansen

Christina said...

Love and hugs fron New Jersey!

Celia said...

It does not seem like it has been that long....and I can understand why it might seem longer. We start grieving for them before they are even born, while they are still inside our tummies, when we get the awful diagnosis. Still, I felt the same way...shocked and a little in disbelief when I realized the date of today.

You know that I always am mindful and fully in prayer for you as well as all the other moms out there in our situation. Just know that I am thinking of you...

Kristin said...

Holly,

I will definitely be praying for you.
Thanks also for stopping by my boutique and for the encouragement. I really appreciate it!

Kristin

Jenn said...

I really love that song. I had never heard it until I started looking for songs for Cora's funeral. It's almost been a month for me too. You're right it has gone by really fast. Everything seems as if it just happened yesterday.

jennagale said...

It's hard to believe that it's been a month already. Your strength inspires me!

Erica said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. Our daughter is up in heaven as well. If you ever need to talk or vent, just know that I am here for you. Hugs to you.

Mom Putnam said...

I, too, cannot believe it has been a month already. But, no matter how much time passes she will always be in our hearts and that to me is like she is still here with us. Grandma loves you Carleigh and misses you so much. I am sure your paradise in Heaven is more beautiful than our paradise on earth(Hawaii). Till that day...

* April's Mom * said...

I just updated my post with Celia's blog link! Hope this helps!

B

Stephanie said...

It has been a month. I remember when you first found me on cafemom. You had just lost Carleigh. I wondered wow, how is this mom even able to get on the comp, let alone cafemom. I must say that coming in contact with you has been a pleasure, athough I hate the circumstances under which we've met.
Carleigh is safe in heaven being well taken care of, you two will meet again, and all these months and yrs that will pass will only seem like mins. BIG HUGS to you.

Jessica said...

Always praying Holly =] We love Carleigh ((my family and I)) and my little Brianna talks with her in her prayers. I will keep other mother and fathers on topic also.

Bless,
Jessica

4 Lettre Words said...

Bless you.

P.S. Your post signature is truly precious.

Stephanie said...

I saw that Julie designed your blog and I had to stop by..I think she does such a greatjob!!!!

I'm praying for your family...your little girl is adorable and I think your strength is amazing and such an inspiration!

My Forever Child said...

Thinking of you Holly on Carleigh's 1 month anniversary.

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