Monday, April 06, 2009

The few days after

It's been a few days since Carleigh's service and burial and I'd just like to write down my thoughts of the past few days. Mostly I have kept myself busy. I've been working on Carleigh's scrapbook to try and get that finished as quickly as I can. It's a lot of work and very time consuming but it's turning out great so far. I need to get a really nice memory box to put all of Carleigh's keepsakes in. I'd really like it to be made out of wood. (If anyone knows of where I can get one or knows of someone who could make one I'd really appreciate your input.) Right now all of her keepsakes are strewn across Kyndra's bedroom floor along with her scrapbook.

We continue to get cards in the mail and thank you to anyone who has sent one. Every card, note, etc we have received is in Carleigh's box we got from her prayer shower. It's getting pretty full! We have flowers all over our house from the visitation and service so our house is quite fragrant right now. As I'm sitting here there are white lilies beside me that smell so pretty.

The day after Carleigh's service we decided to go to church. They were having an Easter egg hunt for the kids and we wanted to let Kyndra participate. She got a total of 3 eggs. Silly little girl was more interested in picking and squashing dandelions with her fingers. Her hands were all yellow. The day was good and I think being in the Lord's house helped. I thought a lot about Carleigh and I missed her very much. We didn't go out to the cemetery to see her. I'd really like to wait until her marker is up. Then I can take some flowers out and put them in her little vase beside her marker. Today has been pretty good too. We had a member of my church family bring us some food-chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn. Thanks! It's really nice not having to worry about what to make for supper. We'll be getting supper a couple other times this week too.

I dunno.....it just feels a little wrong just going on with our normal lives. I don't want normal. I want my daughter. I want it to always feel like I was just I holding her. I always want to remember what it felt like to have her with me. I don't want her to be forgotten. Most of the time I feel pretty good. My mood is light and I am happy most of the time but there are times when my heart truly aches for Carleigh. If it weren't for Kyndra I would have no trouble leaving this world right now if it were my time. I know I can't leave my daughter here without her mommy so the plan is to stick around until a ripe, old age.

17 comments:

Sailor and Co said...

thank you for sharing...every day I think of you and your family...every day I try my hardest not to take what I have for granted....

Angela said...

I am so very sorry for your pain and loss and my prayers are with you. Thank you for sharing your hearts and your precious girl with us.

Jodi Lansink said...

You are so strong! I keep up with your blog, as I think my whole family does! I will be having my little girl this summer, and your blog has helped me so much, in planning, and seeing your strength. Thank you for that!!

I have also started a blog for Jillian if you would like to keep up with our journey...
http://storyofjilliangrace.blogspot.com/

Jodi

Andi Soergel said...

Your little Carleigh will never be forgotten and her story won't end! God will use you and Carleigh's story to touch other people as long as you let Him! It has brought so much joy to our lives to share our Haven's story with other people. I think one of the reasons God allows us to go through things is to help other people. My prayer has always been that God would help me to learn every lesson he wanted me to learn through the experience. 5 years after Haven's birth, he still touches people's hearts. I am praying that your heart is comforted in the knowledge that God's plan for Carleigh's life doesn't stop just because her life here did. God Bless!

Misty said...

Thinking of you ALWAYS!

Anonymous said...

Carleigh will never be forgotten! I'm glad to see that you are feeling good. If you ever need anything I'm just a short drive away. I hope you all have a great Easter and I should have the photos from Carleigh's service on the way soon :) Anyways, I was just checking up on you!

Love,
Ashley

Mom Putnam said...

Honey, I don't ever want you to feel that life isn't worth going on, because it is. You have your sweet precious Kyndra who loves her mommy so much and Carleigh will NEVER be forgotten NEVER!!!!! I am here as long as you need me and whatever you need me for. That's what being a mom is all about. xoxox-I love You
Mom

Alissa said...

I have been thinking of you every day and I wounder how one gose on with a life after carring around a angel for 8months like you so strongly did then go back to a life of not haivng your angel inside or even outside in your world? Its hard to even imagine
how one would do this. Dont ever think I would forget Carleigh or her story. Your such a great mommy Holly and I only wish I could be nearlly half the mother you are for your little girls. Both your girls are bessed to have you as there mommy. I love you Holly!

Anonymous said...

Thinking about you and your family God Bless you!

Penny said...

Peace be with you all! I am glad you are able to feel okay. Carleigh is still with you in so many ways. I agree with your sentiment that Kyndra helps to keep your feet planted. My older kids were my Godsend after we lost Mackenzie. Without them I could have just never gotten out of bed again.
Prayers for peace.............

Dave and Shana said...

You are doing great, I really do look up to you. You seem so strong, you're amazing.

Your Carleigh will never be forgotten, for all of us that have shared in your experience and the life and death of your beloved angel through real time or the internet, it will be impossible. She has imprinted her image in our brains and her beautiful angel-like face will be there forever.

Betty said...

Luke was my rock like that once...the reason I kept going. We have the most amazing bond because of it.

How big of a box do you need. My grandpa might be able to help you out, but I would need specifics. Any designs, size, wood type. I'd have to ask of course, but he does that sort of thing.

becky said...

Holly tell us what you want and out of what wood and we will build your memory box. We would be honored to do it for Carleigh.

stitchndeb said...

Hi Holly, the lesson I learned from Carleigh is that you can do something God wants you to do even though it's painful. That inspires me not to give up either even though I don't understand what my trials are for. I really admire you. ~Debbie

Lisa said...

Holly,
I would love to make a box for you. I use the photo safe boxes or the paper mache'. You can see some of the examples here: http://kellysklues.blogspot.com/2009/01/few-photos-from-christmas.html
You can choose the color, size, etc. I can embroider Carleigh's name on it as well.
Please let me know if you think those materials might work for you and if so, what size and color you'd like.
This would be my gift to you and your family!

jennagale said...

I feel that God has done this to test your faith in Him. You are a BA Christian and maybe he's testing you. You have passed with flying colors and you have God's grace. He is working through you as you write Carleigh's blog, and as you educate people about anencephaly. You are teaching people to not take life for granted, and to count their blessings. You are an inspiration and an amazing mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend.....
love ya!
Jen

Brooks said...

I'm sorry it's hard for you. But I'm not sorry that you loved your little girl so much. I think I'm a better mother to Piercen. My friend, Kat, said she thinks all moms need to read your blog. Thinking of you!

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