Saturday, August 08, 2009

Sibling Grief/The Next Pregnancy



Walking With You was created by Kelly of Sufficient Grace Ministries to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. To join in on Walking With You please visit Kelly's blog.

This week, we are sharing about the effect our loss(es) had on our children. If you did not have children at the time of your loss, we are also sharing about subsequent pregnancies (after the loss). If you have not had a pregnancy following the loss, yet, you may share your feelings about facing your next pregnancy.

When Carleigh was born Kyndra was 15 months old. She really didn't know what was going on. She hadn't grasped that mommy had a baby in her belly or that there was anything wrong with her. Carleigh was born very early in the morning and Kyndra was so tired that she really didn't stay awake long enough to see her much. When she visited us later I don't know what she thought of Carleigh. She poked at her a couple times and then went off to play. Oh, the innocence of a child. :)

Right now, I still don't think Kyndra realizes much about Carleigh. I take her out to the cemetery with me a lot. She loves to run her fingers over the lettering in Carleigh's headstone and when we leave I tell her to give sissy a kiss and she kisses (and sometimes licks) her headstone. It's such a sweet thing.

Hannah (who is 9) wasn't present at Carleigh's birth. She lives with her mom and stepdad in Louisiana. We had seen her not long before over her spring break from school. It was decided that Hannah wouldn't be there for both the birth and the funeral. We were able to take Hannah to the cemetery when we had her for the summer. I'm honestly not sure how she feels about it all as we don't get to see her a whole lot. Anthony probably knows more about that than I do.

Right now Anthony and I are TTC. I knew that I would want to start trying not long after we would say goodbye to Carleigh. For some people it may take years to get to that point while others feel ready right away. We just felt ready and we knew we weren't trying to replace Carleigh in any way. She could never be replaced.

We have been trying since June with no luck yet and it has been frustrating for me because it's something I want so badly. I know it hasn't been that long but every time it doesn't happen I'm so let down. I know God's timing is perfect but I wouldn't complain if He'd hurry up already. (hint hint, God)

12 comments:

Ms. Sarah said...

Thank you for sharing. I will send you prayers. Maybe August is your month.Hugs Hon.

Just Breathe said...

I will pray to God to get going with your prenancy. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Jess said...

My younges who is two didn't understand very much about my daughter's death either. I know he will begin to understand more as he gets older, and I think they will be blessed with greater sensitivity for others as they learn more about their siblings in heaven.

I hope you have luck soon with TTC. I haven't felt ready yet emotionally, but I hope I will soon, because the rest of our family is ready. :) I really enjoy your blog and have been touched by Carleigh's story!
((HUGS))
Jess

Emily said...

Just chuckling at the image of Kyndra licking the gravestone. Someday those memories will be brought up over the Thanksgiving dinner table somewhere!

God hears me every night, praying for you, and me, and Trisha, and all the other DBM's that are TTC. Pretty soon we're all going to be blogging about our rainbow babies. Or phoenix babies, if you prefer. Rising from the ashes - I like that thought, don't you?

Linda said...

Hi Holly, I will pray for you about being able to conceive. I know you are wanting it so badly.

Did your doctor tell you to take the prenatal vitamins beforehand because they are high in Folic acid? (I am sure you know that because you are so informed on everything. I thought I would throw it in just in case.)

Love ya,
Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

Trisha Larson said...

Oh, how I wish that my kids were younger and didn't understand what it was like when Nate died. I feel so bad that they lost their innocence and that they had to experience such a tragedy in their childhood. It's not supposed to be like that.

Like Emily, I am praying that we can all get pregnant again. I'm at a good place now. I believe that I would be able to enjoy this pregnancy and new life without being completely terrified. It would be so nice to be able to be pregnant together and support eachother. I would love that. And yes, I agree that sooner would be better than later, God.

Trisha

Mary Ellen said...

Praying that ttc is a short journey for you :-) We are currently ttc as well so I am sending us both lots of Healthy Baby Dust :-)

MommyIvy said...

I hope that you get that BFP soon Holly!

Mom Putnam said...

Honey-I know how much you want a baby and I want it for you but sometimes when we want something so badly and that is all we are focused on nad thinking about it takes longer to get it. Hope you can try and focus on other things and then it might happen, I know b/c that is exactly what happened to me when i wanted babies.
love you so much and always praying for you

croleyc69 said...

Thanx for sharing & I'm praying for Anthony & you to have another Baby soon. Sending you some baby dust. HUGS :)
Caroline

Jennifer Ross said...

I take my boys up to Isaiah's grave a lot too. It allows them to still be a part of his life. We take little things up to him and they help me keep his stone clean. It's very sweet how your daughter kisses her sister's stone. The children are just so innocent.

Sorry that I don't have any special powder to blow down to Ohio. (You had wrote about that in one of my post) I will keep you in my prayers though, and pray for the Lord to bless you and your family with a sweet little one. Yes, as you stated, our children will NEVER be replaced.

Love,
Jenny

My Very Own Angel said...

Thank you for sharing, You will fall pregnant soon, I surely hope before Kyndra hits the terrible two's then you may change your mind, lol. I think it's awesome that you take her with you to visit Carleigh, when she does get older and she does wonder about her you will have so many wonderful stories to tell her about how she was included in the whole thing. I think that is what will matter most to our young ones.
luv you

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