My Lunch Date

For the past 2 months I have been trying to meet up with Monica. I'm gonna bet that most don't remember who Monica is so I'll let you know. She works on the Mother Baby Care Unit at my hospital where I work and where I also got Carleigh's diagnosis and delivered her. Monica was my first nurse the day I went in for my induction and she is the nurse who has the most bereavement training and is in charge of that area.

We had been emailing back and forth at work but always missing each other until today when we were finally able to meet up. It was a busy day for her up on the floor but she made time to meet me for lunch and I'm very glad she did that. We both usually don't eat in the cafeteria but we did today and it was weird! lol

Monica asked how I was doing and I told her pretty well and we chit chatted a little more. I asked her what keepsakes they provided for families and we went over all that. I told her I wanted to be able to provide families with a baby book as that is something they may not know exists and regular baby books just aren't appropriate. Let's face it, grieving parents do not want to flip through a baby book and see pages that will never be filled but should. That's just too hard.

I told her about Kelly and Sufficient Grace Ministries and talked to her about the Dreams of You memory book and the Comfort Bear. I want to provide my hospital with these 2 keepsakes for as long as I'm alive and able. Monica was really interested in both of these keepsakes. She thought both would be things that families would want. She really liked the idea of the Comfort Bear. She knows how empty arms can ache.

We talked about other things too. I was surprised to find out that there are families that do not want any keepsakes at all. No footprints, no pictures, nothing. I have a difficult time comprehending that as I can't imagine not having any keepsakes for Carleigh. Her keepsakes mean a lot to me. Perhaps that's because I never want her memory to fade. I guess some families just want to put it behind them? They have some keepsakes that are still waiting for the parents to pick them up. Monica said that they will keep them forever in case some time down the road the family would want them. I think it's great that they do that.

Monica tried to get a support group going but it never really panned out. One person came once and that was it. I thought more people would want to be part of a support group but I guess not. I am certainly open to being a part of one if there comes a time when somebody shows an interest. I know it would be good for whoever needed it to have people there.

I asked Monica if there were any other families that ever knew ahead of time that their baby was going to die. Apart from me, there has only been 1 and that family only knew right before they went in to deliver.

After we finished lunch, we set that I would come up to the floor in a few minutes so that she could show me their 'angel cart' where they keep all the keepsakes. I'd also get to see the memorial quilt hanging in the hall. It's a quilt where parents can have their babies' names stitched on if they died. I had them put Carleigh's name on the quilt. So after I checked in with my department I headed on up to the unit and once I went through the doors I saw the quilt. So I went over and I looked at it and I found her name in the lower left corner. It's always good to see my daughter's name.


After looking at the quilt for a few minutes I went to find Monica. I waited for a few minutes while she tended to a patient. It sure was a busy day for them up there! When she was able to spare a few minutes she took me down to the nursery to the angel cart. She showed me the memory boxes, baby bibles, impression kits, gowns, quilts, cards with the baby rings and lockets of hair. They have a great collection of stuff for families. I know I am thankful they had the impression kits as the one we had didn't work out at all.

She said that they wanted to do more for me but I already had everything planned out and ready. lol Yeah, that sounds like me. :) I pretty much had every single detail planned out. We talked more about the memory book and comfort bear. I'm going to make sure they have at least 3 of each ready for families. She mentioned losses seem to come in three's. I've heard that before. When she asked about paying for the book and bear I told her that I would take care of it. It's something I want to do.

After my visit on the unit I went back to my department and emailed Kelly about getting the memory books and bears. Kelly blessed me by telling me that she would give me the books and the bears I need right now at no charge. You are just so generous Kelly and I love you to pieces! I know that the families that will receive these special keepsakes will cherish them and be thankful.

Later when I got home I got into Carleigh's keepsake tote so that I could get her prints to make a copy of them and I found my own comfort bear and memory book that Kelly had given me. The memory book is still not filled out but I will do that some day. I guess I don't feel really rushed since her small baby book has everything in it. I did pull my comfort bear out of the tote to keep out. I think I would like to snuggle with it and I don't know why I haven't done it before. So I snuggled with my bear while I read through Dreams of You and got teary-eyed. I wish I didn't even have to fill the book out but I also know that had I not walked this road the good things that have and currently are happening might not have happened at all.