A Precious Goodbye

Walking With You was created by Kelly of Sufficient Grace Ministries to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. To join in on Walking With You please visit Kelly's blog.

This 4th week, we are sharing about saying goodbye and experiencing the memorial service or funeral if applicable.

By the time Carleigh made her arrival, every detail of the funeral arrangements had been planned. We had 4 months to prepare. (Click here, here, here, and here.)The only thing we did afterward was go over the order of the service with our pastor.

Carleigh was born March 28 and we had her first visitation on the evening of April 3 and a visitation the morning before her service on April 4. We had lots of family and friends travel to come see us and Carleigh. I was glad to see so many had made the trip. It really meant a lot to me.

I got to the funeral home that Friday evening long before we expected anybody to arrive. I wanted to spend as much time with Carleigh as possible. When I got there I realized I had forgotten Carleigh's fuzzy pink blanket and I was upset. I needed her fuzzy pink blanket to hold her in. My dad went back to our house and got it for me. I felt so much better once she was wrapped in it.

Slowly people came...family, friends, coworkers, church members, neighbors. I held Carleigh the entire visitation except for the few times Anthony held her and the times my cousins Amber and Jayme held her. There were tears, both from me and from others, but for the most part the atmosphere was light. My mood was generally good because I was so happy to see my little girl again and the sorrow of the moment rarely broke through my joy. Leaving her there was a little difficult.

Saturday I got around early again so that I could be at the church to have some time with her before everyone arrived. I set up a table with some of her keepsakes to share with everyone. Once my arms were empty of these things I went straight to my daughter and picked her up. She never left my arms until I had to put her in the casket after the service.

The service was very good. (Ashley took pics for us and we videotaped it.) We had a few family members share some things and we watched a slideshow of Carleigh. I was much teary-eyed throughout the service. Afterward family and friends filed through to where we were and said their condolences and left the sanctuary. Soon it was just our extended family. After they had said their goodbyes to Carleigh, Anthony and I walked our daughter to her casket and spent some last moments with her. I didn't want to put her in there. I wanted to walk out of that church and take her with me. But I knew what I wanted wasn't feasible. So I laid our daughter in her lavender and white casket. I kissed her over and over and told her I loved her. Anthony did the same. I covered her up with her blanket and gave her more kisses.

Then I had to close the casket.

I managed to do it and then I turned around and walked away. Anthony and I walked right out of the sanctuary and out of the church. We waited by the hearse to wait for her. My brother-in-laws carried her out and put her in the back. Then we got in the limo and headed out to the cemetery. Kyndra kept things from getting too emotional on the ride there. She was smiling and having fun. Oblivious to all the pain and sorrow.

At the cemetery we gathered around her plot and our pastor said a few words. Then everybody just stood around. Nobody moved. We all just stared at her little casket. It was quiet except for the 2 horses beside the cemetery that came to the fence to watch us. People started coming up and hugging us one by one. After a while sitting there I finally stood up and told Anthony it was time. We walked back to the limo and went back to our church for a meal.

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I guess what I would tell parents is don't be afraid to speak up about your wishes and desires. Don't worry if people don't agree with them. At that time, it only matters what you want. I'm sure some people question why I would hold my daughter the entire time. I loved it. I knew I would never get those moments back and I wanted to spend them with her in my arms. Before long they would be empty forever.

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Philippians 3:20-21
But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.