Monday, January 05, 2009


We met with Brian at Fisher & Edgington Funeral Home to go over pre-arrangements for Carleigh's funeral. I kept it together better than I expected. We met at 6:15pm and were there for about 1 hour. Our Pastor, Mark B, was already there to help support us. We went in and Brian greeted us and formally introduced himself. He said he was sorry for our situation and what we had to go through. Evidently, Mark informed him somewhat of our situation so we didn't really get into that. We sat down and started going over things. Brian took down information about us and our families for the obituary. We will probably have listings in Findlay's and Carey's papers (our hometowns) plus Wilmington's.

Brian went over all the expenses with us. For babies, transportation and professional services, like embalming, are free. We decided that we are going to have the service itself at our church since the home can only hold 75-100 people and we really don't know how many to expect so we'd rather be on the safe side and have the extra room. We will probably have a visitation the night before the service. I don't know how many people plan on coming to the visitation but we're going to have it anyway. We want to have the service on the weekend so more family will be able to attend. Services on the weekend cost more but that doesn't matter. I would very much like to have an open casket. We'll have a bonnet on Carleigh's head so no one has to see that. I hope that during delivery she doesn't get much facial bruising. If the bruising is bad then we may rethink the open casket.

There are 2 cemeteries we are deciding on: Springfield Friends and Sugar Grove. Sugar Grove is located in town and is more expensive than Springfield Friends. Anthony prefers Springfield Friends but I want to go see each one and see the different rules and visiting hours of each before I decide. When we buy Carleigh's lot we are also going to buy ours that way we will be able to be beside her. If we wait later this may not be possible. We went over "cash advances", which is services the funeral home will do for us (newspaper notices, getting copies of the death certificate, grave marker, cemetery, flowers) and how much they would cost. It's nice that they can take care of these services for us so we don't have to.

The part that got to me the most was the caskets. Brian brought out several examples. One was a plastic-type one with an included vault and then a styrofoam one. I did not care for either of these, especially the styrofoam, but I know he has to offer them. He then showed us the booklet with the different types of caskets we can order. I started crying. My little girl is going to have to go in one of those and I don't want her to. It gets to me now just thinking about it. We didn't decide anything then on caskets or vaults but have since decided we are going with a steel vault and most likely a steel casket. Don't know which steel casket yet though. Copper is the best you can get I guess but the price is outrageous for both the vault and the casket so we didn't even think about getting that kind.

I asked Brian that once she has passed if they will come to the hospital to get her and he said they would. I don't want Carleigh going to the morgue. I want her in my arms until she is taken to the funeral home. If by chance we are able to take her home with us then we will have to call the coroner to confirm she has passed and they will come to our home and get her. We set up a follow-up appointment on January 21 so we have time to think about some of the things we want or to come up with any questions for him. Kyndra behaved pretty well during the visit. She mostly played with her toys until she messed her pants and got hungry. Pastor Mark prayed for us before we left, which made me cry. We drove home and talked about a few things. I had Anthony call my dad and let him know about some things since he is paying for it.

I kept wondering beforehand how I was going to get through the meeting without breaking down. I am amazed at the strength that God gave me.


mchecchia said...

YOu are strong and I am sorry to hear that you had to go through this difficult time. God is with you and your family in this hard time . Carliegh has a wonderful mom and a strong one and she knows this and loves you....

Janet said...

Writing with tears in my eyes, praying for strength for you and your whole family. What a sad, sad situation you are in. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with such heartache at your young age.

Bethany Becker said...

Holly, Im so sorry for this. I am on ABFA and thats how I heard about you. My daugther Claire was diagnosed with anencephaly in August and she was born in October. I know how hard the funeral arrangements are. You are so strong. I was never able to go to the funeral home. I made my husband and dad do that for me. I wouldn't even go to the cemetary to pick the plot. I will be praying for you! Bethany Becker

Betty "Jackson" said...

OMG. Yeah. Cried. I really dont know how you are getting through all this other than God. There is just no way. I cant even FATHOM having to do all that. You are ALWAYS in my thoughts and, more importantly, in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

I am in tears yet again. You are so strong & even though you may not feel it, you are! The fact that you are able to plan Carleigh funeral and still be such a great mommy to Kyndra! I hope that if this same nighmare was to happion to me that I could be nearly half as strong as you. I think about you and Carleigh every day-I pray for you and Carleigh every day too. (((hugs))) to you!

jordan wood said...

I just wanted to say you are the best mommy ever!!!! And FAR FAR stronger than I could ever be.I admire your decision to carry to term. Your in my prayers....

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