Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Carleigh's stone is up!

I'm happy to report that Carleigh's headstone is finally up! I'm not sure when it was put up but when I made a visit to the cemetery today to check on it there it was! The only thing missing still is her vase which will go in the empty space you see next to the stone on top. Once that is up I can put some flowers in there. (Plus more dirt needs to be filled in.)
(*Edit/Update* I found out that her stone was actually put up today (7/14) and that her vase should be installed in just a few days.)

I had my hopeful anticipation driving up and into the cemetery just like the times before but this time I wasn't disappointed. Pulling in I always look to this one black headstone because hers is almost directly behind it. Usually I see nothing but today I saw a stone sitting behind and I got so excited. I was so relieved to finally see something there and not just empty space.

I pulled up and parked and got out for a closer look.

This is what I have been waiting for all these months. A stone to mark my little girl's presence in the world. I sat down with my back against it and just rested there for a bit. Then I saw a pretty big spider on the ground and didn't want it crawling down my pants so I got up.

I faced her stone and I dusted off the dirt. I wished I had a dust rag at that moment to clean it better. I traced the letters with my fingers. I rested my hand over her name.

This is it, baby girl. This was the final step. The one last physical thing I could do for you.

I called Anthony and told him the stone was up and he asked if I was coming home soon. I guess it was time for me to go home. So I got up and walked back to the van but then I stopped. I turned around and went back and I left a kiss on her stone for her. That's the closest I can come to kissing her now. Then I walked away with a single tear in my eye, but glancing back often.

I drove home thankful and blessed. I blasted Born Again by Third Day the whole ride and sang quite loudly. I'm so glad that I have the hope of seeing my daughter again.

40 comments:

MommyIvy said...

Im so glad its finally up! It is beautiful Holly. Your post made me cry, it was so touching.

croleyc69 said...

So happy for you & yes it is the final thing on earth that you can do for her. Now we just wait w/ the hope of seeing our loved ones again one day soon. I don't want to take up all your space but the part about cleaning it, my grandparents used to take care of a church cemetery & after they mowed Grandma would wipe alot of the graves off. After my Grandpa died Grandma would take a bowl of soapy water & wash the stone. I used to think that was something but I know after losing someone close to you it's important. Just thought I would share that with you. Again I'm happy & bet that Carleigh is looking down & smiling. HUGS :)
Caroline

Sarah Flint said...

That is So awesome! I'm so glad its up!!

Mom Putnam said...

well, I did it again, I cried. It brings me to tears to see it and yet somehow I know she is joyful. I long to hug you my darling daughter, I miss you so much it hurts. I miss Kyndra nad Anthony too but my heart yearns for my daughter to hold.Hope to see you soon. I love you so much-xoxoxo

Lisa said...

I'm so glad its up :) Such a lovely tribute to her beautiful life..

Stacy D said...

Beautiful post, and beautiful headstone. I know it is so hard to feel like it's the last physical thing you can do for your child. It took us a long time ot order Isaac's, wanting to get it just right.

Still praying for you...

stitchndeb said...

Oh good to hear! I'm glad the wait is over! ~Debbie

Jessica said...

your writting makes me cry everytime. Not that I am sad, well I am, but how beautifully it is wrote and just how deep and filled with emotion it is! AAW it warms my heart Holly. Her stone is amazing and I love everything about it!! Finally!! Take care Holly =]

Just Breathe said...

My Dear Holly, I am so happy for you, I know how you have been waiting. It is a beautiful stone.
What a beautiful stone in memory of Carleigh. God Bless You.

Krystal said...

Oh the head stone is wonderful! She is so lucky to have a mommy like you, so loving!

Betty said...

I am so glad that the stone is finally up. Now you can relax. Your post made me cry. I'm sure she is very thankful that you have marked the earth for her. She left her mark on you, and you left her's on the world. I'm so glad that you will one day get to see her again! What a great reunion to look forward too.

Emily said...

It's beautiful!

Holly said...

Thanks everyone! I think it turned out so wonderful.

~Paisley's Mommy~ said...

So glad to hear! The stone is beautiful! I know you've been waiting for this day for a while. Keeping you and your family in my prayers!

Trisha Larson said...

I must tell you that this post touched my heart deeply. Nate died almost 16 months ago and we still haven't picked out his stone. We've only been back to the cemetary once. I don't like it there. It makes me sad. Really, really sad. But after reading that, I do want to get his marker in. I do want to forever mark his existence here on earth. It is important. I need to do it.

Love,

Trisha

Andi said...

It's beautiful, Holly! I love what you had written on it! You should make a print of the cool pic with your hand on it and frame it!

Jennifer said...

Holly
glad to see they finally got to it. it looks great and now the grave looks complete I know Carleigh is looking doen and she aproves of it

Ms. Sarah said...

oh Holly I am so glad that headstone was finally placed for you. beautiful. I teared up when I saw the picture of your hand

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Oh hon...I'm so glad that the stone is finally there! It's beautiful, Holly...

Tearing up with you...

Lea said...

Holly - it's perfect for your perfect little girl.

Strength to you

Nickel Pickle said...

Its so beautiful!! I am so happy it is finally up!! Having a headstone up for Logan was very very important for me too so I can totally relate to you on this. Such a beautiful color, so feminine & girly.

I remember going to visit Logan Christmas Day less than a month after his death & being so surprised his stone was already up! The vase & picture were not on yet, but I didn't care. I was just happy I could leave his little Christmas tree there for him...

Again I am so happy for you! Now they just need to get that vase on there & you will be able to leave beautiful flowers for your baby girl.

Kari said...

It's beautiful!

April said...

how lovely holly. I know this final step was a big and there can be a bit of closure for things left undone. What a sweet moment for you to experience with Carleigh watching over you.

HappyascanB said...

I remember when we first saw my Dad's stone. Relief that it's finally there. Anguish to see the death, quite literally, set in stone. And the cloth? Get you one and keep it in your trunk. That way, anytime you stop, you can wipe off Carleigh's stone! Beautiful pictures. And I praise God for your HOPE, Holly!!! You are beautiful!!

The McDaniel's said...

Im soo happy that it is up! I love your words, they touch me!~MONICA

Anonymous said...

Well here I sit one more time with tears rolling down my checks. It is so beautiful and it is just right for our princess Carleigh. My heart aches for her. I wish I would of been able to spend time with her just like the other grandchildren but someday we will see her again. I love you guys mom haas

Rebecca said...

Oh Holly ~ the marker is so lovely. You did Carleigh proud! Glad to see you did not have to drive away dissapointed again.

Lauren said...

Her stone is beautiful. Praying for your strength. I just know that Carleigh and my Four are great friends up in heaven. I totally believe that! We will be with them again one say in heaven!

Love,
Lauren

Christina said...

What a beautiful beautiful headstone!

Love & Hugs

Emily said...

Hooray! I'm so glad.... Big smile!

Anonymous said...

Holly, it is beautiful - you and Anthony did such a good job in selecting the stone.I'm rejoicing with you that it is up and that, indeed, death is not the end. Carleigh is alive in Heaven with Jesus.
Blessings, Sarita

Lynnette Kraft said...

Holly, it's a beautiful stone and I'm so glad that's it's up. It just matters, doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

It is beautiful and like your mom my tears falling and I miss her alot. And I know that she is up in heaven and she is okay and looking down on all of us. And when it rains I think of that song Tears in Heaven. I just think the heavens open and Grandma is telling us things are okay. But I love that you can go now and the stone is up. Hope to see you soon.

Alyson said...

It's up!!! I am so happy for you guys!!

My Forever Child said...

The marker is beautiful Holly! I know you'll feel more complete when the vase is installed and you can place flowers in it. Then you'll have a peaceful place to visit, just sit and be with Carleigh.

Danielle said...

Holly, Her stone is just beautiful. I am so glad God gave you unexpected joy on a not so great day... he is so wonderful about that! Praying for you still...

Tiffany said...

It's beautiful.

Emily Yeater said...

Praise God! I am so glad that you finally have a place to go sit and visit with your sweet little girl. I am so happy for you Holly!

Anonymous said...

Holly I am so glad Carleigh's stone is up...reading your post made me get teared up just thinking of all you have went thru...and to finally have some type of peace now has to make your burden less heavy.

You will see her again! She is always with you.

Love,
Holli J.

Sara said...

I am so glad Carleigh's headstone is up. You made me cry, but that's ok. :) Hugs to you and your family.

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