Tuesday, July 28, 2009

4 months

Today it has been exactly 4 months since Carleigh was born silent into the world.

4 months

What would you be doing if you were here?

You'd be able to push yourself up a little when you are on your tummy. Would you like tummy time or make a fuss? You might even be able to roll over with enough practice. You'd be discovering that you can laugh and would enjoy it so much. Mommy would make silly faces at you and tickle your tummy to try and get you to make that wonderful sound.

You would enjoy nursing just as much as mommy and would love being carried around in your sling. Mommy, Kyndra, and you would all take a nice bubble bath together and play in the water. You would be close to growing out of your Kissaluv cloth dipes. Mommy stalked Diaperswappers for months just to get those dipes for you to wear.

Mommy would sit in the rocker and read I Love You Through and Through to you and your sister. Instead, I am just reading it to your sister. She loves reading that book. Would you look like your sister and have her personality too? Maybe as you got older people would think you were twins like they did with mommy and your Aunt Trina. You and Kyndra would probably be wearing matching outfits already.

I miss all these things that never got to happen.

Today, overall, has been pretty good. I put in my shift at work and picked up Kyndra from the sitter. We went and visited Carleigh since today is a special day. We enjoyed our time at the cemetery, but only stayed for about 10 minutes. The part I love is when we leave. Seems kinda odd, I know, but it's what Kyndra does when we leave that I just love. When it is time to go I tell her to give sissy a kiss and she leaves a little kiss on Carleigh's headstone. It's too precious for words.

I want to thank Alison for sending me a photo of Carleigh's name in the sand in Florida. As she wrote Carleigh's name she said a prayer asking for the Lord to continue to give us peace and bless us. I just love seeing her name written. I love that someone else (other than me) was thinking of Carleigh at that moment. Thank you so much.

After receiving Alison's photo, I decided to make a separate album for pictures of Carleigh's name written. So far I have her name written in Hawaii by Emily, Australia by Carly, New Jersey by Christina, and now Florida by Alison. Thank you to each one of these special ladies!

Happy 4 months in Heaven, my sweet one.


The Milams said...

Oh Holly I'm thinking of you!!! The death of an infant/newborn is so tough(not to say all child loss isn't by any means) You have so many dreams for your child those long nine months, just for them to be dashed in an instant. I too think all these What whould you be doing? type question my son would be starting 2nd grade this year.
What kind of backpack would he want? Would he want me to pack a special lunch for him in the morning or would he want to be a big boy and buy it there? I feel your pain deeply. LOVE ALWAYS SARAH

Trisha Larson said...


Those month anniversary's were really hard for me the first year. It seems like you are making it through better than I did. Just prayed for extra peace and comfort.


lost--for--words said...

I'm going to have to write Carleigh's name on the sand up here. I live on a beach in Canada, and would love to contribute :)

lost--for--words said...

I'm sorry - I didn't finish saying what I originally came here to say...
We just passed Freja's four-month birthday too... It was extremely difficult. I still get these Babycenter weekly updates, describing all the milestones my baby should be celebrating. It is so surreal to think that she's gone. She will forever stay a baby.

MommyIvy said...

Happy 4 months Carliegh! I too think of what it would be like if my little one was here. He/She would be almost 3 yrs old.

stitchndeb said...

I could write Carleigh's name at White Sands. I don't live too far from there. I do think about Carleigh, she's not forgotten at all. ~Debbie

Kelly said...

Thinking of you and your family...and praying as always...

Happy Birthday, sweet Carleigh!!!

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Oops...that last comment was me...I was still logged in on my personal email!

Love you...and thanks for leaving the mcklinky code in my comments yesterday.

Khanh said...

Happy Birthday Carleigh!!!

Emily said...

Thinking of you, Holly. Do you ever wonder if Carleigh is writing "I love mommy" on some heavenly beach?

Ms. Sarah said...

praying for peace for you today. Always thinking of your family

croleyc69 said...

Holly I think of you so often. I went to bed last nite & thought of you first thing this morning. Happy Birthday Carleigh I think of her so much. I know that I miss the babies I never got the chance to hold but can't wait til that day when we see all our loved ones again. Glad you go to the cemetary & visit. I think it all helps. HUGS

Lea said...

Thinking of your beautiful Carleigh with you, Holly

April said...

oh Emily's comment was sweet!

I think your reflection and thoughful post today was beautiful.

I can write her name here in WI (not a white sandy beach), but I bet I can come up with something clever for her... for you!

Tim said...

That is just so beautiful that she gives sissy a kiss before she leaves.

We are so prying for you guys today Holly. Your in our hearts and prayers always.

Love and Prayers,

Tim and Carey

Nickel Pickle said...

Aww thinking of the three of you taking bubble baths together & reading that book...would have just been the best....
Kyndra such a sweet big sister & doesn't even know it. :)

Mom Putnam said...

how sweet that she leaves kisses for her sister, we will never forget.

HappyascanB said...

Saying a special prayer for you. I cannot fathom your heartache and pain. I'm thankful that you have the Hope of our Father. Beautiful picture of CArleigh's name in the sand, too.

Betty said...

I just had a great idea and am going to write myself a note AS SOON as I get done here. Landon's cousin Ryan is getting married in Turks and Caicos in September and we are going down. I want to write Carliegh's name there for you.

Christina said...

Happy 4 months Carleigh! You are loved by so many who never even got to meet you.{me included} You have one of the best mommies ever & she misses you terribly. I am sure you are looking down here smiling & knowing that you will be in her arms again.

Until then........ we all pray & think of you every time we see a pink rose!


Veronica said...

Holly...sorry I missed this post. That is so special that people in different places have sent your Carleigh's name in the sand. I would love to do that for you too the next time we go to the beach.

Thanks so much for everything this week! Hope you have a great day!

Lauren said...

Hi Holly ~ Thinking of you today as I'm sure you are missing your sweet Carleigh. I know she's with my little ones up in heaven. It's too bad we are left here on earth hurting, but I find peace in knowing they will never experience pain, hurt, and sadness.

I was just thinking today, that our 6 month anniversary is quickly approaching of when we lost our quads. I want to do something special to remember them by, so let me know if you have any suggestions.


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