First Steps

Walking With You was created by Kelly of Sufficient Grace Ministries to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. To join in on Walking With You please visit Kelly's blog.

I remember the day our world came crashing down.

It was the day I had my midway ultrasound and I was excited to be able to get a glimpse of my little girl on the screen yet again. The exam seemed to go normally at the time and I had no idea anything was wrong. I was just my happy self the whole time. So blissfully unaware...

I had just gotten home from work and no sooner had I stepped in the door the phone rang. My doctor said there was something concerning on my ultrasound and she needed me to come into her office as soon as possible. Not a phone call you ever want to get. I kept running through my head all the different possibilities of what could be going on. Maybe there was something wrong with her heart or her brain? What if she had Potter's Syndrome or Trisomy? My mind was in overdrive and my heart rate accelerated. I was breathing slightly faster. I needed to get to the office. I needed to get there as fast as I could and find out what was going on with my baby.

I called my husband, Anthony, and let him know so he could leave work and meet me at my doctor's office. My daughter, Kyndra, and I arrived at the hospital before Anthony did so I went to the Radiology department where I work and I looked up my ultrasound report. I skimmed it until my eyes saw the word 'anencephalic'. I think my heart stopped. I remember thinking in my head "this can't be happening". I knew exactly what that word meant and what my little girl's future was. She wasn't going to live.

I continued to my doctor's office in some combination of shock and haziness. I met up with husband but didn't tell him what I found out. I wanted to hear it from my doctor just to be sure I hadn't misread the report....even though I knew I hadn't. She then confirmed it-our baby had anencephaly. This is when the weight of it all came crashing down on me. My world seemed to fall apart as I sat there on the examining table. But I could feel God's presence in the midst of my pain and I knew everything would be ok. He would carry me through this. My doctor gave us our options and through my tears I told her that I wasn't terminating.

So our journey began...

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What helped me a lot throughout my whole journey was reading stories of families who have walked the road before me. It helped me to know what to expect on my own journey. I found some great support groups, Anencephaly Support and Anencephaly Blessings From Above, that have helped so much. Through them I have met many wonderful anen mommies and have gained some truly great friends. Anencephaly Net is a good website that has links to other sites for parents carrying a child with anencephaly. I started searching for all the different sites available for those who find themselves carrying a child with a poor or fatal prenatal diagnosis and for those grieving from loss. I created a list of those sites on my sidebar.

After Carleigh's diagnosis I read the book Waiting with Gabriel: A Story of Cherishing a Baby's Brief Life by Amy Kuebelbeck. I could relate to so many emotions in the author's story.

I encourage any parent that is facing an adverse diagnosis to do their own research and don't just go by what doctors tell you. Doctor's don't know everything, but God does. I've heard many times doctors push for termination and I don't want families to regret a decision made in haste.

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My prayer request is for the little baby we are trying to conceive. Pray that our little one is perfectly healthy and whole, but also that God's will be done in our baby's life. If that means traveling this road again, then we accept it. I get to take a pregnancy test this weekend and I am hoping to see a positive sign.