Monday, June 15, 2009

First Steps


Walking With You was created by Kelly of Sufficient Grace Ministries to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. To join in on Walking With You please visit Kelly's blog.


I remember the day our world came crashing down.

It was the day I had my midway ultrasound and I was excited to be able to get a glimpse of my little girl on the screen yet again. The exam seemed to go normally at the time and I had no idea anything was wrong. I was just my happy self the whole time. So blissfully unaware...

I had just gotten home from work and no sooner had I stepped in the door the phone rang. My doctor said there was something concerning on my ultrasound and she needed me to come into her office as soon as possible. Not a phone call you ever want to get. I kept running through my head all the different possibilities of what could be going on. Maybe there was something wrong with her heart or her brain? What if she had Potter's Syndrome or Trisomy? My mind was in overdrive and my heart rate accelerated. I was breathing slightly faster. I needed to get to the office. I needed to get there as fast as I could and find out what was going on with my baby.

I called my husband, Anthony, and let him know so he could leave work and meet me at my doctor's office. My daughter, Kyndra, and I arrived at the hospital before Anthony did so I went to the Radiology department where I work and I looked up my ultrasound report. I skimmed it until my eyes saw the word 'anencephalic'. I think my heart stopped. I remember thinking in my head "this can't be happening". I knew exactly what that word meant and what my little girl's future was. She wasn't going to live.

I continued to my doctor's office in some combination of shock and haziness. I met up with husband but didn't tell him what I found out. I wanted to hear it from my doctor just to be sure I hadn't misread the report....even though I knew I hadn't. She then confirmed it-our baby had anencephaly. This is when the weight of it all came crashing down on me. My world seemed to fall apart as I sat there on the examining table. But I could feel God's presence in the midst of my pain and I knew everything would be ok. He would carry me through this. My doctor gave us our options and through my tears I told her that I wasn't terminating.

So our journey began...

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What helped me a lot throughout my whole journey was reading stories of families who have walked the road before me. It helped me to know what to expect on my own journey. I found some great support groups, Anencephaly Support and Anencephaly Blessings From Above, that have helped so much. Through them I have met many wonderful anen mommies and have gained some truly great friends. Anencephaly Net is a good website that has links to other sites for parents carrying a child with anencephaly. I started searching for all the different sites available for those who find themselves carrying a child with a poor or fatal prenatal diagnosis and for those grieving from loss. I created a list of those sites on my sidebar.

After Carleigh's diagnosis I read the book Waiting with Gabriel: A Story of Cherishing a Baby's Brief Life by Amy Kuebelbeck. I could relate to so many emotions in the author's story.

I encourage any parent that is facing an adverse diagnosis to do their own research and don't just go by what doctors tell you. Doctor's don't know everything, but God does. I've heard many times doctors push for termination and I don't want families to regret a decision made in haste.

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My prayer request is for the little baby we are trying to conceive. Pray that our little one is perfectly healthy and whole, but also that God's will be done in our baby's life. If that means traveling this road again, then we accept it. I get to take a pregnancy test this weekend and I am hoping to see a positive sign.

15 comments:

Andi Soergel said...

I hope you see a "+"!!

HappyascanB said...

Praying right now for a + or ll or whatever the positive sign will be for your upcoming test. and praying for a healthy little baby. You're amazing, and your courage, faith, and love inspire me!

MommyIvy said...

The story of Carliegh makes me cry every time. I am so blessed to have met you online.

On a better note I will pray for you + sign and pray that it is a healthy little baby! Good Luck!

Kristin said...

Holly,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think that is so exciting that you will be taking a test this weekend....praying for you to see that +!

Kristin

stitchndeb said...

I just can't imagine what a shock all that was back in December. About testing this weekend, I'm so excited for you! ~Debbie

The McDaniel's said...

I am praying for a postitive result this weekend and I will pray for your future children! You are an inspiration of faith!

croleyc69 said...

Thank-you for sharing your story & everytime no matter how much I have read about Carleigh, the tears are still there. You are amazing & to have the courage you have. Praying that you have a + sign & that things go well & healthy. Prayers & HUGS :) Caroline

Jennifer said...

Awwe.... I will pray for that little + sign!!! How exciing!!! Keep us posted.... ou are an amazing and strong woman!!! Hugs!!!!

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Thanks so much for sharing your first steps...and for all of your support. You are such a blessing and an encouragement to me. I am definintely praying for you, sweet friend...as you start a new journey. May you be blessed with a season of great joy.

Sandy Hop said...

praying for a positive test- and a positive pregnancy!!!

April said...

I can't wait to hear the hear if you are pregnant. How wonderful that you are ready to try again.

We plan to try for #2 this fall! We are excited and patiently waiting.

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, thank you for stopping by my site as well! I am praying for you!

Joye @ The Joyeful Journey said...

I'm praying right now for you and that God blesses your family and multiplies it!!!!

Leslie said...

Oh, I pray that it is positive! Part of what made my miscarriage so hard was that I pretty much figured that it would be my last pregnancy due to my age (44). It was a surprise pregnancy, but a devastating loss just the same. However, I know God can do anything...even for old ladies like me!

Blessings and Hugs,
Leslie

Jennifer Ross said...

Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving the nice comment. I'm sorry that you have had to faced the loss of a child also. Thank you for sharing your story. God Bless.

P.S. Praying that God blesses you with a sweet little baby.:)

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