Birthday Invitation and the upcoming day

Thanks Danielle for sharing Wyatt's invitation and inspiring me to make one too. I've just been so busy in planning everything else for Carleigh's party that I didn't even think to make an invitation. You'd think that'd be an obvious one. I am managing to get quite a bit done for her party but it's taken a lot of work so I haven't had time for much else. I haven't even gotten the sleep that I should. Hoping to catch up this weekend on that.

So, I have sent some invitations out and ordered all the balloons. Things yet to work on are the tables, the cake, a possible slideshow, and food menu. And of course all the little things to help pull it all together. I'm hoping to have the guest list finalized a week before the party. Right now I am planning for 75. I'd rather plan for too many than not enough. I can always eat any possible leftover food later.

I did just finish a photobook from kimsbookshelf.com that I wanted to get done for Carleigh's party. This book took me a lot of time to complete but I finally did it and it turned out great! I'm not sure why but I never put my maternity photos, Carleigh's 3D ultrasound, and our NILMDTS photos in Carleigh's albums. So I put all of these pictures in the album I created. Thank you Kim for setting me up with a trial for the site and sending me my wonderful photobook for free! I can't wait to see it in person. I should get it very soon.

I've gotten almost all my giveaways in line for Carleigh's birthday. I still have a few more to get around. I'll be doing these the week leading up to her birthday so keep an eye open for those!

Emotionally, I guess I am doing as well as can be leading up to her birthday. I have no doubt there's gonna be some tough times. I'm already having those moments. It's mostly my own fault by listening to SCC's Beauty Will Rise every single day on the way to and from work and every other time I'm in our van. There's this few lines in one of his songs that just get me every time and make me think of the exact moment that Carleigh left us. We don't know when it was for sure but I can't help but think of it when I hear these words....

God only knows
Everything that happened in that moment
God only knows
What He whispered to her heart
God only knows
Just how thankful I will always be
That he gave her mom and me
February 20th

Of course, the last line for me is March 28th instead of February 20th. I cry and sometimes sob when I hear these words because I have no doubt that the moment she left was so beautiful for her even though painful for us. What exactly happened? What did God say to her? I won't ever know these things in my lifetime but I can be assured that His glory was present and it was magnificent. These words of the song affect me so greatly that I put them at the end of her photobook (and changed just a few of the words to fit). I, for one, am thankful that SCC decided to create this album. He gets it and he captures it perfectly for me.

Right now, I'm ready for the grief to come and I welcome it with open arms. It is needed for such an important date coming up. Perhaps things will go better than I imagine and maybe they won't. Regardless of how it is, God will carry me through to the other side.

I think that we will finally watch the videos we took that day. I have only glimpsed a little bit of one. The thing I remember most about it is the eerie silence in the room. It was so quiet, so unnatural. But I know that at that time there was nothing unnatural about it for me. It didn't seem quiet when I was there. I don't think I would've noticed whether it was really loud instead. I was just so focused on her. Gosh, so many memories and I want to remember them all. Makes me glad that I posted during that time and wrote things down.

So, 19 days to go.....

I think I'm ready for this.

Maybe.