Sunday, March 21, 2010

Rain

I shared this over at my family blog but thought I would share it here too.

Today in Sunday School we watched a Nooma video called Rain and then had a discussion afterward.


Prolly the thing that I remember most from talking in the class is the following. A gentleman shared of something that he struggled with and continues to. At one point in his life he was asking God why he must struggle with this and why He didn't take it away from him. It was then he heard a soft, audible voice say, "Because sometimes it's the only reason you come to Me."

Um, wow. How often is that true of all of us? When life is dandy and there aren't many struggles it's so easy to spend less time with God. Sometimes the only way God can get us to come to Him is in our struggles. Perhaps that is one of the reasons God doesn't take our struggles away.

I certainly felt the struggle today and I knew it was gonna come. Church is just an emotional place and with us closing in on Carleigh's birthday I knew that today there was gonna be some tears. And I was right. Seems to be a lot of lessons in our Sunday School class that I can relate to so much in our journey with Carleigh. This is why I don't speak up much in class. I'm afraid I'll just lose it and I'm a person who doesn't like to cry in front of other people. I'd much rather be alone.

We had a larger class today compared to other weeks. Our pastor shared at the beginning of class in case anybody didn't know (we've had some new people recently) that our daughter had anencephaly and was born still. Later in the class a gentleman shared that 16 years ago he had a baby that was born still too. I could just tell the emotions it was taking him to share this with us but I couldn't say anything at the time for fear of losing it. He said he still missed his baby very much. At the end of class I told him how thankful I was that he shared that with us and then I started to get all blubbery and I had to leave.

Anthony was supposed to do powerpoint at church but when he told me I started crying. Every week we're there he always has to do that or sound and we never get to sit together. Sometimes I just need him to sit with me and so he did. I was still a little teary but once we started singing I was a little better. Anthony and I went to the altar together and prayed and cried. We just need for God to carry us through this next week. We can't do it alone.

16 comments:

Trisha Larson said...

I know how hard it is to allow yourself to feel vulnerable. To allow yourself to be judged by others. To allow yourself to feel the pain that lurks deep within.

Church is a place where I struggle with allowing myself to be all those things. The first year was especially tough. Now I find myself occasionally caught off guard with a worship song or a death reference but most of the time I am okay.

It will get easier my friend.

Hugs,
Trisha

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

Getting teary with you as I read...church is a place when those emotions just bubble up so easily, and especially after hearing something so close to your own heart.

It's inevitable that there will be a lot of emotions "bubbling up" right now...

Praying for you...and knowing that God will continue to hold and carry you both...

You are right...we often don't go to Him unless we desperately feel our need for Him...so glad you know that His arms are the place to be, dear friend...

Love to you...

Jennifer Ross said...

Thank you so much for sharing that tonight. I really needed to watch that.

I get very emotional at church too. Like you, I try to not cry in front of others, but it doesn't always work.

Thinking of Carleigh, as her birthday nears.

Jus and Kat said...

I've put myself into that very vulnerable place many times while in church. It just makes sense to, especially when I'm in such quiet commune with God in the exact place that we held Dylan's memorial. My mind just goes "there" (if you know what I mean).

Hugs as you get closer to celebrating Carleigh's 1st!

Mary said...

I know it is hard to cry in front of others, but being authentic can open up so many times for healing, just like this dear man did for you.

I am praying for you this week, as you miss sweet Carleigh. We remember her with you, and are thinking and praying for you.

Anonymous said...

And you WON'T have to do it alone. We are all here for you and Jesus has you all in the palm of His Hands.I'm sending up all kinds of prayers for you.
Hugs and love, Sarita

croleyc69 said...

I know to I don't like to cry in front of others. Church does that to me alot , certain songs , certain days or wks. It's hard but we all our here for each other. Know in my heart I'm thinking of you so much and your special Carleigh this wk.
{{HUGS}}
Caroline

stitchndeb said...

Nooma is great. My counselor suggested I buy the Nooma "Breathe" DVD two years ago and it helps me a lot. If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to buy the whole set of Noomas for the counseling center.

I think you are justified in getting a little teary and emotional, and I'm sure everyone will understand if you do.

~Debbie

Monica said...

I hate crying in public too, but I do almost every Sunday at church and a few times I've actually sobbed. And I also go to a Bible study where I cry almost every week. But if I hadn't shared our story and cried in public I would not have met one of my closest friends, she's a mom of a baby who has spina bifada, diagnosed at 19 weeks gestation and not expected to live, and she'll be 2 years old in June. Anyway if she hadn't bravely told her story in tears and if I hadn't sobbed telling my story, we would have never met and never found the support we have found. I think Jesus was the greatest example of being a wounded healer. When darkness isn't exposed then the light can not shine on it.

Rachel said...

Hugs...thinking of your family.

Michelle Karr said...

I cry at church every week, usually as we sing because the words mean so much more to me now. How true what the man shared in your class!!

I am praying for you this week! (((HUGS)))

belle said...

(((((hugs)))))

The McDaniel 3 said...

I pray for the strength you will need this week. He is good and He WILL get you through this week and every week in the future as He has helped get you through the weeks prior to now. I am here any time you want to talk. I will be praying for you and Anthony and the rest of your families.

Lori said...

Thinking of you and lifting you up!

Cecilia said...

Praying!!

AKD said...

I get emotional every time in church - it is somethimg that just brings it out in me. We are all here for you, Holly.

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