Monday, March 01, 2010

The positive things



Butterfly Mommies is hosting a giveaway each month. This month to enter just answer the following question and link up.

What positive things have come from the loss of your baby(ies)?

When we first learned of Carleigh's fatal diagnosis anything positive about the journey that we were embarking on was far from my mind. Those first few days we were in survival mode. I stayed at home and researched. I listened to music and read poems and stories and cried. How could this be happening to us? Is this really real?

Just 4 days after D-Day we left for Hawaii. I know I was determined to enjoy the trip. All the worries and fears and tears could wait until we got back home. That trip was exactly what we needed and the timing was perfect. We had been planning the trip for 3 years, right after my sister and I both got married and honeymooned in Hawaii. What are the odds that just days before a trip planned for so long we find out such devastating news?

The trip was the catalyst to the changes in my attitude toward our journey. While there were still difficult days, I began to see the impact our journey could have. People reached out to us and showed us love and support. We were sent so many wonderful gifts from so many people. The kindness and compassion we had received made me want to do the same for others. That is one positive thing from this journey. From my own experience and from others, I have learned the right and the wrong ways to reach out to people who are hurting. I have learned how to comfort. I hope that by sharing our story that someone else may benefit from it.

I have also learned how to love deeper. Carleigh herself taught me that. The bond between a mother and her unborn child is a strong one, which grows deeper as the months pass (at least for me). I never imagined loving a child so much who some would consider not even being a child at all just because she was missing some of her brain. She was more human to me than some people who have a whole brain. Carleigh has showed me and my family that you can't take a single moment for granted. You are not guaranteed your next breath. What do you want to experience in those moments? Love and joy or anger and bitterness? You quickly learn how insignificant many things are and what truly matters.

My husband and I have faced the worse together-the loss of our child-and we have come out even stronger. I know that there is nothing that we can't get through together. We may not always agree and we know we will have our arguments, but we vowed for better or worse, for richer or poorer, and in sickness and in health and we meant it. In some ways we grieve the same but we have our differences. There have been a few times Anthony has thought things I have done are weird but he lets me do them because he knows it's what I want. I would do the same for him. Statistics say many marriages do not survive such a loss but I have no doubts for us. We are not just surviving, but thriving.

The very obvious positive in all of this is that I have a beautiful daughter. Nothing can take that away from us. She may not be here with us on this earth, but she is waiting for us in Heaven with Jordan and many other loved ones. One day we will be reunited and we look forward to that day.

I knew that one could draw closer to God through tragedy. I have experienced it once before, but it was still amazing to feel the closeness of God throughout our journey. He was there from the beginning. We trusted Him and continue to trust Him with our lives. When things are going great in your life it is so easy to keep God at arm's length. I have learned through trials just how desperately I need God. I am nothing without Him and I know that there is nothing that could ever happen to me or in my life that would make me turn away from Him. I don't want a half-hearted relationship. I want to give my all. I am still a work in progress and prolly will be until the day I die. I love the words in Sanctus Real's song Forgiven: When I don't measure up to much in this life. Oh, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ.

9 comments:

{:miss v:} said...

Lovely post. I'm so glad you felt the Lord so near during your journey. God is good.....all the time.

The Blue Sparrow said...

Very well said Holly! *HUGS*

Mary said...

What a great idea, to help us look at the positives! I LOVE that one of your positives was your daughter!!! We always talk about lessons we learned, or perspectives we gained...but even if we only had them for a short time, we had...THEM! And that is a HUGE positive!

April said...

What a nice post to read for many others who may in their early stages of grief. Where, like you stated - positive thoughts were far from your mind. You should highlight this post somehow on your sidebar... what you have gained from your time with Carleigh, and the time since she left.

Not just surviving, but thriving. I hope you have been feeling well, getting rest and know that I am thinking of you!

Franchesca Cox said...

Beautiful post, Holly. (((HUGS)))

Andrea said...

Eloquent...

"he" is constant.

In my eyes Careligh is "perfect" :)

HUGS

Anonymous said...

Beautifully said, Holly.The Lord has carried you and your family and you have survived. You have definitely helped other people by telling your story- me, for one.
Thank you for showing us how to take the high road in the face of sadness.
God bless, Sarita
sboyette@tx.rr.com

croleyc69 said...

Beautiful post Holly.
Caroline

Kristie said...

Holly this is such a touching post, thank you so much for participating, sharing so much love and encouragement with so many, you are such a blessing, I hope you know this. Love, Kristie

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