Grateful for the Gift

Walking With You was created by Kelly of Sufficient Grace Ministries to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. To join in on Walking With You please visit Kelly's blog.

This month we are focusing on our gratefulness for the gifts we were given and the ways our lives were changed by the lives of our babies.

I never imagined my life would take this course. I never imagined my child would be given a fatal diagnosis. I never imagined that I would have to bury my child. But yet, it has all happened to me. Am I angry that this happened? No, I'm really not. I feel I've been given a great gift and I would never want to give it back now. In fact, sometimes I feel like I've had the greatest blessing and that I'm the only one that got to experience it.

She was part of me for many months. I felt her every moment. I was the only one to feel her hiccups, which were so light I had to focus on them to feel them. We had a bond that wasn't broken when she died. It was still there when she was born. I know because I felt it. I still feel connected to her. I am grateful we shared and continue to share something so special.

One thing I am quite thankful for is knowing ahead of time that Carleigh wouldn't live. It gave us time to prepare and to capture and cherish moments with her. When I plan something I really plan it. I had pretty much every detail planned out for Carleigh. Her birth plan is proof of that!!

I already knew through my experience with Jordan that you can draw closer to God through tragedy. It was no different with Carleigh. The very day we got our diagnosis, I felt Him. He assured me that all would be ok. We would eventually lose our daughter here on this earth, but we would not lose our faith in God. It has actually grown stronger and deeper. Our trust in Him is absolute and unwavering.

But I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God. I will always trust in God’s unfailing love. I will praise you forever, O God, for what you have done. I will trust in your good name in the presence of your faithful people. Psalm 52:8-9

I am grateful for many things over the course of our journey with Carleigh-the many prayers, support that was given, the love and comfort we felt, the gifts and cards we received, the kindness from strangers. It all means so very much to us.

There is no doubt that this whole experience has changed me. There is much that is good but there is also some not so good. I'm working on the not so good, but it's a process. Our lives have changed dramatically and we have to learn how to live this new life. There'll be good days and bad days, but as long as we stick together and lean on God we will make it through. All I ask is for patience from those around us. This isn't something we will get through quickly. We still need you. We still need words of comfort and gentle hugs.

I am indeed grateful for this journey, but most of all I am grateful for the gift of such a beautiful daughter.