8 months

It's been 8 months today.

It was a good day. After work I went and visited Carleigh. The air was crisp because of a slight breeze but the sun was shining so there was still warmth. It had rained recently so I cleaned off water from her stone. Her fall flowers and pumpkin are both looking great still. I didn't say anything while I visited. I didn't feel a need to. I picked at the stone a little and a piece of it came off. I then tried to crumble it into tiny pieces but didn't get very far.

The grass on Carleigh's grave where they dug up is different from the surrounding grass. It's greener and softer and new. Eventually the rough grass will overtake it and I won't like that much. So I decided to savor this new grass and I laid down on it for a little bit and closed my eyes. I felt the cool air blowing but also the sun warming me. I liked the warmth. I wanted to just take a nap there, but I needed to get home to Kyndra.

Later this evening I looked out the kitchen window and was met by a beautiful sunset. We don't get very many breathtaking sunsets in SW Ohio. It's not like living on a beach with the ocean waves crashing and the smell of salt water in your nose as you watch the sun create spectacular hues, like a painting in the sky. Nothing like that, but tonight it was pretty good. (Sunsets always seem better on a beach, at least to me they do.) As I looked out the window, I noticed the darker blue sky fade into a lighter blue. The light blue faded into a peach that faded into a burnt orange. Not a cloud in the sky either.

I had to step outside to see it better. As soon as I went outside on my front porch I was greeted by the sunset and a single little star in the sky staring straight at me. I thought of Carleigh and it seems like this was a gift to me. It was a lovely way to end my day. A simple song came to my head. I sang it often as a child.

God is so good, God is so good,
God is so good, He’s so good to me!

He cares for me, He cares for me,
He cares for me, He’s so good to me!

I love Him so, I love Him so,
I love Him so, He’s so good to me!

I praise His Name, I praise His Name,
I praise His Name, He’s so good to me!

Thank you Caroline, Sherry, and Sarita for sending me messages. Thank you to everyone who thought of my daughter today or said a prayer. I always appreciate it so much.

~~~~~

My sweet Carleigh,

Today you would've been 8 months old. Can you believe that? You've been in Heaven for 8 months! I bet it feels like you just got there.

Mommy has been doing pretty good here without you. Most days I do just fine and I smile happily as I remember you. There are days though when my heart aches because I miss you so much. I expect that. How could I not miss you? You are my perfect, beautiful daughter. So very loved.

You know your mommy likes to be a know-it-all so the hard part of this journey is it being so unpredictable. I don't know what each day will bring me. Will something remind me of you and make me want to cry? Will a conversation take an uncomfortable turn? Will my feelings get hurt? Will I remember you fondly and smile at the memories?

We just had Thanksgiving without you here. We have lots to be thankful for. You are one of the reasons. You are a blessing from God. A gift we could not keep.

Daddy took a picture on Thanksgiving of me and your sister as she napped. It is so sweet.

Kinda reminds me of a picture taken just 8 months ago.....

A mother gazing adoringly at both her baby girls. Love you and miss you, my little star.

Always thinking of you,
Mommy