Monday, November 30, 2009

D-Day- A Father's Perspective

I've wanted to get Anthony's perspective on a few things in our journey on Carleigh's blog so that it will always be there. I finally asked him a couple weeks ago and after a little coaxing he agreed to it. So here is the day we received Carleigh's diagnosis in Anthony's words (he's not quite as wordy as me):


On December 15, 2008, I started my day like every other day. I got up around 7 am and got ready for work to head to Dayton to begin work. Everything was going fine. It was just another normal day and then I received a phone call from Holly. She asked me if I could get off work early because Dr. F called and said that we needed to come into the office today. Holly said that it didn't matter what time it was because there was something concerning on the ultrasound she had that day. I was wondering what could be wrong. What ran through my mind was that our baby was going to have some sort of defect that she'd have to live with the rest of her life. I never imagined what was really in store for us.

I told Holly that I needed to call my boss and see if I could leave early and I'd call her back. I called my boss and he said that I could leave. I called Holly back and told her that I was on my way.

I got to the building where Dr. F's office is and went inside where Holly and Kyndra were waiting for me. We went up to the office together and waited. It wasn't long and they took us back and got Holly's vitals and then took us to one of the exam rooms.

When Dr. F came in she told us right away what was going on and Holly started to cry. I wasn't sure what anencephaly was but I knew it wasn't good by Holly's reaction. Dr. F explained to me what it was and then went through our options. Holly said right away that she was carrying to term and I told her that I was behind her 100%. Whatever she wanted to do.

When we left Dr. F's office we went down to the radiologist's office so that we could look at the ultrasound pictures. Even though I'm not good at looking at those kinds of things, it helped to see it.

I called my mom to let her know and she thought I was joking around with her because I like to do that. I told her that I would never joke about my daughter's life like that. She didn't know what to say and she started to cry and so did I.

Looking back at that day, I know I was very sad but at the time everything seemed to go so fast. I remember thinking that I needed to be strong for Holly. I also knew that our lives would never be the same and that it would be what we did with the situation that would shape how our lives would be.

Anthony

23 comments:

The Blue Sparrow said...

Its a blessing to get a fathers perspective on these things. Ty has such a hard time speaking about it, so Im sure this will help alot of people to read this. Thank you for sharing your take. *HUGS*

Franchesca Cox said...

It's scary how quick life changes. This is such a good idea to have the father's point-of-view, and like Jennifer said it will help a lot of people.

xx

Just Breathe said...

Thank you for sharing Anthony's story. What a sad day and I am sure that it did all happen so fast like he said. Being supportive of your decisions was wonderful. I don't believe my husband would have been so supportive. Your blessed to have him.

Mom Putnam said...

What a wonderful son-in-law we have who loves our daughter so much and provides for his family with love and care. We love you Anthony.

Trisha Larson said...

I just love that Anthony took the time to write that. I know how hard it is for Erik to think back to "that day". I can only imagine that it is just as painful for Anthony. I hope and pray that your marriage continues to grow stronger every day as both of you walk this path together.

Hugs to you both!
Trisha

Jen said...

it took a bit for me to wrap my head around the fact that jay was enduring the same feelings as I was when we were given our diagnosis.. and now to think of him feeling what I felt, PLUS trying to stay strong for me...it kills me..I think it is wonderful of your husband to take the time and write from his perspective... hugs to you both!

The McDaniel 3 said...

that is so awesome that he shared this! What a blessing and treasure! It is nice to see his side!

Betty said...

Thank for sharing your husbands point of view. I am glad that you were able to get it out of him. I have been trying to get my husband to write his prospective on our situation but I guess he is not ready to process those feelings into word.
Again thanks for share.
xoxo

Lynnette Kraft said...

What a great idea - to have hubby share his side of things. So many men go down the path alone in their thoughts and in their hearts. They try to be strong for their wives and they don't talk or seek help.

Maybe I'll see if Kyle wants to share something on my blog sometime. It's really a great idea.

Tell Anthony thanks for me. I enjoyed reading his words.
Lynnette

croleyc69 said...

I think it's so great that Anthony shared his feelings. I know that sometimes guys try so hard to keep things inside. Thanx for sharing so much Anthony and I pray for Holly and you so much.
Holly you have a great husband giving you so much support.
Caroline

Christie said...

It's hard at times to realize they are hurting too. We bond with our children so quickly since we carry them, but dad's grieve too. Thanks to him for sharing his with us all.

Courtney said...

Be still my heart. I'm so glad your husband shared his perspective with all of us.

many hugs

Elizabeth said...

Thank you for sharing Anthony. *hugs*

Kate said...

I am so happy that Anthony shared with us! It probably felt good for him to do that! Thanks!

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Please tell Anthony we are so grateful to him for sharing his perspective on that very difficult day. It is so hard for dad's to not only deal with their own sorrow, but to want to be there for their wives as well. Dads need to know that they are not alone...and Anthony having the courage to share will help other fathers in this situation.

Thank you both...

Alyson said...

Most men stay quiet about things like these and keep all of their emotions and fears all bottled up......

I'm sure it took a lot of coaxing to get him to tell his side.......It's very painful to relive those moments that you just want to "forget".....

Sharing Anthony's story is great for other fathers dealing with similar situations......Not too many men talk about that kind of stuff...... And for a man to hear another man's take on a journey is very comforting.

Thanks for sharing :0)

Brooks said...

I'm so glad you got him to do that.

Missing Kasey said...

Tell Anthony thank you for sharing his perspective. That is hard to dig back up those memories. Like Christie said we have a hard time realizing at the time they hurt just as much as we do we tend to only think of our selves since we are the ones carrying. Thank you again!

Missing Kasey said...

Tell Anthony thank you for sharing his perspective. That is hard to dig back up those memories. Like Christie said we have a hard time realizing at the time they hurt just as much as we do we tend to only think of our selves since we are the ones carrying. Thank you again!

SillyHille said...

wow... this story is amazing.
I saw your name on my BlogHer roll and clicked over- It is amazing to me the amount of faith that you have in the face of what seems insurmountable.
It is humbling and inspiring to me to hear of your daughter's time on earth and to really realize how quickly "just another day" can become the pivotal point from "before" to "after".
Thank you for sharing your story! I know it has to be hard, but I hope you know that it does make a difference in people's lives!

Kelli with Love said...

What a beautiful post this is. It can be hard to get Daddy's to tell us their perspectives sometimes. I'm glad he did.
I am a newer follower to your blog, Holly, but Carleigh's story has just touched me on so many levels. I am slowly making my way through all your posts still! I love each and every one. I hope you don't mind that I've become a follower although I've never met you. I wanted to let you know, also, that I linked Carleigh's story in a recent post of mine. I just wanted you to know it's there in case for some reason you don't want it there. I would remove it at your request. But I hope you don't mind! I love her beautiful story and how strong you are. Here's the link. http://tylerandkelli.blogspot.com/2009/11/my-lily-is-8-months.html

Much love to you and your family,
Kelli Duran

Kari @ p.s. love.love. said...

Nice to read what he went through that day! Tell him thanks for sharing.

Nickel Pickle said...

Wow, that made me cry! You are so lucky to have a good man Holly. Carleigh is lucky to have such a great Daddy that loves her so much.

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