Thursday, October 08, 2009

All I can do is write these letters to you


Hello my sweet little girl! Mommy misses you so much. Can you see how much I miss you? Can you feel how much I love you? You're a part of every one of my thoughts. Things that shouldn't make me think of you do. You're everywhere I look. Do you send me signs that you are near? The other night I saw a star in the sky and I thought of you. The sky was so clear and there was just one tiny star in the sky. It was like you were looking at me and telling me you were right there. It made me smile.

My precious baby, do you see the tears that fall for you? Sometimes mommy can't stop them. I'm doing ok. I want you to know that. Mommy will make it. I'm glad you are so happy in Heaven. Tell Jesus I can't wait to see Him and tell Him thank you for sending me such a beautiful little girl. Tell Jesus I need help fixing this big hole in my heart.

My darling daughter. Nothing can measure the love that I have for you. It is in every part of my body. A lifetime feels like too long to live without you. I'm trying to learn how to do it. I'm missing you a lot tonight, and that makes it harder. There's always the morning and a brand new day. I try to stay positive and to help others. I do it all for you.

I love you. I miss you. I hope you get this letter.

Always in my heart,

A song that I love. Address In The Stars

I stumbled across your picture today, I could barely breathe.
The moment stopped me cold and grabbed me like a thief.
I dialed your number but you wouldn't be there.
I knew the whole time, but it's still not fair.
I just wanted to hear your voice, I just needed to hear your voice.

What do I do with all I need to say?
So much I wanna tell you every day.
Oh, it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark.
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue.
'Cause there's no address in the stars.

Now I'm driving through the pitch black dark.
I'm screaming at the sky, oh, cause it hurts so bad.
Everybody tells me that all I need is time.
Then the morning rolls in, and it hits me again,
And that ain't nothin' but a lie.

What do I do with all I need to say?
So much I wanna tell you every day.
Oh, it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark.
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue.
'Cause there's no address in the stars.

Without you here with me,
Don't know what to do
I'd give anything just to talk to you.
Oh, it breaks my heart.
Oh, it breaks my heart.
All I can do is write these letters to you,
But there's no address in the stars.


Franchesca Cox said...

Beautiful, heartbreaking post, Holly! I believe God read Carleigh this letter...

Missing your baby girl and all our angels tonight.


Once A Mother said...

I think that was Carleigh sending you her love in the twinkle of that star. Thinking of you, I am sorry you are having a rough night. Tonight has been hard for me too, its funny how some nights the emotion just hits you with a wave. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful letter with us. You do help so many people Holly. you really honor Carleigh through your compassion and good works.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so, so much for sharing this with us. It is so beautiful and so absolutely heartbreaking to read and to even just know. To even just know that you had and have to live with this pain.
I'm just so sorry. Thank you.

Laura said...

Beautiful! I have journals loaded with letters to my son- I like to think he heard every one as they left my pen!
Thinking of you- sending hugs!!!

April said...

What a beautiful letter, one I know you write everyday in your thoughts for Carleigh. She knows and she hears.

Trisha Larson said...

Feeling your thoughts and pain as my own. I wish she was here too!


Kari @ p.s. said...

What a beautiful way to tell your daughter how you feel. I've only done this once in 1996 when my uncle passed away from cancer. He had been living with us so we could take care of him and he then went to live with his dad - and 2 months later passed away. The last day I saw him I was rude to him and didn't properly say goodbye to him. To this day it hurts that I was so cruel to someone who needed so much love. I wrote him a letter after he died and I have it to this day and cry if I ever read it. But that letter helped me so much. I felt that I was able to really let him know how I felt. It's part of the healing process.
Stars are more beautiful then they ever have been in my life.

MommyIvy said...

Such a beautiful, yet heartbreaking letter. I believe that she read it. I am sorry you are having a rough night. I hope that tomorrow is better for you.

croleyc69 said...

Very beautiful Holly. I'm praying for you. What a great post. {{HUGS}}

Ms. Sarah said...

holly I am praying for you. I wasnt expecting to cry today and yet I am in a puddle. I think carleigh sends you little signs that she is around the praying mantsis. thelone star twinkling. She is with you. Hugs sweetie

Just Breathe said...

Beautiful letter to Carleigh. I know that putting your feelings down on paper is a great form of therapy. She knows that you love her, there is no doubt of that. I am sure that she is sending you signs giving you strength each day.
Take care and God bless.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Love you, beautiful lady...thank you for sharing this beautiful letter from your mommy-heart. I ached with you as I read it. So grateful for the hope of heaven...the only thing that eases that ache.

Loving you and praying for you as you miss your sweet girl...

Lauren said...

That is a beautiful letter you wrote to Caleigh. I love it. Clearly straight from the heart. I often look up in the sky and see the sun shining through the clouds and think it's God letting me know that everything is OK, and that my babies are well. Oh, it's so hard to live like this, but like you said, "mommy will be ok". :)


Mary said...

Holly, Thank you so much for sharing that letter with us. It is absolutely beautiful! And the song address in the stars ... I love it. It is one of my favorites!

The Blue Sparrow said...

I cry every time I hear that song, its like she's read our minds with the lyrics. *Hugs*

Jennifer Ross said...

Very beautiful letter Holly... full of love.

Lynda said...

Touching words Holly. Missing Carleigh with you today <3

Susan Berlien (warmchocmilk) said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

Danielle said...

Holly, that was such a sweet letter to Carleigh! It had me in tears. I needed a good cry! Hope you have an easier day tomorrow! XXX

christina said...

hey holly! thank you so much for your words of encouragement and prayers. I am right there with you...noticing our girls in all the glory that God lets us experience here in this world. stars, rainbows, cool weather....

i wanted to share...and i will post on this soon, but the marker is from John 2:11. "Jesus did this as the beginning of his signs in Cana in Galilee and so revealed his glory, and his disciples began to believe in him."

:) I'm so glad you still follow and i am praying for you as well.
peace on your hearts.

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