Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to those celebrating on Earth and in Heaven.

Winners

Thank you to everyone who entered the giveaways for my day on the 25 Days of Giveaways. And now the winners!!

Giveaway #1 – $10 GC to My Forever Child -- Gottjoy! 

Giveaway #2 – Crystal Heart Ornament -- MK 

Giveaway #3 – Round Ornament -- Big Love, Big Acceptance - or so I say 

Giveaway #4 – $10 GC to The Midnight Orange -- Hope 

Giveaway #5 – swan sculpture -- Bethany 

Giveaway #6 – $10 GC to Somewhere Over The Rainbow -- Kristi 

Giveaway #7 – $10 GC to Mountin Designs -- Sarah 

Giveaway #8 – I Love You hands -- Megan & Jus and Kat

Giveaway #9 – $10 GC to Best Art Studios – alliecat 

Congrats to all the winners!! If you are a winner please email me at caring4carleigh@yahoo.com. If I end up not hearing from someone I will choose a new winner.

There is also a giveaway going on today at my Caring for Carleigh FB page.

Winter flowers

On Sunday I finally was able to get to the cemetery and put up Carleigh’s winter flowers. They are the same ones as last year but we used them again since they were still in really good condition.

I did get a purple stocking for her too but the girls got a hold of it and it went missing. We’ve tried to find it but they must have hid it somewhere good. I’m sure it’ll turn up eventually.

So far this season has been good emotionally. I’ve had a few moments though here and there. Christmas is my favorite holiday so I have always enjoyed this time of year. I know it is difficult for many who have lost children. We imagine them opening presents and having fun with family. We wish they could help decorate the tree and sing Christmas songs. We know the holidays would be so much brighter if they were here. I hope that during this time of year that everyone can find something to bring them a little joy.

25 Days of Giveaways

This is my 3rd year participating in the 25 Days of Giveaways and I’m excited to be doing this again. Thank you Tina at Living without Sophia and Ellie for hosting this wonderful event. I always jump at the opportunity to have a giveaway because I enjoy them so much! This year I decided to give away things from some of my favorite shops (in no particular order).

Giveaway #1


My first favorite shop is My Forever Child. Sue has so many pieces to offer and if you don’t see something you like just let her know and she’ll work with you to create what you envision. (I’ve worked with her several times on pieces for my friends and she has done a fabulous job!) I have many pieces that I have come to cherish from here, especially my custom hand/footprint jewelry. I’ve also given away many pieces here on this blog. I believe that every mom should have a piece of memorial jewelry to remember her child whether it be a ring, bracelet, pin, or necklace. So I would like to give away a $10 gift certificate to My Forever Child.

Giveaway #2

My friend Sue from My Forever Child has generously donated a Personalized Crystal Heart Ornament in gold. The front and/or back can be personalized with names, dates, scripture verse, or a special saying. It comes hung on a white satin ribbon. These are new this year in the shop along with several other ornaments. Thank you Sue!

Giveaway #3

 
My friend Sue from My Forever Child has generously donated a Personalized Round Ornament in gold. This ornament features the My Forever Child signature baby feet in teardrop heart, image engraved into the ornament. The front of the ornament is engraved in Cursive font with, "So Softly You Tiptoed Into Our World, But What An Imprint You Left Upon Our Hearts". The back can be personalized with names, dates, scripture verse, or a special saying. It comes hung on a red satin ribbon. These are new this year in the shop along with several other ornaments. Thank you Sue!

Giveaway #4

My second favorite shop is The Midnight Orange. D. Antonia is a wonderful sculptor and friend and her pieces are just gorgeous. I got my first piece back in 2009 but didn’t become an active collector until March 2011. I honestly don’t know why I waited so long because I love collecting them! I know many people who also admire her work but have yet to get one. D. Antonia has generously donated a $10 gift certificate to The Midnight Orange. Thank you so much!!


Giveaway #5


This sculpture from The Midnight Orange is called To Safe Passage and I actually purchased this as part of my personal collection but I would like to pass it on to someone else as I plan to get a purple one in the future. The description of this piece is from D. Antonia, “Swans represent a lot of different things to me. For these pieces I want to depict that they are carrying these babies from this world to the next. I find the sorrow in their posture and their silent grace are perfect for their special passengers.”

Giveaway #6


My third favorite shop is owned by my friend Katy. She has generously donated a $10 gift certificate to her shop Somewhere Over The Rainbow. This shop offers a variety of items pregnancy and infant loss items and I personally have the Custom Baby Memorial Plaque and the Wooden Memory Box. Thank you Katy!

Giveaway #7


My fourth favorite shop is Mountin Designs. This shop has items related to loss such as memorial stepping stones, wall art, and ornaments. My personal favorite is the stepping stones. I just love them and one day I want to get one for myself. I am giving away a $10 gift certificate to Mountin Designs.

Giveaway #8


My fifth favorite shop is MoonlightAura. Krystal specializes in sign language sculptures and her designs are very unique. She has several sculptures that I believe really reflect loss, such as her Heart-Shaped Hands Sculpts. Her Butterfly Landing Sculpture is also precious. One of my favorite pieces from her shop (and that I also own) is her I Love You sign language sculpture. I am giving away a pearl and a silver I Love You sign language sculptures similar to the ones picture below.

Giveaway #9

My sixth favorite shop is Best Art Studios. I just love this art shop and while I haven’t bought anything for myself yet I definitely plan to in the future. Jaime’s art is so unique and beautiful and I just love the trees that she paints. Her line Heartache and Poetry is very moving and I find I can relate it directly to losing a child. (And I love it when they have their 50% off sales!) I am giving away a $10 gift certificate to Best Art Studios.

These giveaways are open to all BLMs. You must be a BLM in order to enter these giveaways. To enter, just leave a comment with one of your favorite memories of your baby. I think during this season we all deserve to feel a little joy and I believe remembering something good does that. These giveaways will remain open until December 31st at 11:59 pm EST so that everyone in different time zones has a chance to enter. The winner will be announced the following day.

Wishing everyone a gentle and merry Christmas.

9 years

Today it has been 9 years since I made the choice to end my pregnancy at the age of 19. I can’t believe that it’s been that long already.

I don’t like thinking about that day very much because it is one of my lowest moments and not something I’m proud of. There’s so many emotions wrapped up in that decision and the aftermath of it. I could never put them all into words adequate enough to show people who have never experienced it what it is like. The whole experience opened my eyes and made me a less judgmental person. I became a girl with a scarlet letter and I still wear it. I’ll always wear it.

I’ve often wished I could go back and make a different choice but then where would I be today? I don’t think I would be who I am right now and I am happy with the person that I am. All of my mistakes have shaped me and while I would adamantly call my abortion the biggest mistake of my life I am torn in wishing I could take it back and finding peace with my decision.

I am in a good place though thanks to the bible study Forgiven & Set Free and God’s healing touch. While I still have regret and guilt, it does not consume me and I am so thankful for that. I remember when I was so weighed down by what I had done and how that felt and I never want to feel like that again. It didn’t feel like me.

No matter how you lose a child, certain things stay with you-certain memories stand out. There is quite a bit that is hazy to me from that time but I’ll never forget walking in and then out of that clinic. I felt shame and relief. Such an odd mix of emotions.

There was a period of time (5 years to be exact) that I tried to forget it even happened, but you can’t push something like that away. I couldn’t forget my baby no matter how hard I tried. It was only after I became a mother to a living baby that I realized my first baby deserved more. My baby deserved a name so I chose the name Jordan Leigh since at that time I did not have a feeling if my baby was a boy or girl so I chose something gender neutral. Jordan most likely would have been born at the end of July.

Today, I think of you, my sweet Jordan, and I’m wishing you a happy birthday in Heaven. I’m sure you were waiting with your arms open wide for your sister Carleigh. I imagine you two up there having so much fun together. I’m just glad you have each other until I can get there too. Mommy loves you.

3 years from D-Day

Yesterday, December 15, 2011, was 3 years since we received Carleigh’s fatal diagnosis. (In case you are wondering D-Day is what many of us anen mommies call our diagnosis day.)

The day went fine and I actually didn’t think about it too much. I did reflect a little though. While I remember exactly what happened from my ultrasound on, I find it harder to remember all the emotions I was feeling then compared to 2 years ago or even last year. I guess that’s just a part of time moving on. Reading previous posts about that day help to remind me and I’m glad that I wrote it down.

December 15th doesn’t hold the sting that it used to even just 3 years out but I will always remember this day every year it comes around. I could never forget the day our lives changed forever. One moment we were happy and excited about meeting another little girl and the next moment we were devastated that she’d never come home with us. Can you ever completely recover from that?

It still baffles me how well I handled that day. I can’t explain it other than it was a God thing. I should have been a complete mess but I felt covered in calm, even though there were times I felt like screaming and crying. Don’t be mistaken, there were tears. Tears of shattered dreams. Tears for a life that would be cut too short. Tears of a momma’s broken heart. Those tears still fall today for my little girl.

I never imagined when I woke up that morning that my whole world was going to change. But what if I did know? Would I change anything? I don’t think that I would. Changing something would mean changing my daughter and I just can’t imagine that. To me, she is perfect. Many people may not see it, but I see her with a mother’s heart. The love a mother has for her child is one of the deepest loves a woman can experience. I’m glad I got to experience that with her.

Christmas giveaways

Click the buttons to check out some of these Christmas giveaways and tutorials too!

Illuminate ~ Week 4 ~ Inspiration

This week for Illuminate we searched for letters and then took pictures to make a word. This word is one we had to choose to be a theme for us in the upcoming year. The writing is about the future and how things might look say a year from now.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t worry too much about the future because your whole life can change in a moment. Plans you have made can take a totally different path than what you were expecting or wanting. I never thought that I would be where I’m at today. The facts are horrible to face. My daughter was diagnosed with a fatal disorder and she was born still over 3 months later. But when I read those words I don’t really see something terrible. I recall the precious time I spent with her, the memories we made, her day and night gymnastics in my belly, the joy I feel to this day of being her mom. I want to always remember these things.

It doesn’t matter if it is a day, a month, or a year from now as I want to always be able to cherish the moment. Sometimes I don’t always do that but I embrace it more than I ever did before my daughter died. I want to always feel so blessed for what I have been given. They say God gives and God takes away. I do believe that to a degree but I find it hard to apply that to the death of my daughter. God did give me a beautiful daughter but I don’t feel He took her away from me. Maybe it’s because she really isn’t gone forever. She is just away from us for a time until we are reunited again. I hate that we have to have a lifetime apart but I look forward to the day when we are together again.

Is there anything that I can change in this next year? Well, I can’t control many things in this life but the one thing I can control is myself and how I behave and react to situations and to people. In this aspect, I would like to do better.

When thinking of a word that I might try to have as a so-called motto for the next year I had a hard time deciding. I know people who have done the one word thing but I never did it until this assignment. I guess I just didn’t like the idea of one word summing up who I would want to be. I think there’s so much more to me than what one word could describe. So I tried to think of a word that could encompass many different areas of myself. I came up with just a few but one stood out above the others: SERVE.

There are many ways that I can serve. I can serve my patients at work, my family, my friends, those in need, and most importantly I can serve God with my heart.

It isn’t always easy to have a servant’s heart though. My own selfish nature goes against serving others. But there is Someone I can model myself after who is the greatest servant who ever lived and that is Jesus. Jesus is the Son of God but He lived to serve others. He served people who many looked down upon without caring how He would be perceived. He loved others wholly and unconditionally with a pure heart. I want to serve like that.

God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.   1 Peter 4:10

For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.  Galatians 5:13

I think my daughter Carleigh instilled in me a will to serve. My own experience made me want to help others, especially other families who have lost a baby. I hope that in this next year to be able to serve in many more ways.

December Babies

♥ Remembering those special babies who came in December. ♥

Little Muffin ~ December 1, 2007
Hailey ~ December 1, 2009
Jayce ~ December 2, 2008
Rachel ~ December 3, 2010
Oliver ~ December 4, 2010
Rainbow ~ December 10, 2009
Gracie ~ December 10, 2009
Lily ~ December 12, 2008
Macsen ~ December 14, 2007
Charlie ~ December 17, 2009
Lyra ~ December 18, 2009
Jordan ~ December 19, 2002
Trinity ~ December 19, 2005
Sofia ~ December 19, 2010
Lucia ~ December 22, 2008
Anthony ~ December 23, 2006
Laken ~ December 25, 2009
Julia ~ December 25, 2009
Angel ~ December 27, 2009
Juanito ~ December 29, 2009
Janie Beth ~ December 29, 2009

Sorry if your baby is not on the list. Please leave a comment if you would like your baby added.

Illuminate ~ Week 3 ~ Perspective

I’m a day late posting for Illuminate week 3 but my family and I were gone for the Thanksgiving holiday and I didn’t get home until today. We went to our cabin in Michigan and spent 4 days there. It’s always nice to get away and spend time there.

This week’s assignment is about perspective-in our own lives and through our eyes. The photography part was about taking 100 steps and composing an image and the writing topic is about what we are grateful for.

I’d like to share my stepping journey first. I actually did all my pictures in one day since I spent the rest of my time enjoying my family for the holiday, but I did enjoy my time out alone snapping pictures. I took all of the pictures in the area around our cabin in Michigan but had different starting and ending points. I also edited all the photos in the same way with a more vintage feel because I just liked how it looked compared to the other way I edited the photos (with more softness and brightness, which was neat too but I favored the other-maybe it was a rustic cabin thing! lol).

I think you tend to appreciate the beauty in things more when you slow down and take a look around you. This assignment gave me the opportunity to do that. So often life is busy and I’m rushing around trying to get things done. You can miss so much if you just don’t stop and take in the moment. I think sometimes you have to make a conscious effort to do that because it can be so easy to say “oh, I’ll do it later” or “there’ll always be time for that”. Nobody knows how much time that they have so you have to make the most of it while you can. Cherish the moment while it is still here.

Our lives changed forever on December 15, 2008. Before that day I don’t think I really appreciated what a miracle it is to have a healthy baby. I knew things went wrong but those things happened to other people, not me. I never wanted my daughter to have anencephaly and I sure as heck never wanted her to die. However, I am so grateful that Carleigh is my daughter and if the only way to have her was to have her die then I accept it fully. I would rather have known her this way than to never have known her at all.

One of the things I am so grateful for is knowing ahead of time that she wasn’t going to live. This gave us time to prepare for what we wanted as far as her birth and her funeral. It also gave us the opportunity to make memories we would not have made otherwise. I never imagined it to be a blessing but it certainly was. Had her death been sudden, I would not have known what my rights were regarding the death of my child or the keepsakes that I could have to remember by. I would not have known how priceless pictures would come to be and I fear that I would have taken very few.

I am grateful for the many people who loved and supported us along the way. Family and friends stepped up but we also had the support and prayers of complete strangers. So many followed our journey and offered kind words and sympathy. I’m sure many who followed then do not follow now but I am grateful for every person who has gotten a glimpse of my daughter through my own words and pictures. I like to think a little part of her remains with every person whose life she has touched.

I could go on and on about the little things I am grateful for about our journey and about our daughter. (But I think if I did that this post would never get published!) The fact is I have become more grateful because of her. She opened my eyes as if I was blind before she came. Having your life changed dramatically hasn’t always been easy. Grief is now a chain I will carry all of my life, but I thank God that He helps me carry the chains. Without Him I would have grown weary very quickly but He has given me the strength to carry on without my baby girl. He has shown me that life without my daughter is still a life worth living. He has given me precious gifts to take care of and I believe I see their sister through them.

I’ll always be grateful for this road I have traveled. Of course, that doesn’t mean I haven’t had my “this is so unfair!” moments because I certainly have. (I’m sure I still have some more of them up my sleeve too.) At the end of the day though, I am glad she was a part of some of the steps of my life. Those are some of the most cherished moments I will ever have had the privilege to experience.

Illuminate ~ Week 2 ~ Light

This week’s assignment is about light. We were to think about what the light or darkness meant to us and then we had 2 options in taking photos. I chose to take photos of a treasured object in different light scenarios.

The moment our world forever changed was the day we learned our daughter Carleigh wasn’t going to survive. Some may be surprised for me to say that even in such a difficult time I would not consider it a time of darkness. Light still shone even when it should have been impossible. God gave me the grace to accept the path we had been given even though it hurt so very much. He has kept me focused on the light even in the times when my grief felt heavy. It confounds me when I look back how well I handled everything. Could I handle it in such a manner again if another precious life was taken from me? I pray that I could but just thinking about it overwhelms me.

Perhaps I am more drawn to light because God Himself is a light in my life. I believe if I did not have Him to help get me through the past 2 1/2 years my world would have been very dark.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.
~John 1:5

O Lord, you are my lamp. The Lord lights up my darkness.
~2 Samuel 22:29

Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.
~Psalm 119:105

No longer will you need the sun to shine by day, nor the moon to give its light by night, for the Lord your God will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory.
~Isaiah 60:19

If you think about it light is amazing. All it takes is just a small amount of light to penetrate darkness. Light overcomes darkness. Darkness never overcomes light-never does it swallow the light. I often think of Heaven where there is no darkness at all. The light of God penetrates every corner. It is hard to imagine a place with no shadows and the glory of such light, but my daughter is experiencing it. How amazing it must be!

This week I looked into different kinds of lighting for my photos and I tried my hand at a bunch of different light settings. Some had lots of light and some had only a small light surrounded by darkness. Naturally, I feel drawn to more pictures with more light but it was fun to see how pictures turned out with just a small amount of light. Of course, I had to make sure the camera was very, very still to avoid blurriness when there was almost no light. I managed to take all of my pictures with no flash but also with no special settings (which is how I usually take them since I still haven’t learned hardly any of the functions on my camera even after having it for 2 years!). I also did minimal editing to all of them.

I decided to use Carleigh’s bear for my subject. This bear was given to me by the Mother Baby Unit when we went into the hospital for my induction. The unit knew ahead of time of our situation as they had our birth plan and this was something special that they did for us and our daughter.

I hope everyone who is suffering in the darkness can find hope in the light, no matter how small it may be.

Illuminate ~ Week 1 ~ Storytelling

For the next 5 weeks I have the privilege in participating in the online class for photographic healing called Illuminate. I’m very excited for this course and to see what comes out of it. I’ve decided that for this class I’m just going to focus on my daughter Carleigh. I feel my healing for Jordan is much further than it is for Carleigh and I would benefit most by focusing just on her.

This week’s assignment is about storytelling. We are to write a letter to our baby/babies and also take self portraits of our journey. Well, letters can certainly be emotional to write and it wasn’t easy getting the right picture that I felt comfortable enough with that captured what I was feeling in thinking of that pose. But I managed to do as best as I could.

So here goes.

My precious Carleigh,

I still remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you. It was August 10, 2008 and I was so excited. Your sister was only 7 months old and when I found out you were a girl I couldn’t have been happier because that was what I was hoping for. I wanted to have 2 girls close in age like me and my sister.

I never imagined that you would be diagnosed with something fatal and not be able to come home with us from the hospital. Stuff like that always happened to other people. But it was soon the reality I was facing. It hurt a lot and I cried many tears over it all. I still loved you though and I was going to cherish our time together however long it may be.

I never knew how much joy and sorrow could intertwine before. It’s like a beautiful and bittersweet dance. And you were totally worth it.

I’m thankful at least for the months we had to plan for your arrival. It gave us time to think about what we wanted and to make memories with you along the way. I don’t think we’d have as many keepsakes as we do or been as prepared if we hadn’t had that time. I consider it a blessing.

I’ll never forget seeing you on the 3D ultrasound. It was really the only time I got to meet you alive. (2D ultrasound just isn’t the same!) I don’t think I quit smiling the whole time and I fell even more in love with you. I got to see you kick and move and suck on your fists. I could really see your sister in you!

But seeing you on that screen could never compare to seeing you in my arms even though you were already gone. I didn’t see what was “wrong” with you but I saw pure perfection and beauty. I saw Heaven that day and I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.

Those moments with you are some of the most precious in my life and I cherish them so much. Some days I wish I could go back and experience you all over again. Though we got time with you it wasn’t nearly enough. But is there such thing as enough time to last a lifetime? I don’t think there is so I will be thankful for what I had.

Baby girl, I miss you a lot and I wish you were here to grow up with your sisters. I promise they will always know who you are and how special you are to us. People will undoubtedly begin to forget about you as more and more time passes but I will never forget. I still think about you every day even 2 1/2 years later. It is impossible for me to forget you because you are as essential to me as breathing. For the time you lived on this earth you were a part of me and death cannot break that bond.

I love you always and without limits.

Until I see you again,
Mommy

Here are the self-portraits I took.

This picture is me holding the necklace I wear almost every day. It is Carleigh’s cross necklace with her hand/footprint pendant and her baby ring. I often slip her baby ring on my finger like in this picture and rub it. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it.

One of the first pictures I knew I wanted to take was of Carleigh’s belly cast. I created it just a week before her birth and it was painted by Stephanie at Beyond Words Designs over 2 years later. This cast to me captures all the moments she was alive.

Another picture of Carleigh’s necklace only on my chest close to my heart.

The sculpture sitting on my belly is Carleigh’s angel sculpture from The Midnight Orange. It seemed fitting to rest it on my belly since that was were she lived and died.

The butterfly on this flower is from Carleigh’s 2nd birthday cake.

I knew including Carleigh’s memory chest in a picture was important as it holds all of her precious keepsakes. The chest itself is a treasure as it was handmade by my aunt and uncle epically for this purpose. I included my I Love You hand sculpture from MoonlighAura.

This last picture is me holding my Carleigh Bear-weighted to the same weight she was at birth, which was 3 lbs 15 oz. To me, this picture is looking into the light of the future. The hope of seeing her again one day.

Christmas exchanges

Just thought I’d remind everyone of a few exchanges for Christmas. They involve gifts, cards, and/or ornaments.

2011 Faces of Loss Holiday Gift Exchange – sign-up ends Nov. 25th

Nevaeh’s Hope Exchange – sign-up ends Nov. 18th

Remembering Together Swap 2011 Holiday Edition – sign-up ends Nov. 18th

Christmas Ornament Exchange – sign-up ends Nov. 19th

Christmas Card Exchange – sign-up ends Nov. 20th

Feel free to take part in one, several, or all of them like me!! It’s always nice to get something special in the mail. And a reminder…..only participate if you can actually send something out because you don’t want to disappoint your exchange partner(s).

If anyone knows of any more exchanges feel free to leave in a comment below!

November Babies

Thinking of all the special November babies! Sending their mommies and families lots of love!

Ella ~ November 1, 2010
Aiden ~ November 2, 2010
Faith & Grace ~ November 3, 1996
Aiden ~ November 6, 2009
Chaya ~ November 6, 2008
Nicholas ~ November 7, 2008
Hannah ~ November 7, 2008
Zach ~ November 7, 2009
Jack ~ November 7, 2009
Calvin ~ November 10, 2008
Madeline ~ November 11, 2009
Baby Boy A & Baby Girl B ~ November 12, 2008
Lillian ~ November 13, 2009
Madeline ~ November 13, 2009
Kenner ~ November 13, 2008
TanaLee ~ November 13, 2009
Faith ~ November 14, 2009
Carly ~ November 15, 2007
Kasey ~ November 16, 2008
Alexandra ~ November 16, 2009
Cara ~ November 17, 2009

Olivia ~ November 20, 2009
Carley ~ November 20, 2010
Trevor ~ November 22, 2004

Alexander ~ November 23, 2008
Kolton ~ November 23, 2010
Jakin ~ November 24, 2010
Xavien ~ November 26, 2009
Matthew ~ November 28, 2009
Logan ~ November 28, 2005
Alyssa-Joy ~ November 29, 2008

If your baby is not on this list I am sorry. Please leave a comment to have them added.

Hello Autumn gift exchange partners

The partners for the Hello Autumn! Gift Exchange have been picked and are posted below. Thank you to those who are participating! (An email should have been sent to everyone participating.)

 

Stephanie Desjarlais + Amanda

Kendra + Caroline

Nika + Mattie

Heather + Holly

Natasha + Jill

Sarah + Christi Wilson

Ashley Elder + Karin

Stephanie Dyer + April

Molly + Danielle

Deanna + Mary

Kara + Fran

 

Just a few reminders…

- $15 limit

- It is up to the partners to get in contact with each other and exchange mailing addresses.

- All items MUST be shipped by November 7th.

There will be a follow up link up that partners may participate in to show off their gift on November 21st.

Spoken Word Blog

I decided to join in with Angie at still life with circles and many others participating in the Spoken Word Blog Round-up. To me it seemed like a pretty good idea. It’s always fun to hear the voice speaking the words you usually only read yourself. I think it’s neat to see how the voices are different or the same to what you imagined.

I decided to share a poem from a post. I thought I’d have a few minutes to get it in after I picked up the girls from the sitter. Kyndra was playing with dinosaurs at the table and I had Lainey drinking a bottle. Should’ve known one of them would slip in the video. I decided not to re-do the video as it was most likely to happen again and why edit real life, right? This is me and this is what you get!

2012 Lost For Words Calendar

I’m sure many out there in this community know about Carly and Franchesca and their collaboration with the card line Lost For Words. Each of them makes fabulous cards dealing with the loss of a child. They also happen to make calendars too! Each of them have made a calendar for 2012 and both have been unveiled recently and available for purchase.

Before the unveiling they asked for quotes from babyloss parents and I submitted mine. I was so excited to find out that Carly had picked my quote for the calendar. My month is the June and I simply can’t wait to get one of these calendars to have in my house.

I actually came up with the quote 2 years ago when Kelly was asking to remember our babies for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. We could include a small quote for our babies and that is what I came up with for Carleigh.

Thank you Carly for choosing my quote! And thank you both for creating such a beautiful line.

You can purchase Carly’s calendar HERE and Franchesca’s calendar HERE.

Road Trip {meeting another BLM}

Sunday evening (October 16th) we stopped in Merrillville, IN to stay the night. In the morning, we stopped at a nearby McDonald’s so that I could meet up with my friend and fellow BLM, Dana. I actually met Dana through The Midnight Orange FB page. While we waited for her to arrive, we got some hashbrowns. Once Dana arrived we talked for a bit before it was time to hit the road again. It was so great to meet her! I just love meeting my online friends. Thanks for meeting up with me, Dana!

Wouldn’t it be nice to have my own private jet so that I could travel around the country meeting all my BLM friends!! That would be so awesome!

Sign the petition!

Please click the box below and sign the petition to expand FMLA coverage to include employees who have experienced the death of a child. As we all know, parents need as much time as they can get to grieve and current bereavement leave is simply not enough time.

My work allows for up to 5 days off for bereavement. If I hadn't had my maternity leave for Carleigh to be off 6 weeks I don't know how I would've handled going back to work so soon. I don't believe I would have been in any shape to go back just 5 days after losing my child. So please help out!!

Road Trip {Lunch & Memorial}

On Saturday, October 15th we had the lunch that was at another church and was catered by a place called Meatheads. We had BBQ pulled pork and some other things and it was quite good! Of course, Kyndra didn’t eat anything. She’s always picky! The girls did enjoy running around the gym and playing. (Kyndra was playing with the stones she took from our hotel’s landscaping.)

Here is the pamphlet from the memorial that evening. I unfolded it and scanned it. You can click to make larger.

The first event of the evening was at Levee Park in Red Wing, MN. We had a balloon release there.

The next event was the lantern lighting at Central Park in Red Wing. Once we arrived we enjoyed listening to some songs.

Not long after the ceremony started everyone went up and lit them. I got both a lantern and a luminary for my babies Jordan and Carleigh.

I took a picture of Heather and her family. I couldn’t help but notice the Comfort Bear from Sufficient Grace Ministries.

I really like this photo that Heather’s daughter took.

Towards the end of the ceremony it was time for the speakers, which meant it was my turn!! I admit, I was definitely nervous. I have never spoken in front of anyone sharing our story of Carleigh. Anthony says he could tell I was nervous but I eventually settled into a good rhythm. It prolly didn’t help that I was a little chilly! The air wasn’t real cold but there was a crisp breeze that evening. A couple parts I got a little teary but I made it through! I’m so glad that I got to share.

After I shared my story it was Amanda’s turn and then Sherokee Isle spoke. If you’re not familiar with her she wrote the book Empty Arms: Coping After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death. I haven’t read the book but I am sure it is good. She was good at speaking and we were all glad that she had decided to join us that evening and speak. I even got to speak with her after everything was over and I felt better when she said I did a good job speaking.

Wanted to share also a pamphlet about the support offered by Anchored By Hope.