Friday, April 02, 2010

Support

Butterfly Mommies

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What forms of support helped you the most during your time of loss and even now? How would you recommend other people support grieving mothers? (As we know, many times people who love us often don't know what to say or how to act.)


One of the biggest supports for me while I was carrying Carleigh was a Yahoo support group called Anencephaly Blessings From Above. It helped so much to get support and advice from women who had traveled the same path as me and to connect with moms who were carrying at the same time as me. These women knew exactly what I was going through when nobody else didn't. The group is still a place I visit often.

What has been really nice for me is people who have followed my journey and left me comments and sent me emails encouraging me and supporting me. And also people that sent me cards, even weeks and months after losing her. I think the cards that came later meant even more because it showed me that people hadn't forgotten about us. I really don't think there is proper way to thank those who have done kind things for us because it means a lot.

But what has helped me most with losing Carleigh is my faith in God. I would be lost without it. My faith gets me through each day and gives me hope for tomorrow.

My advice to others who want to support a grieving mother is to be for there for her no matter what. Don't be afraid to mention her baby's name and to talk about her baby. Chances are they want to talk about their baby. The most support for families is right after a loss has occurred but as the weeks and months pass that support slowly dwindles. This can feel for the families like they have been forgotten and so has their baby. Keep checking up on them and let them know you are still thinking of them. Send them a card or an email. Don't expect them to ever get over losing their baby. It isn't possible. They will always love and miss them. It's been a year and I still think of Carleigh every single day.

10 comments:

The Blue Sparrow said...

Your right, I think the cards I recieved months after meant the most to me too. I just got one a month ago and it made me smile that people still remember him. *HUGS*

Elena said...

I love this post, its very true and I agree! Thank you for posting it. You and I are a lot alike in that we lean on our Faith, I honestly don't know how I would survive without the help of God's love and compassion. You are such a strong woman, thank you for everything.

love
elena

Tim said...

That is such important info for people to know. I believe that there are many great people out there who want badly to be able to help in some way, but because of the sensitiveness of the situation may be afraid or uncertain of how to go about it.

This post will surely help.

Thanks as always Holly!

Love and Prayers,

Tim

croleyc69 said...

What a beautiful post Holly. So true , I remember after I lost my 2 babies and after my father's passing that the later some people said things it meant so much.
Caroline

Karen said...

What a beautiful post. You are articulated so well, Holly. I know this will help others!

Michelle said...

I left a little gift for you on my blog. www.missingjuanito.blogspot.com

Akul's mama said...

Initially I was very angry with God, but then I had nowhere to go and cry. I had to seek refuge in my faith, else I woud have gone crazy.

The Blue Sparrow said...

I awarded you the Beautiful Blogger Award on my blog today! *HUGS*

Jen said...

I was shocked at how the medical community treated my sister when she was going through a miscarriage. "Go home and wait for your baby to miscarry- it might happen tonight. Here is what it may look like." I couldn't believe the lack of support. She was losing a child. Why wouldn't she be in the hospital with the support of a caring nurse or why wouldn't they give her info. on support groups, etc. They treated it like a medical condition, not a loss. Oh, it was awful for her. This was many years ago and she still thinks about her angel. A beautiful post!

Sarita Boyette said...

You are so right! A card is appreciated anytime during this childloss journey. My cousin did the neatest thing for me. Meredith is buried 2 hours away from us. My cousin has put out flowers for me since I wasn't able to go for a while after my last hospitalization. I appreciated it more than she will ever know.

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