Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is here again. Honestly, I don’t even care. Both my husband and I don’t really put much emphasis on giving each other stuff on days like this, our birthdays, or Christmas. I’m really glad we don’t. I see all these people who get so disappointed when the day isn’t what they expected it to be.

My husband and girls did wish me a Happy Mother’s Day and gave me a card, but that was the extent of “celebrating” the day.

I had thought maybe to go out to the cemetery, but we didn’t. After church, I was just ready to go home.

So wishing all the mothers out there today a Happy Mother’s Day….whether your baby is here on earth, in Heaven, or only in your heart.

International Bereaved Mother’s Day

If you are a mother who has lost her child(ren), today we remember them with you. You are not alone.

Thank you to the many lovely women and friends I have met along this journey. You are a blessing!

2nd Mother's Day without her

I know it's been a week since Mother's Day but I figured it would be good for me to write down how this year went. First, I apoligize for not posting a Mother's Day giveaway when I had said I was going to. With Anthony's grandpa passing away and dealing with that, it just didn't cross my mind to put up a giveaway.

Last year was my first Mother's Day without Carleigh and it was tough but this year seemed to be better. Perhaps it was because I didn't give the day much thought. I got cards and gave cards but that was about the extent of it. Naturally, I thought of Carleigh and I missed her and wished that she could spend Mother's Day with me.

Our focus just wasn't on what the day was supposed to be but instead on our family and dealing with his grandpa's passing. On Mother's Day we had the private family viewing.

So maybe next year we will give a little more focus on the day and do something special. Who knows.

3rd Mother's Day Giveaway

Today's giveaway is courtesy of Karin from Mellow Yellow Soap Company.

"Mellow Yellow Soap Company was created out of a passion for all things natural and genuine and in response to my experience with having a baby/child with very sensitive skin. While I really enjoy the fragrances and colors found in many soaps available online, I wanted to create soaps that were free of artificial dyes and fragrances."

I have a sample of Karin's soaps from when I bought some of her Domino Pads and I love it! Once it's gone I want to buy some more.

This Mom's Basket includes basket, 1 Vegan Cocoa unscented (but has a nice natural cocoa butter aroma), 1 Goat's Oats and Bees Bar, 1 Milk & Honey Face Bar, 1 Honey Almond Lip Balm, and a wooden soap dish to keep your soap dry.

What do you need to do to enter the giveaway?
Just leave a comment telling me what you love most about being a mother. (Make sure you stop by Mellow Yellow Soap Company too!)

Who is eligible for the giveaway?
Everyone! If you want to increase your chances of winning just follow my blog! All my blog followers who enter will be given an extra entry.

When does this giveaway end?
This lovely giveaway will end at midnight. The winner will be announced tomorrow.

2nd Mother's Day Giveaway

Today's giveaway is courtesy of Sue from My Forever Child. Thank you Sue!!

At My Forever Child they offer a wide variety of remembrance jewelry to help comfort those who have lost a child.

"The My Forever Child™ Collection was born out of a desire to create unique keepsakes for those touched by the loss of a child. No matter what age the child died at, it is very important for the grieving parent to have their child remembered and acknowledged. Even though the child is not with them physically, the parental feelings of love do not disappear. Parenthood is not measured by the length of time spent raising a child. The child is always in the parent's heart, hence the phrase "My Forever Child™"."

To learn more about My Forever Child and Sue please click here. Stop by her website and take a look around. She has lots of great gift ideas!! Part of the proceeds from sales at My Forever Child are donated to Charitable Organizations that are committed in making a difference in the prevention of future losses and child advocacy causes.


The giveaway is for a Family necklace in a 14K yellow gold filled round design personalized with your family monogram and your children's names. It comes with coordinating gemstones and an 18 inch gold filled chain. This necklace is a new design by Sue that has not yet been listed! So, when you win she will photograph your finished necklace and use that photograph for her website as a sample. How cool is that!?

What do you need to do to enter the giveaway?

Just leave a comment telling me about the mom who has inspired you the most. (Make sure you stop by My Forever Child too!)

Who is eligible for the giveaway?

Everyone! Whether you have endured a loss or not you can still win! If you want to increase your chances of winning just follow my blog! All my blog followers who enter will be given an extra entry.

When does this giveaway end?

This lovely giveaway will end at midnight. The winner will be announced tomorrow.

Winner of Giveaway #1!!

Congratulations to Jodi Lansink!!!

Enter a lower limit: 1
Enter an upper limit: 40
Random Number: 36

You were number 36 on the list (thanks to your extra entry) and have won the sterling silver necklace from My Forever Child!! I couldn't help but smile when I had saw that you had won. What a sweet gift for you!

To confirm your gift please email me at caring4carleigh@yahoo.com.

Don't worry my faithful followers there are 2 more giveaways to come so you still have a chance to win a special gift.

My Mother's Day

Today has been up and down. The day started out well enough. Anthony got up with Kyndra for once since it was my "special" day. Of course, I had to wake him up to get her. He sleeps like a log, unlike me. While getting ready for church I got a call from Celia's husband, Phillip, but I was in the bath. I finished getting ready for church and while we were on our way there I called him back. Celia had little Noah this morning at 8:38 am by C-section. Go over to her blog to hear more. Keep Celia and her family in your prayers please. As of right now, he is still with them.

We were late leaving our house and had to stop to get some gas in the van too so we were late for church. Not too bad though courtesy of my husband's speedy driving. Things were going well and then our pastor's wife, Holly, went up to speak and was getting ready to pray. I stood up and asked her if we could pray for Celia. I almost couldn't keep it together telling everyone. I had some of my church family surround me and lay their hands on me as we prayed for Celia. They prayed for me too, which I very much appreciated.

After church we ate at KFC and by this point Anthony had already done a few things to irritate me. We stopped by the Hallmark store to pick up a birthday card for Alexa, my bff Lindsey's daughter. She turned 1 year old today. I ran in to get a card and told Anthony I would only be a minute and he decided to go get the van washed. So I had to stand outside and wait for him to finish. I wasn't pleased. Our next stop was Swindler & Sons Florist. They were open today since it was Mother's Day. I went in and I bought a pinkish rose for Carleigh and I had them make me up something for her vase in case her marker was up. Then Anthony and I went out to the cemetery.

Much to my disappointment, Carleigh's marker was not there. I really wish it was. Anthony and I pulled up and got out of the van and went over to her grave. I placed the rose there on the ground and I just sat there on the ground. And I cried.

Finally I got up and Anthony and I just stood there holding each other. I went back to the van and Anthony talked to the groundskeeper, who was mowing at the time. He asked Anthony if everything was ok. He told Anthony that he has to fill Carleigh's spot with more dirt since it sunk in the ground a little. I guess just everything settling.

We stopped by Alexa's birthday party to drop off the card but we didn't stay. After visiting the cemetery I just wasn't up to it. Lindsey understood.

So now I am home.

Tomorrow I go back to work. 6 weeks already. I'm already foreseeing some awkward moments. You know, the ones where people knew I was pregnant but have no idea that Carleigh is in Heaven. All of my department knows and that is where I spend most of my time so hopefully all goes well. Pray for a smooth day!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there-whether your child is on earth or in sweet Heaven. In honor of this special day I'm going to be holding a few giveaways for my faithful blog followers and the rest of the blogging world this next week so keep your eyes open and spread the word!

Oh, and in case you didn't notice in the top left hand corner of my blog you will see a rotating link to Compassion. Maybe this Mother's Day you can bless a child with a "mother from afar".

Letter to Carleigh

My precious Carleigh,

It's been over a month since you've been gone. At times it seems so long since we said goodbye and then other times it feels just like yesterday. How I miss you! I've loved you since the moment I found out I was pregnant with you. My joy was bursting at the seams. Although Daddy wished for a boy I longed for another little girl, a sister for Kyndra to be close to and grow up with. When it was confirmed you were indeed a girl I was so happy! My dream of having 2 girls close in age had come true.

But that dream was shattered when we found out that we would not be able to keep you. This wasn't supposed to happen to my little girl! From that moment I loved you more than ever before. People didn't understand my love for you. They couldn't understand why I would choose to keep you knowing you would not live. I would not back down from my decision. My path was set and so was yours. God knew that I would love you so fiercely and He was preparing me for you.

It hurt a lot to know that you would not live, but I picked up the pieces of my broken heart and I moved forward. I started to prepare for you. Really prepare. I don't think I spared a single detail. It was my way of having control of a situation that was out of my hands. It wasn't always easy, these preparations. I didn't want to have to look at tiny caskets and decide what color of granite your marker would be. Planning for your funeral felt so very wrong, especially when I could feel your little kicks inside me.

Do you know that I loved feeling you move? I did! I'd put my hand over your foot and you'd move to a different spot. Sorry if that irritated you but I couldn't help myself! Feeling your foot through my belly I imagined what you looked like. Would you look like your big sister? When we saw you on the ultrasound you definitely had your sister's chubby cheeks. I think you resemble your sister a lot, except your hands and feet. Yours were bigger with long and slender fingers and toes. You must have gotten that from me because Daddy's fingers are short and stubby. I loved your hiccups too. I was so excited when I felt them for the first time. Your hiccups were always so light. Many times I had to sit to even feel them. They got a little stronger as you grew bigger. Your hiccups gave me hope that you would be born alive.

But you weren't. You were gone before you took a breath. I hope that you didn't feel any pain or suffer during that time. I can't bear the thought of that. Towards the end your heart was still beating but it seemed softer and I hoped that it was just because you were dropping and we couldn't hear it as well. Your kicks started to come less frequent. But I still held onto my hope. You were born and placed on my chest. I was afraid of what you would look like, but you were so beautiful. You were perfect. How could I have been afraid?

Erin checked your heart to see if it was beating but it wasn't. I wished you could have been born alive. Even though I wanted that so much I was glad to have you in my arms. At that moment it didn't matter. I had you and it was enough.

We kept you with us until we left the hospital. You were always by my side, even when I slept. It felt so good to have you near. The day we left was very difficult. I knew what was coming next and I didn't want to face it. The most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my entire life was hand you to the funeral director and walk away. Burying you was easier than this. It truly broke me and I sobbed in your Daddy's arms. Just thinking of the pain I felt that day overwhelms me. I knew you were safe in Heaven and not in your body, but your body was all I had here on earth and I didn't want to let you go yet. I think the only thing that got me through the night was knowing I'd be able to see you again the next day.

Do you know how much you have impacted my life? Do you know how you have touched others? Your life had (and still has) such great purpose! I am so proud of you! I feel so very blessed to be your mother. This Mother's Day is bittersweet. I get to celebrate being the mother of such a wonderful little girl but yet you aren't here with me to celebrate. I'm going to visit your grave this Sunday and I hope they have your marker up so that I can put some flowers in your vase. I would really love to be able to do that on Mother's Day.

I miss you so much and I wish we were together. I wish your sister had you here. It comforts me so much to know you are in Heaven with Jesus. There's not a better place you could be. I wish I was there with you but my work here on earth is not yet done. I'll see you soon, my sweet baby.

I'll love you always,
Mommy