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Sunset: To close this project and this month of Baby Loss Awareness I thought that we could all photograph the sunset from wherever we are in the world. If there is no sunset where you are, you can still take a photo of the early evening sky. You just need to be able to get to a window. Remember to caption what State/Country you are from and the time.
I didn't capture the sunset this day so here is a picture of Carleigh's name at sunset on Christian's Beach in Australia.
Growth: Do you believe you have grown or are growing as a person since the loss of your precious baby? How? How do you see other people now? How do you see the world? Do you believe you have a higher purpose? Do you believe your baby had a higher purpose?
My little girl, who I held on this earth so briefly, changed my life profoundly. I’m not the same person that I was before she lived and died. She changed me for the better in many ways.
I believe I have a choice in how her life and death impacts me. I can choose to let grief consume me or I can choose to grow with the grief. I choose to grow with it because I know that by doing so I can truly honor my daughter.
I know that out of any tragedy God can bring beauty and He has certainly done that for us. Many good and beautiful things have come from the journey we have been on with my daughter and I have no doubt there will continue to be.
Healing: What has had the most healing impact on your life through this journey of grief?
I have found various ways of healing through my grief, but by far the biggest healing for my broken heart has been my 2 rainbow babies born in 2010 and 2012. A mother’s heart and arms will always long for the baby she lost but when those arms are filled again it eases the ache.
Special Place: This could be your baby’s place of rest. If they do not have a grave, maybe you have a special place that you associate with your baby. A place you go to, to remember them. Where is it? Why did you choose that particular place?
One special place is the cemetery. It’s where we buried Carleigh so it will always be a special place to me. While I don’t visit as often as I used to, I still like to go when I can.
Signs: If you believe in life after death do you believe your child has ways of contacting you? Have you had any signs?
I like to think that Carleigh has some way of letting me know she’s ok, but I cannot say for sure that she can. I see things that remind me of her and I have had experiences that can’t be explained.
Community: What does this community mean to you?
It means the world. It is people coming together to celebrate, remember, and honor their babies regardless of age, race, sex, etc. It is an instant connection to another person without even having to speak a word.
#SayItOutLoud: Say It Out Loud is The STILL Project’s famous hashtag. STILL is a feature-length documentary film project aimed at breaking the cycle of silence surrounding pregnancy and infant loss. If you could say anything out loud about your journey with grief with the death or your baby, what would it be? What do you want the world to know? Is there a cause that touches your heart that you want to raise awareness for?
I would want parents to know that it’s ok to honor the life of your baby and to grieve your loss however you feel is best and not how other people think you should be doing it.
Artwork: Have you created a piece of artwork in the wake of your baby’s death? Or maybe someone has given you some artwork to honor your baby? Please feel welcome to share links to your own website or to other artists.
One of my favorite artists is Stephanie at Beyond Words Designs. Stephanie painted this piece for me called Starry, Starry Night. It’s a little different from the original as it has brown hair instead of black. I wanted it as it went perfectly with my belly cast she painted for me.
Tattoos/Jewelry: Do you have a piece of jewelry in memory of your baby? Or maybe a tattoo. Please feel welcome to share links too.
My most special necklace is one I wear most often. It has a pendant of one of her handprints and on the other side her footprints. Her baby ring hangs on it. The chain is from the cross necklace she wore from her visitation and service. The little cross on it fell off, which I was sad about. I want to get it replaced with a replica but have not done it yet.
Words: Share your favorite quote, poem, song lyrics, scripture that you have found.
There are many words that I have found that I like. There is one that I liked that I chose it to be under the header of my blog.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
To me, this means that no matter what God will always be enough no matter what and He will give me the strength to carry on.
Honor: Is there anything that you have done to honor your baby since they died? Did you give back to the community? Make a conscious decision to live as beautifully as possible? Take on the role of helping others in your situation? Maybe you work as an advocate for breaking the silence for our community.
I honor my daughter by helping others. One of the ways I am able to do that is through Sufficient Grace Ministries. I am so blessed to be able to be a part of this wonderful ministry that supports grieving families.
Hope: Do you have hope for the future? What do you hope for those who will join this club in the future?
What helps me and gives me comfort through losing Carleigh is that I have the hope of seeing her again one day. I know that the brief moments we had on this earth are not the end.
Support: Share about what has been the best support for you since the loss of your baby. Maybe it is a special friend or family member? A pet? An organization? What have they done for you? Where would you be without them?
The support of my friends, other babyloss moms (BLMs), who have been through the same thing has meant the world to me. I am so glad to have met so many on this road yet sad we have met at all. They get it when others don’t. They don’t judge my actions or feelings. Thank you to all who have been there for me!
This picture is from my most recent meeting of some other BLMs back in July.
Release: What do you want to let go of on this journey of grief? Is it fear? Guilt? Worry? Deep sadness? Regrets?
I can’t really think of anything I need to “let go” of. I am in a good place with the choices I have made. There will always be choices I may question or things I wish I would have done, but I know that lingering on the what ifs and what could have beens will never do me any good because I can’t change anything. I know that I made the choices that I thought were best in each moment.
Wasn’t sure really what picture to share with this day so I chose a pic of a lantern being released from the SGM Remembrance Ceremony we had this month. We need to release the negative emotions that hold us down like we release balloons, lanterns, butterflies, etc for our babies.
Time: How long has it been since your baby died.
I have spent every moment since then loving and missing her.
Seasons: Share what certain seasons or holidays mean to you now. What season did your baby die in? What season were they conceived/born in? Etc. Do you dread those seasons now? Are they more meaningful to you because of your baby?
Carleigh was born in early spring on March 28, 2009. Spring is the season of new life. Many animals have their babies. Tiny buds turn into leaves, flowers, and various plants. Carleigh is my little bud that never bloomed here on this earth yet beauty still emerged. I know her beauty is even more in Heaven.
I do not dread the spring or any other season with its holidays that make me miss her even more. Each day is another opportunity to love her and honor her here.
Wave Of Light: Today is October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Light a candle at 7pm to help create a continuous wave of light around the world for 24 hours. Photograph your light! Please remember to share your location for this day as well. Wishing you all a ton of love for this sacred day of remembrance.
♥ Remembering all the babies gone too soon from this earth. ♥
Family: What does you family look like now? Is it just yourself carrying your child’s heart in yours? Do you have other children? A partner? A pet? You may not have what society perceives as a family but we all know that just because you cannot see any children, that does not mean that they are not a part of your family.
This is the most recent pic that I have of our family. It was taken October 2012.
I have a husband who I have been married to for 8 years. I have four living daughters and one daughter in Heaven. We also have another little baby in Heaven. We always find some way to include Carleigh in family photos. In the picture above we have her Carleigh Bear from Molly Bears in the photo.
Book: Have you read a book about grief that helped you immensely in your journey of grief? Please feel welcome to share the book and links to where it can be purchased so others can find it.
It’s not a book for everyone, but it reaches out to parents facing a poor or fatal diagnosis for their baby. This book is an excellent resource for those families. It was not yet out when I was carrying Carleigh, but I wish it were. It would have been so helpful. I did read the book after it came out and even reading it afterward was helpful to me. I felt more of a connection to other families. They had been where I had been and they felt how I felt. Every family facing a poor or fatal diagnosis needs to read this book before deciding whether to terminate or carry to term as doctors do not often have the answers families seek.
The book can be bought on Amazon and is available on Kindle too.
Article: Have you read an article about grief that you would love to share with everyone? Maybe it is something from Still Standing Magazine or a blog post from your favorite blogger or writer. Please feel welcome to share who wrote the article and how the article resonated with you and also the direct link to the article if it is online.
I can’t really pinpoint just one article. I’ve read so many that the ones I would consider sharing I don’t remember what they are titled. I have read a lot of good articles on Still Standing Magazine, which centers on loss and infertility.
