More from yesterday

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who left a comment on my last post. All of them are so helpful. I really wasn't sure how it would be taken. I could've kept it to myself, but I knew that if one person could draw something from it then I needed to post it. Thank you for all the nice things you said. You all are too kind and you make me blush.

I know some of you said you would've been offended receiving that email and perhaps I would've too if it wouldn't have came from the person that it did. It did take courage to write, not knowing how it would be received. While the person has not had the experience of losing a child, they are a person who has shown me they care a lot for me and they have also done a lot. I could've immediately been offended and written off everything that was said in the email but I needed to look beyond just the words.

It's easy for someone to sing your praises. It's not so easy to tell someone, especially a loved one, that they may not be in the place they should or could be. You risk a lot putting yourself out there. There are people who speak without thinking and end up saying insensitive things, while meaning well. There are people who speak and just don't care at all. This is a case of a person who thought through their words and meant well. I am grateful that someone cared enough for me to speak up, even if I don't agree with everything they say. I think of the analogy of a friend who will tell you that you look awful in an outfit when everyone else says that you look great. It takes a true friend to tell you the truth even when it hurts-they run the risk of offending you because they love you.

What prolly prompted the email was the stretch in time around 6 months after losing Carleigh where I was struggling a little. Seeing me doing so well after her loss and then start to struggle was prolly concerning for this person. If I hadn't walked this road with all of you and knew that this was a normal part of grief I'd prolly be concerned too.

I can assure you, I am just as positive and happy (well, most of the time anyway! lol) in real life as I am on my blog. Those who know me personally can attest to this. How the heck am I so positive? Beats me! lol No, really, it's prolly a sum of my own personality, my experiences, and God. Sometimes it surprises even me.

I agree with those of you who said our life experiences help make us who we are. They certainly do!! I do believe we can choose how they make us. You can take something bad and choose to let it have a bad effect or a good effect on your life (and it can take time to work through those bad things). Take my experience with Jordan. (I know some of you may not know about this area of my life but you will soon as an important date approaches.) It was something absolutely horrible and I will never forget the suffering I endured. I could have easily succumbed to the darkness that was pulling on me, but I sought help and climbed out of the pit I was falling in to. I grew so much from the whole experience once I began to heal. I reached out to others and shared my story and I saved a few lives in the process. I remember saying that if one person could find Jesus through my experience then it was worth it all and I still feel that way.

Something one of you said really struck me as true. "The pain is still there and it still hurts even when good things come from the pain." Even though I am happy, I still feel the pain of losing Carleigh. I still feel the pain of losing Jordan. I don't think that ever really goes away. You just kinda learn to live with it.

While I have resolved to be happy, I am certain there will be times that I won't want to be. There will be times when all I want to do is cry for my baby. I won't hold the tears back because sometimes you just need a good cry. It's like a release for the soul. And, yes, like one of you said, there can be joy in sorrow!