9 months

Today was 9 months since Carleigh's birth.

The day went just fine. I worked and my mind was kept engrossed enough in that and a book that I actually didn't think about it much. When I got home Hannah was getting ready to leave so I didn't get to see her much and after she left I was busy putting away all the stuff we lugged home from Christmas. That was fun (yeah right).

So, how am I doing?

I'm doing pretty well. I am happy almost every day. I have my moments when it hits me, like driving home on Sunday from Christmas. A trip that normally takes a little over 2 hours took about 4 hours because of the weather and everyone driving slow. I just felt it then so pretty much the whole way home I listened to Carleigh's complete playlist on my phone, even when I dozed off. I cried a little. It's easy for me to cry in the dark. Nobody can see me then.

It's still easier for me to get upset about things quicker and I still don't like big crowds, but I'm getting better. When I feel myself start to get irritated I talk myself down in my head. I ask myself, "Is this really worth getting upset over?" And most of the time it isn't so I self-prescribe a chill pill. Hubby is prolly the worst at getting me going. We know how to annoy each other well. He's also much better than me at making up too because I can be so stubborn.

I still try to visit Carleigh once a week but I imagine this winter it may be less because of the weather. If it doesn't get too bad I'll keep going once a week. I guess even if it does snow a lot I could keep going but I'd just have to invest in a pair of snow boots, which would be nice to have anyway.

I have finally gotten the stamps made of her hand and foot prints like I've been wanting to do for a while. They turned out pretty good and are the actual size of her prints. I actually used them for the first time last night to write a couple thank you notes. Now I can stamp them in her Dreams of You memory book. I'm almost done completing that book. Seems like I've been working on it forever.

It's hard to believe it's been 9 months already. Time slips by so fast and in just a few days we'll be welcoming a new year. God is still my Provider and Comforter. I've definitely learned in this journey that I am nothing without Him. It is Him that has carried me through all of this and I give Him all the glory.

Happy 9 months in Heaven, Carleigh. Mommy loves you!