Carleigh’s 3rd Birthday

I wasn’t sure how year 3 would be. I was hoping it would be a good day but you just never know how emotional or not it may be. Thankfully, both the day before and her actual birthday were good days. Even the days leading up to her birthday weren’t bad. I only had a couple moments. I think maybe I would have had more had I not been so busy with everything and taking care of the girls. The girls certainly keep my hands and mind busy just themselves, especially Lainey!

The day before her birthday something neat actually happened. The 27th was the day we went into the hospital for my induction with Carleigh. In the early morning on the ride to the hospital I was able to feel Carleigh hiccup for the last time. On the morning of the 27th around the same time Evanee got the hiccups. It was just really neat and I wanted to share. It totally took me back there but not in a bad way. It made me smile to remember that time because I think of Carleigh’s last hiccups as a gift from her.

The week before Carleigh’s birthday I ordered her cake. I knew I didn’t want to get a huge cake and have a ton of it left over like the previous year so I got a small cake and browsed the internet for possible designs and customized it with the colors I wanted. I think it turned out really good. The cake ended up being bigger than I thought it would and we still had cake left over so I took it into work the next day to share. It was delicious!

I had Anthony pick up the cake the morning of Carleigh’s birthday and also some balloons too. Before we left the house I made sure to get a pic of us all in our purple and with Carleigh bear of course!

We went to the cemetery so that I could change Carleigh’s flower arrangement to a more spring one and to also release the balloons we had gotten. I let Kyndra release the balloons when it was time.

After we were done at the cemetery we spent the day as a family at an aquarium. The girls really enjoyed it, especially the shark tunnel. Carleigh bear even came along! We visited a candy shop next door to the aquarium and picked up some goodies for all of us (cotton candy for me!).

When we got home we had steak and twice baked potatoes for supper and then cut into Carleigh’s cake.

I had wanted to go through Carleigh’s pictures and perhaps some videos too but that didn’t end up happening. By the end of the day I was so tired I just wanted to go to bed! I did spend a little time the day before though looking at a few items in her memory chest so I’m glad I at least got to do that.

Happy 3rd Birthday

Wishing my sweet little girl a happy 3rd birthday in Heaven. I love you and miss you.

Today we both have the day off work and are spending the day together as a family and remembering our little girl gone too soon from our arms.

In Our Hearts Photo Pendants

I wanted to share a little about In Our Hearts Photo Pendants. My friend Celia now runs this blog (it was previously run by my friend Heather). Celia offers pendants to help keep the memory of your baby close. You can get photos, footprints, or another image to remember your baby and then hang the pendant from a necklace, suncatcher, or other object.

Below are 2 pendants I have had made. The first was made by Heather when she ran the blog and I gifted it to my mom. The second was made by Celia and is on its way to me now.

These pendants would make a wonderful gift for a friend and fellow bereaved mom or dad. They would be good for siblings too. A $5 donation is requested to help with shipping costs and these pendants are well worth the small cost. To find more about how to get your own pendant or one for a friend please go HERE or you can send an email to InOurHeartsPhotoPendants@gmail.com.

You can see the many pendants that have already been made on the blog.

Sufficient Grace Online Auction

The Sufficient Grace Online Auction to benefit Sufficient Grace Ministries is fast approaching!! The auction is set to be held from April 4-6. You can find all the information about the auction on the FB event page. The actual auction will take place on my Caring for Carleigh FB page.

We are currently in need of donations for the auction. There are over 80 items currently up for bid and last year we had over 140 items. I would love to be able to have more items this year. Any new or handmade item is welcomed. If you are interested in donating an item please email me at caring4carleigh@yahoo.com. Thank you! We hope to be able to raise over $2000 for the ministry, which helps grieving women and families.

2 to 3

In just 2 weeks it’ll be Carleigh’s 3rd birthday. Wow! I can’t believe it. It’s really snuck up on me this year. Surprisingly, I have been ok for the most part aside from a moment here and there. I think it is mostly due to being so busy all the time with life and my other girls that I don’t have time to sit and think about things.

We definitely plan to celebrate her birthday in some way. I’m not really sure what we’ll do but I do want to a cake for her again. I don’t think I’ll get one quite as large as the past 2 years otherwise we will have tons of cake left over. I’m sure we’ll release some balloons too. I guess I just don’t feel the need to plan it all out this year.

I know I want to make her a special flower arrangement for her birthday. I totally need to get on that already.

Oh sweet baby girl, I can’t believe you would be approaching 3 years old. I wish I could imagine you at 3 but it’s so hard. I really don’t know who you’d be.

Reuniting in Heaven

 
This week we are talking this week about the hope of heaven and the glorious reunion that each of us long for with great hope. (My original post is here.)

There has been many times since Carleigh was born that I have thought about the glory of Heaven and what it will be like when I am reunited with my children and I get to embrace my Savior. The joy of those moments is more than I can even imagine. I can’t even begin to express how much I look forward to that day.

I think that knowing that I will be reunited again with my children one day has made this road more bearable for me. No one or nothing can take that hope away from me. Sometimes that day seems so far away but I know that this life one earth is but a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of eternity in Heaven.

The excerpt below is from my original post. I don’t think I could rewrite it any differently today.

What do I imagine Heaven is like? Well, I know it is very beautiful and I envision the purest light ever radiating to every place-every nook and cranny. The streets of Heaven are lined with gold and precious jewels and stones are everywhere. It is warm and big, fluffy clouds surround everything. (Big, fluffy clouds may not even exist in Heaven but they sure do make me feel good. They remind me of things that are very soft.) There are buildings and mansions and many people. A heavenly tune floats through the air and songs of praise are sung.

I think that once you enter Heaven (of course I have no way of knowing this) you are greeted by people you love. They welcome you and hug you until you get accustomed to your new home and then they take you to meet Jesus. I am not sure of age in Heaven. I don't even have a guess as to how old people appear to be. I have a couple theories though. I think that either they look the age that you remember them or when they passed away or that everyone is at a same general age. I often think more of the latter. I have a hard time grasping little babies in Heaven.

I believe I will know my children instantly and they will know me. I imagine running into each other's arms and being filled with so much love and joy to see them and to know them as a mother should at last. There would be no sweeter words out of the mouth of my children than to hear them say "Mommy, I love you!"

I love you too.

Writing on the Wall ~ baby boards

I wanted to share about an awesome new project that my friend Misty has created. I met my Misty 3 years ago through the yahoo group ABFA when we were both pregnant with our babies who had been diagnosed with anencephaly. Misty gave birth on April 8, 2009 to her beautiful son, Isaac, who blessed his family with 70 minutes before entering Heaven. This project is in honor of him and Misty certainly found a beautiful way to honor her son.

The project is called Writing on the Wall. One of the very special things Misty does is create baby boards for babyloss moms to honor their precious babies. To read more about the inspiration behind this project and what she is offering for babyloss moms please visit her Babyloss Community page. She even has special pricing for babyloss moms who want a board for their baby-a discount of 30% off the regular price.

Misty made me my own board for Carleigh and it turned out so wonderful. (Plus Misty was fabulous to work with!) It’s so nice to have this board that says her name and I can see it every day. I was able to customize the color that I wanted my board along with the color of both fonts used. Fonts are also customizable. I even love the distressed look she gave my board.

The board currently sits in front of Carleigh’s picture by our computer. Eventually I’d like to hang a shelf to put it on.

Misty also offers individual blocks you can customize with whatever saying you would like. These start at $2.50 each. You could add your baby’s birthdate to a block and it would be a perfect addition to a baby board. You could even add a block with your baby’s birth stats too and then stack all the blocks to your liking.

The project just isn’t limited to blocks and boards either. You can have anything customized for your home, your car, or more. Misty sent me Carleigh’s name that I applied above the angel feet already on our van. I love how it looks even more than before!

If you are interested in getting your own baby board or other item email Misty at misty.writingonthewall@gmail.com.

If you are willing to do a blog post about the baby boards and help Misty spread the word about her new project, you can get 15% off your order. Just email her for details!

The Things People Say

This week we are sharing some of the things that people said to us while we were in the throes of grief…for better or for worse. (My original post is here.)

I began grieving on December 15, 2008, which was the day I found out that Carleigh had anencephaly. I grieved for so many things-lost hopes, lost dreams, lost innocence. Those things were all crushed that day. In the midst of my devastation, I had a lot of people who reached out to me with love and support. In the midst of all that support though words were said that weren’t helpful and or appropriate in my opinion.

The first one that always sticks out plainly in my mind are the words “I’m sorry for your loss”. Now, these words are perfectly fine if your baby has died but my baby was still very much alive and I hated hearing those words. I lost a lot of things that day but I did not lose my daughter. Of course, I understand that people were just trying to be supportive and prolly didn’t know what to say but felt like they had to say something. You don’t need a lot of words to show a person that you care. I find that keeping it simple is often best when at a loss for words. Just saying “I’m sorry” is good enough.

I think what people need to realize is that there are no words that will make it better. There are no words that will take away the pain of finding out your child won’t live or losing a child. The impact of these moments will always stay with a person no matter how much time has passed. They will never forget and they often don’t forget both the supportive and the unsupportive things and words during that time. I certainly haven’t forgotten.

Other things that I have heard include “everything happens for a reason”, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”, “it was God’s will/plan”, “Heaven has another angel”, etc. None of these statements were helpful to me at all. I don’t think they give an ounce of comfort, especially when a person is freshly grieving. When a person is grieving they don’t need to hear your platitudes. I am guilty of saying these things in the past but I make sure I never say them now because I know it does nothing to help the person grieving. I say this as a person who does believe that Carleigh was part of God’s plan for us. When you are in a place where your heart is hurting and you don’t understand and it all seems so unfair those words can hurt.

I consider myself lucky that I have not encountered hurtful words that have been said to some of my friends. Words like “it’s time to move on/get over it” or “you can just have more children”. Those are just two of the many I have heard through others. I know these words come from a place of ignorance. If you haven’t lost a child you may not realize that there is no getting over it and that having more children doesn’t replace the one(s) that died. I think many people just want us to be back to ‘normal’ but what they fail to realize is that the people we once were don’t really exist anymore. I believe over time we can see more of our former selves but it’s never the same. Our actions and thought processes are forever altered. It can be hard to learn how to navigate this new road many find themselves on so please be patient.

I have learned a lot through my own grief on what is helpful and what isn’t helpful in comforting others. But sometimes I’m still at a loss for words. Even though I may not have the right words I know some things will always be right like a hug, a card, or simply telling a person you are thinking of and/or praying for them.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

The Truffula Tree

Carleigh and Jordan’s names were added to the Truffula Tree. You can see their post with their pom poms here. You can read how the Truffula Tree came about here and you can also go to the blog to request that your babies be added to the tree.

March Babies

♥ Remembering March Babies ♥

Logan ~ March 1, 2007
Jaxon, Colin, Courtney ~ March 2, 2007
Maxton ~ March 3, 2009
Jasper ~ March 4, 2009
Ella ~ March 4, 2010
Nathan ~ March 5, 2008
Calvin ~ March 5, 2009
Blake & Ethan ~ March 5, 2008
Shelby, Megan, & Lynne ~ March 6, 2009
Zac ~ March 6, 2009
Anthony ~ March 9, 2008
Dexter ~ March 9. 2009
Amelia ~ March 11, 2010
William ~ March 11, 2009
Sage ~ March 13, 2009

Emma ~ March 13, 2008
Ireland ~ March 14, 2009
Johnny ~ March 14, 2009
Ella ~ March 15, 2009
Genesis ~ March 16, 2007
Lily ~ March 16, 2010
William & Neaven ~ March 17, 2007
Leila ~ March 22, 2010
Gaelen ~ March 24, 2011
Freja ~ March 25, 2009
Thea ~ March 25, 2011
Carli ~ March 26, 2010
Noah ~ March 26, 2008
Seth ~ March 27, 2008
Carter ~ March 27, 2009
Carleigh ~ March 28, 2009
Marshall ~ March 30, 2008
Cora ~ March 31, 2009
Levi ~ March 31, 2009
Dharma ~ March 31, 2008

If your baby's name is not listed and you would like it to be please leave a comment below.