Saturday, June 18, 2011

What I’m grateful for

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I decided to take part in a writing link-up with The Dead Baby Club. I like linking up to stuff like this because it gives me the opportunity to sit and think and write about things on my grief journey. I don’t write like I used to simply because sometimes I feel like everything has already been said, but I know that’s not true. This journey is continually evolving. The topic for this link-up is about gratitude.

Gratitude. Since the loss of my child(ren) the one thing I am most grateful for is…..

I have found that I am a lot more grateful for healthy, living children than I ever was. I took it for granted. I mean, I realized things happened but I never figured it would happen to me. It’s always other people that stuff happens to. But then it became me and my world was shattered and changed forever. The innocence of pregnancy was no more and in crept the fear of losing another child. And it didn’t end with the end of the pregnancy. It continues as the child grows.

My husband thinks I am a little overboard at times with our rainbow baby. Like when I check on her breathing just 5 minutes after putting her down asleep or when we are driving and I check on her in her car seat to make sure she’s still breathing. I can’t help it. The death of my child has made me paranoid. I told him that just because it happened to us once doesn’t mean we are exempt from it happening again. There are no rules with this kind of thing.

More than ever I believe that every child who is born healthy and alive is a true miracle. I don’t take that miracle for granted like before.


Mary said...

"Vivre la naissance d'un enfant est notre chance la plus accessible de saisir le sens du mot miracle."
Je pense qu'il est bon de s'arrêter un moment et de regarder toutes les choses qui nous entourent, prendre le temps de dire merci pour tout ce qui est ici. Nous avons trop souvent tendance à considérer comme acquis

Stephanie said...

Holly ~ I think Steven and I do the same things with our rainbow. We just have to. And being grateful for all the friends in this community is where I am too ~ especially you!

I gotta say, I am so wishing I read french so I could read this other post.

~*~ saskia ~*~ said...

Have a happiest of father's days, Holly xx

Keri Kitchen said...

I am with you. When Paxton is quietly sleeping, I often have a near-panic moment and have to check his breathing... just in case. If he's too quiet, it scares me. Every time someone tells me they're expecting now, I feel this little knot in my stomach and pray that they have a happy, healthy pregnancy. Things really do change! Life is so very fragile. At the same time, I try to not let myself go overboard. I know that if something happens, we'll make it through that too... so i guess instead of saying i'm afraid, i should say i dread the possibility of having to go through anything like that again.

Sarita Boyette said...

You did a great job in writing this! I agree, a living child is such a true miracle. I don't blame you for checking on your babies the way you do. xoxo

Caroline said...

Written so well & so very true. I know I'm forever changed too.

Chrissy said...

perfectly said Holly! Our living children are miracles! Thanks for sharing this with us.

Monica said...

So true! Life in itself is a miracle!

Mattie said...

I get it. How much more precious a gift is life when you have experienced loss...every life is a miracle and sometimes in the frustrations of parenthood it may be easy to forget how quickly things can change. I think loss moms have also be given the gift to love a little more deeply than before.

Crystal Theresa said...

i definitely took for granted how much of a miracle a healthy, living child is. and i hope, if/when i am blessed with a baby to-keep, that i will remember not to take that precious life for granted. thank you for sharing this. i'm sure the fears will always be there, but hopefully it will get easier to hand them over to Him.

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