On the outside we look like a perfectly happy family. And don't get me wrong, we are happy....but beneath the surface there's more you can't see. There's missing and hurt and a deep hole.
Today I took Lainey in for her 4 month check-up. As we were sitting in the waiting room a lady came in with her toddler girl and infant son, both babies close in age to my own. She checked in and sat down. I was playing with my girls and she must have been watching as she asks how old Kyndra was and I replied that she was 3. She then starts talking about her children being like 22 months apart and it being the perfect age gap and blah, blah, blah.... I kinda quit listening after her proclaiming it such wonderful spacing. I hope she didn't notice and I hope I didn't appear unfriendly. I just kinda got lost in my own thoughts.
I was thinking that no, it isn't perfect. Perfect would be having another little girl nestled between the two. But she couldn't see that. I was tempted to say something but I didn't. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. Oh, but I was so close. I really was. I did say back to her that Kyndra was really good with her sister, which is true. That was the best I could get out. Luckily, I didn't have to deal with any more because we got called back.
I wish that people could see the missing link in our family. I wish they could see the little girl that still lives in my heart.
There's a void they can't see and nothing can fill it.
5 days ago