I remember on the day we got Carleigh’s diagnosis I came home that evening from the hospital and I spent some time on the computer. At that time, I spent a lot of time on Cafemom and had made quite a few friends there. So I got on and I wrote a post on my journal on the site about what had just happened (and later transferred it here to this blog).
I got a lot of comments of support and love from both my friends on the site and from strangers. It was something I needed. I got a lot of comments saying that I was brave or strong. In those first few days I sure didn’t feel brave or strong. I felt like a ball of emotions and tears. I think the line from the song I Will Carry You says it best- “People say that I am brave, but I’m not. Truth is, I’m barely hanging on.”
I don’t know how I got through those days as well as I did. Well, actually I do. It was God’s strength lifting me up and pushing me forward. I’m convinced the prayers of so many were showering down on us. There was no way I could get through any of this without God guiding me. My own strength would simply not be enough. If I had tried to do this on my own I really don’t know how I could’ve coped so well.
People often say that they wouldn’t be able to be as strong if it were them. My reply? You simply cannot know this. You do not know what you are capable of until you are in that moment, until it happens to you. I think we often underestimate ourselves and God.
There’s a song by Matthew West on his new album The Story of Your Life. It’s called Strong Enough and I immediately took a liking to this song the first time I heard it. I think it adequately says that our strength isn’t enough but God’s is.
I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7
God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
The LORD is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation. Psalm 118:14