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I remember on the day we got Carleigh’s diagnosis I came home that evening from the hospital and I spent some time on the computer. At that time, I spent a lot of time on Cafemom and had made quite a few friends there. So I got on and I wrote a post on my journal on the site about what had just happened (and later transferred it here to this blog).
I got a lot of comments of support and love from both my friends on the site and from strangers. It was something I needed. I got a lot of comments saying that I was brave or strong. In those first few days I sure didn’t feel brave or strong. I felt like a ball of emotions and tears. I think the line from the song I Will Carry You says it best- “People say that I am brave, but I’m not. Truth is, I’m barely hanging on.”
I don’t know how I got through those days as well as I did. Well, actually I do. It was God’s strength lifting me up and pushing me forward. I’m convinced the prayers of so many were showering down on us. There was no way I could get through any of this without God guiding me. My own strength would simply not be enough. If I had tried to do this on my own I really don’t know how I could’ve coped so well.
People often say that they wouldn’t be able to be as strong if it were them. My reply? You simply cannot know this. You do not know what you are capable of until you are in that moment, until it happens to you. I think we often underestimate ourselves and God.
There’s a song by Matthew West on his new album The Story of Your Life. It’s called Strong Enough and I immediately took a liking to this song the first time I heard it. I think it adequately says that our strength isn’t enough but God’s is.
I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7
God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
The LORD is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation. Psalm 118:14
11 comments:
People often ask me how we did what we did. I have two responses, "We really didn't have a choice!" Or "We merely did what God asked, and he gave us strength."
It always kind of hurt to hear how strong we were - I was breaking down in tears at every opportunity, and my body wasn't able to take care of Maddie. How was I strong? But looking back, I know that I was, and that it was all God.
Hugs to you, friend!
I hated and still hate people telling me I'm strong. But what's worse is when someone will follow it up with 'I would just DIE if my kid died' :'( It breaks my heart so much and makes me so very angry.
This is a great post. It is so true, that you just could never know until you are faced with it.
I could never have imagined what my family could get through, and I know we got through it because we had so many prayers and God's strength to help us on our way to healing!
Beautiful post. All so true. Somedays I don't know how I have made it and our family but with God he has seen us through whatever storm has been thrown are way. I thank him for you and other friends I have met on this journey all have helped so much.
Beautiful...and so true. It's not about our strength, but the strength of our God who carries us! Love to you!
I'm reminded by what someone once said "you don't know how strong your are until strong is all you have" It so true. And having God in your corner is what allows us to move forward when we want to fade away.
You have been on a tough journey, Holly, & God has seen you through it. Isn't He great? The song & scriptures are especially meaningful for this post. xoxo
You're so right. You dont know what you can handle until you have to. I also feel like God is the only reason I didn't lose my mind.
so so true, I do not know how I would have gotten through the last year without God's strength carrying me through!
What an amzaing song and post!! I needed this!! Your amazing. Much love!
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