Tuesday, September 28, 2010

18 months

Carleigh,

Today it has been 18 months since you were born. I can hardly believe it's been that long. I try to imagine what you would be like at 18 months old but my mind just can't grasp it. I find it hard to picture you as anything but a baby. Now that your little sister is here I remember what it was like to hold you. You were so small. I can imagine what it would be like again to hold your baby hands and to touch your baby feet and to feel the weight of you in my arms. I miss that. I miss you. Every day we get farther and farther from that time. We have our memories but even those won't be as clear as they are today or as they were yesterday. Thank goodness we have pictures to help us remember.

Daddy and I aren't as heavy in our grief as in the beginning and for that we are thankful. We don't want to stay there forever. We're moving forward with you in our hearts. And I think we'll always have a glimpse of you in your sisters. But there are still moments I cry for you. They are moments when I'm by myself with my thoughts or when I hear a song that tugs at my heart and makes me think of you. I am happy though even among those moments.

How can there be so much I want to say but can't find the words to say it? Maybe you know already and there's no need for words. I hope so.

I love you always my sweet girl.

Love, Mommy

18 comments:

pennynjon said...

((BIG HUGS))...She does know.

Henninger Family said...

The grief does get easier, but the missing is still very much there...

Jennifer said...

I hate how time takes us further away from them, but I love how it draw us one day closer to seeing them again! Hugs sweet mama!

Monica said...

<3

croleyc69 said...

{{HUGS}} I think of you and Carleigh so much. <3 you.

Caroline

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

Love you, Holly-girl...

Steve Finnell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mama Melissa said...

Hugs to you and all your babies. :)

Lisette said...

((HUGS)), Carleigh knows how much you love and miss her. I know the days are brighter but the grey cloud of grief still looms there. I wish this raod were easier.

The McDaniel 3 said...

I am sure she knows! I would like to believe that the people in my life that I have lost can hear my prayers! Sometimes I talk to them at night before and after I pray. Such a beautiful post!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

A very sweet letter to Carleigh and I am sure that she knows!

stitchndeb said...

I agree .. she knows, Holly. You are such a good mom and Carleigh loves you! ~Debbie

Sarita Boyette said...

Carleigh knows how much you love her and all the things you want to tell her, I believe. She was so loved when she was carried by you and she is loved now and will always be loved. Yes, we miss our babies, but with the promise of our Lord, we will be reunited.
xoxoxoxo

Lori said...

Exactly...so much to say and no words to say it... sending you love!!!!

Jenny said...

What a sweet post. Everyone says the grief gets easier, I just think we find different ways of handling it. Instead of crying all day, i write and I still cry. Its such a lonely journey sometimees.

Betty said...

I think it always hurts..we just learn to handle it...go on in spite of it. Thank you for sharing such a personal letter with us all. There isnt a day that passes that I dont think of one of our girls, and then it makes me think of the other. Some days I could almost be jealous of them up in Heaven with out us, but we will be there soon enough. Our little ones here need us for now. The girls have God. I think they are covered. HaHa!

Jennifer Ross said...

That was such a sweet letter Holly. Very beautiful. It seems as though I don't have enough words to write, and yet I'm sure you understand exactly what I mean... just as Carleigh understands your sweet mommy heart.

Love ya,
Jenny

Cecilia said...

A sweet letter. I believe she knows!

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