Filling Carleigh's memory chest

I thought I would share something of Carleigh in today’s Wednesday Walk. The video I’m sharing is of me putting items in Carleigh’s memory chest. It was taken on November 9, 2009. The chest was made by hand by my aunt and uncle and this was the first time I had put anything in it. I had Anthony take a video of me doing so.I kinda mumble in it so you can’t really make out too much of what I say. About halfway through the video Kyndra comes along. I think she makes the video cute and I can’t believe how little she looks compared to now. It made me smile when she keeps saying, “Ready? Ready!” over and over. I remember when she used to say that constantly.

All of the items I put in the chest are for Carleigh except for two. The doily angel and the small plaque are Jordan’s.

New Flowers & Happy Birthday August babies

On Sunday after church we went out to the cemetery to give Carleigh some new flowers. Her summer flowers were looking pretty faded (although you might not be able to tell by the pics) and I would've liked to wait a little longer to put some new ones up but I didn't want sad looking flowers to stay up there for several more weeks. So I went ahead and put in her fall flowers, which is an arrangement that my mom gave me on Carleigh's birthday to use for her. (And I just got some more from her over the weekend!)

The day was warm and a little overcast but the sun did peek through a couple times. We took a balloon with flowers on it out to the cemetery too to release for babies who had August birthdays. Kyndra was all about releasing the balloon "to the sky" until it actually started floating away. Then she got upset because she wanted it back.

So here are some pics from our visit and of the balloon release. I kinda look a little grumpy in the flower pics but I assure you I wasn't! I think I was just concentrating or something.























Happy Birthday to those babies who have birthdays in August.

Grace Isabelle~ August 1, 2009
Isaiah Christopher ~ August 3, 2008
Lily Angeline ~ August 3, 2008
Andrew Ryan ~ August 7, 2009
Cayden Cooper ~ August 8, 2009
Russell Elliot ~ August 10, 2009
Kelsey Peace ~ August 11, 2009
Bryson Cole ~ August 12, 2009
Emma Jane & Chase Smith ~ August 12, 2009
Reese Catherine ~ August 13, 2009
Hope Angel ~ August 19, 2008
Isabella Denise ~ August 21, 2008
Nevaeh Grace ~ August 25, 2009
Madelyn Rebecca ~ August 28, 2009
Gloria Grace ~ August 29, 2006
Ezra Malik ~ August 30, 2008

I apologize if I have forgotten anyone. Please leave a comment or email if I have and I would be glad to add your baby's name to the list. Also, this may possibly be the last month I am able to release a balloon. While I'll still be remembering all the babies who have birthdays it may not be possible for me to get out and get a balloon to release depending on when Carleigh's little sister decides to make her appearance.

Day of Hope

August 19th ~ Day of Hope

Today I am remembering Carleigh and Jordan along with the many other precious babies and mommies that I have met in this journey.

My sweet babies,
I am remembering you today just like any other today. You're both always on my mind. One day we'll finally be together in Heaven. Until then, I'll keep loving you from here.
Love always,
Mommy

For this day, I donated 3 blankets to my hospital. I hope that these blankets will be able to offer some sort of comfort to the families who will use them. I know that Carleigh's blanket is special to me.

Ride4Grace & Ice Cream Social

Over the weekend was Sufficient Grace Ministries Ride4Grace bike run and ice cream social fundraisers. The turnout for the event was not what we had hoped but I know both Kelly and I are grateful to those who came out and supported the ministry. Kelly and her family and me showed up early to get things set up. A big thanks to Randy from Findlay First Church of the Nazarene for helping us out with the setup and thank you to the church for allowing us to use the facilities.

The day started out nice enough but halfway through the bike run it rained. I didn't do the bike run this year for obvious reasons. For my and Lainey's safety, we stayed behind and helped out with the ice cream social. In addition to ice cream (which was really good!), there were hot dogs and chips and I know I enjoyed eating it all! :) And Kelly even gave me a nice Sufficient Grace shirt! It was a little snug around the midsection but I managed it!

Of course I took some pics of it all!










Thank you everyone who came out and showed your support! If you weren't able to make it you can still donate to the ministry. You can go to the Sufficient Grace website and click on the icon that says Support Sufficient Grace.

Patches the Bear makes a visit

Patches made his arrival to our home from Emily's on August 11th. The weather wasn't that great when he arrived as it was raining. So we stayed inside and watched tv. I introduced him to Kyndra, who really took a liking to him. Patches watched lots of Sesame Street clips on youtube with her. And he even got a sweet kiss from her!





On August 13th, Patches accompanied me to work.

After work I took Patches out to the cemetery to visit Carleigh. We just relaxed in the grass for a bit and enjoyed the warm weather.



On August 14th, Patches went with me to the Ride4Grace and Ice Cream Social being held for Sufficient Grace Ministries. He mostly stayed in the kitchen but I brought him out to sit on the donation table for a little bit.

I enjoyed the visit with Patches and seeing in his travel log where he had been already. Today I sent him off to Katy so he could visit her.

Just a random thought

I was on some web page reading about grief and I read where it said one of the physical ways to grieve was by holding a stuffed animal, doll, or even a baby blanket close and sometimes rocking back and forth. Hmmm. Interesting. I totally do this. And most of the time I don't realize it right away.

Usually it is when I have one of Kyndra's blankets and I'm not holding her. I will rock back and forth like I'm rocking a baby. Now I'm not really sure if this is totally due to grief or if it is just a natural reaction of a mommy. When you have a baby in your arms you rock back and forth. At least I do. I don't really notice doing it unless I am holding one of her blankets so maybe it's a subconscious mind connection thing. Blanket=baby.

Anybody else notice doing things like this?

Just the happenings

Things have been pretty good around these parts. On July 28th it was 16 months but I honestly didn't even think about it until 2 days later. Then it was like, "Oh yeah, we just passed the 28th again...." I'm actually kinda glad that the day doesn't have so much of a hold every month like it used to. Seems like once we passed her first birthday I was able to relax and enjoy things more. Still miss her every day and always will. Just the other night we watched her NILMDTS slideshow that I made and I think it got to Anthony a little bit (unless he just had something in his eye). This may sound weird but I'm glad to know that he still misses her as much as I do.

My butterfly bush is blooming wonderfully and we've had lots of butterflies this year. I was able to snap a pic of a big one like a week ago. I've even spotted a few praying mantises, which is great because I didn't see many last year.

I had intentions of planting flowers in Carleigh's corner this year but it never happened. Prolly just as well since it isn't easy for me to bend over and pull weeds. Anthony sprayed some weed killer in all the flower beds and it's done a really excellent job of keeping the weeds away thank goodness. They were bad there for a while. Perhaps next year I'll finally get around to planting her some flowers. And after Anth hacked up my weeping cherry over her spot last year I'm glad to see that it has grown in pretty well. Although it would have been nice to see more blooms on it in the spring. It's always so pretty then. I can tell you he's not trimming it up again this year!!

I haven't been out to visit Carleigh in a month. It doesn't seem like it's been that long already but it has. I think in September I'll put some new flowers up for her. Some fall ones. Maybe after church this Sunday if it is nice out then we can go for a visit.

I had the privilege of meeting a blog friend 2 Fridays ago. Well, actually I met her before I had even seen her blog so that was a first! Erin contacted me and I found we don't live very far from each other and she asked if we could meet up and I thought it was a great idea. I always enjoy meeting blog friends IRL. It was different for me this time because I didn't really know much about Erin besides what we had emailed but we had a great time and conversation (and I had some good Chinese food!). She's really a nice and pleasant person to be around! Stop by and say hi to her! :) You can also read about her precious daughter Rosalynn.

October is coming quickly and I'm sure many in the babyloss community are aware that it is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month with October 15th being Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Last year I did some giveaways and this year I'd like to do some again. I already have some ideas but was interested in hearing anybody's thoughts on what might be a neat giveaway or what you would love to win if you were to enter. And if you know of any great sales or discount codes I would love to know about them!