Monday, January 25, 2010

Thanks and 'anonymous'

Thank you Emily for sending me pictures of Carleigh's and Jordan's names in the sand.
Thank you Betty for sending me pictures of Carleigh's name in the snow.
Thank you to Lisa (Jasper's mommy) for sending me pictures of Carleigh's name by a waterfall.
They are all so beautiful! I've added them to Carleigh's page in her name gallery.

Thank you Katy (Hannah's mommy) for the wonderful gift and for creating these wonderful pieces for so many mommies. I love it so much and it will be a treasured piece.




And to address the anonymous commenter.....normally I would ignore you because I don't feel that if you have to hide to speak your words you aren't worth acknowledging but I thought I would help you to understand what you obviously don't get.

To those of you who didn't see the comment (which would be most since I deleted it right away) the person said that my baby that I am currently pregnant with is only going to feel like a replacement child and that Carleigh is not a big sister because a deceased child cannot be a big sister to anything. First, I will say I feel sorry for you. You obviously have no compassion in your heart to come to a blog written by a grieving mother and say those things. It must be your intent to try and hurt and you must not have much self-worth to do so. I'll pray that God works on your heart so it doesn't turn completely black.

Second, you obviously haven't lost a child otherwise you wouldn't have said such ignorant things. This child I am carrying could never be a replacement child. My baby will be loved just as much if Carleigh was here with us or in Heaven. A mother's heart grows in love for each child she has. Each child has a separate and significant piece of it that is always theirs, whether they stay here on earth or go to Heaven.

Third, I do not look at things from an earthly perspective but a Heavenly one. I don't measure my life or my family's by earthly standards but by an eternal one. I have a daughter who will always be that to me-my daughter. She will always be a little sister and a big sister because that is simply what she is. I really don't understand why anybody couldn't understand that. Just because a person dies doesn't mean they stop becoming something. Sure, Carleigh can't physically be a little or big sister right now but she will always have that relationship. Just like if my mom or dad would die, they wouldn't stop being my mom or dad. If I had another child and one of my parents were gone that would still be their grandparent. Perhaps you are too dense to understand that but for me it is pretty simple.

54 comments:

Jennifer Ross said...

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hold on, I have to close my mouth..... I am in shock and in terrible disgust at the moment. I would tell you how nice your gifts are, but I can't believe what I just read! You've got to be kidding me. I don't even know what to say right now. I am glad that you have a good head on your shoulders, and can act like a mature adult when this kind of "crap" happens out here in the blog world! Sometimes, I truly think about going private. Seriously. I get so sick of SICK people. I don't want them reading my heart. My hurt. It's hard for me to say this, but, may God work on there heart. It's quite sick. If they think that about Carleigh, then all of us who have had other children after a loss, would also be "replacing" our precious children. hmmmmmmmmmmm???? I suppose they can come and visit me and tell me the same thing..... I DARE THEM!!!!!!

P.S. They can leave their name this time too! LOL

Love you Holly

xx

House of Collinsworth said...

I recently got an ignorant comment from an anonymous commenter as well telling me that I just needed to "get over it" and stop talking about Noah all the time and that I wasn't paying enough attention to Ethan. I've just come to understand that there are people out there who simply don't understand and are just cowardly enough to leave an anonymous comment.

I'm so sorry...don't take anything they said to heart.

I luv my Life as a Wife and Mommy said...

That makes me sick! How crazy! I am sorry! I have been following your blog but never commented! I will pray for that person! They need Christ!

Tina said...

I am so sorry Holly for the comment that was left. She/he obviously doesn't understand. However, you responded beautifully, as always! xx

Lauren said...

Oh, don't you want to just slap those rude 'anonymous' commenters?!? I'm sorry that happened to you. They probably get joy out of seeing how it makes all of us so mad, so I try not to give them the time of day.

Hugs,
Lauren

Kate said...

Wow! Like Jennifer said...I had to close my mouth! I think you handled that situation beautifully. I can't imagine saying such a rude, ignorant comment to anyone...even if I didn't understand what they were going through. Of course our children will be big sisters...and most certainly never replaced.

tara looper said...

I came across your blog through another blogger, I can never understand the ignorance of some ppl. You obviously are a strong woman and for someone to leave a comment like that, w/out having the guts to say who they are is a gutless and cowardly and I hope that you were able to put that type of stupidity behind you. We are not all that ignornant thankfully!!! I've been folllowing you since late October so reading this broke my heart!!

Jill said...

Carleigh's new name pictures and the plaque that Katy made are so beautiful! Others are so incredibly nice to do the things that they do.

Sorry you got that anonymous comment. I have heard of others who have had comments like that as well. Obviously this person has no idea what they are talking about, but you had a lovely response back.

xx

victoria bassham said...

Oh my goodness! How could anyone ever say that!? I have never lost a child but I love the little girl I have with everything in me. (By the way Hayden and Carleigh had the same due date). Children are the most special gifts from God and to lose one..I just can't imagine. But, not everyone knows how to love and show compassion aparently.

April said...

WOw, what beautiful gifts! You have such thoughful friends!

I know you had your blog set to "no anonymous" commenters for a while and decided to open it. I am sorry that you have encountered this yet again, Holly. I am so proud of you so for NO letting this person (even for a moment) make you second guess your true values and feelings.
I can completely understand that coming from your prespective, this commenter could certainly have never lost a child, but my first thought was "Wow, it's either THAT, or she has... and is filled with so much hatred and consumed with resentment towards God that she can't even see straight."

I am sorry that this person could be so outwardly rude and hurtful.

♥ Ali ♥ said...

Holly; I need to say this to you.. Thank you, thank you so much for being the one who proved me wrong. This blog is exactly why I have no been blogging in a few months now.. Because some anon comments really tore my feelings apart, and I am not strong enough like you to just blow them off. I couldn't belive the vulgar and nasty things they had to say to me.
Thank you for being so strong; thank you for saying what you did. I will never replace my son; ever... And he will forever be my son, and one day a big brother! Like he dreamed of! Theres no wrong way to grive and these anon commenters don't know this, you are right; they have never experienced what we have or they wouldn't be saying such harsh things. They would understand if they had been there, and I hope to god there hearts don't turn completely black too.

Thanks again for being strong; and know that I still read your blog.
Always,
Ali <3

Linda said...

Holly, I am so sorry that you got that horrible anonymous comment honey...just pray for them and give it all to Jesus sweetie.

I am so happy that you are pregnant...and you are a wonderful and loving mother!

I love the Ephesians 4:29 verse that you posted on your "leave a comment" section...and it is too bad the person that left you that comment didn't heed it.

I pray for special blessings in your life today.

Love you,
Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

Emily said...

Oy. Gotta love the trolls. something said to stir you up, as despicable as it is to willfully stir up a newly-pregnant LBM. And anonymously? Sorry, only one word comes to my mind...."coward".

A while back I had an anonymous someone comment on why I blogged, my life was "pedestrian" compared to theirs. That stung me straight to the core. But remember what they say about opinions...

Also, comment moderation is a wonderful thing, and keeps the bulk of the losers off my blog!

Mary said...

Holly-
I LOVE that plaque! It is so beautiful, and so true, God knew sweet Carleigh before she was born, and had a plan for her.

You are right to try to not let that blogger bother you. You were so elequant in telling them, they just don't understand. How could they? I agree, they do not have children and have never lost one. I will pray for them too, that the Lord shows them how to be kind and sympathetic instead of judging and rude.

AKD said...

I just adore the plaque - it's so lovely!

I am just so sorry, what an awful person. This is someone who obviously is just out to try and hurt others indiscriminately - while I hurt for them that this is how they need to feed good about themselves, it makes me nauseous. I am sending love out to you.

Jessica said...

I love the wall hangings. Katy is so talented!!

The nerve of some people really irritates me. Why would you even say that? Have you no tact? I am addressing the annonymous poster. I know everyone has their own beliefs on this, but I don't allow annonymous comments. I figure if you want to say something, show me your face. Some people are just so miserable that they don't have anything better to do then to make other people miserable.

Veronica said...

What a special gift those names in the sand are! You have some great friends! :)

So sorry about the ugly anon comment. I don't understand why people have to be so cruel. Don't they realize they can choose not to read a blog if they don't agree with what it says? I'm sorry for the hurt I'm sure it caused you beause if it was me that would have gotten a comment like that, I know it would have upset me the same way too.

Praying for you and the special little person growing inside of you! What a gift!

Sherry said...

How RUDE! I cannot believe someone would even think much less leave that comment on your page! Carleigh is a big sister just as much as my living daughter is a big sister! I am sorry that you had to experience this. That is just unbelievable! The nerve! Keep on filling us in on how you feel and how Carleigh's baby sibling is doing! God Bless you Holly!

Jen said...

first I love the box with the purple paper, a very cute idea.. and the gifts of course.. how sweet to have such caring friends.. I love it..

and second.. what in the world are people thinking? why do people feel the need to share ignorance.. I think you say it best about living in the heavenly realm.. Carleigh IS the big sister now and she will be with the baby (and you) every step of the way, not in a physical sense obviously..I am so sorry people are such jerks.Hugs Holly!!

Just Breathe said...

I'm glad you addressed the anonymous comment. What you said needed to be said and I pray that they saw it!

The gifts you received are so beautiful and thoughtful. ((HUGS))

Yaya said...

(((hugs)))
I took the anonymous option off of my comments. It brought nothing but negativity. :(

Shannon said...

Just keep in mind that people who leave such comments are more than likely hurting very deeply in their own life, and to see someone happy and overcoming their own hurt makes them hurt even more and since misery loves company, they feel the need to try to bring misery.

Our Glory Babies will always be our child. Always be a part of our family, no matter what their earthly life status is.

Jus and Kat said...

Holly,

I think your sentiments to the anonymous commenter were right on! I can't believe that people have the nerve to say such things!

Hugs,
Kat @ In Dylan's Memory

Franchesca Cox said...

You're like the second person that has been attacked by such a cruel person. I can't remember who but someone in this BLM community recently addressed an anonymous commenter who was also heartless. Shame on them! I am so angry for you and I feel sorry for them too. What a waste of a life to torment a grieving mother!!!!!!!!

Carleigh IS a big sister! And loved by so many!!!

Oh, and beautiful beautiful gifts! Katy is so talented :)

Megan said...

Katy is talented! WOW! And oh my goodness who would say such awful things. You handled it well.

withoutmypunkin said...

wow... thats all I will say

Carleigh is a big sister and will always be apart of your family!!

Love the gifts and keep your head high!

Nicolle

Heather said...

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that comment. What's with these anonymous commenters lately? None have found my blog, but yours is not the first place I have heard of getting a nasty comment.

croleyc69 said...

What wonderful gifts and so nice of them. Carleigh is a big sister even though she isn't here. I think you addressed it well. I'm so sorry that some people have to be so rude and hurtful. If they had to walk in your shoes everyday and feel the empty part. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't wish it on anyone but it is so sick to be so rude.
Praying for you & your family always.
{{HUGS}}
Caroline

Karen said...

Holly,
Wow! All I can say is WOW!

It is hard to believe that people want to come and say such insensitive and nasty things!

I love the way you handled it, you show so much class! I guess all we can do is pray for them!

Blessings,
Karen

Kari @ p.s. love.love. said...

I am floored that someone would even leave a comment like that. Why do people have to feel the need to tell people what's on their minds when it's rude, heartless and hurtful. I feel sorry for these people - but thankfully you have 100 times more better friends with your blog and don't need people like that! I'm glad you addressed it!
ps...the names are always beautiful!

The Blue Sparrow said...

Oh my! I cannot believe anyone would even say those things! It sickens me and I whole heartedly agree with every single word you posted here. I will also be praying that God will work some compassion into this persons life. I just dont understand why some people have to be so cruel. Carleigh would be so proud of you for standing up for her big/lil sister status and enforcing her role in your family. Gone is most definatley not forgotten. *HUGS*

Heather's House said...

Very well said! Comments like that are exactly why they need to use "Anonymous". They are so far out in left field and don't have a clue and they know it. They are too embarrassed to use their own identity.

Susan said...

Hi Holly. I can't really say anything that hasn't been said by the other 32 ladies who have left comments. I am sorry that you had to read such a horrible thing on Carleigh's blog. People can be such asses. They say that it takes all kinds to make the world go round, and all of us in this club know that the people who haven't been in our shoes just don't get it. But that does not excuse assinine behavior. Hugs...

Lea said...

Beautiful gifts in Carleigh's honour, Holly!

And very well said to anon. Disgusting.

xo

The McDaniel 3 said...

I love the gift you received. So pretty! As for the anonymous commenter....WHAT NERVE!!!!! If that person doesn't or is unable to show compassion to a mother with such loss, WHY DO THEY EVEN READ YOUR BLOG?!?!? You said everything so well, Carleigh is a great little sister watching over Kyndra and will be a great sister to her brother/sister you are carrying. Stay strong mama, although, you don't need me to say that because you ARE STRONG!!!!

Jodi Lansink said...

I had an anonymous comment on my blog saying that same thing---asking how I wasn't going to view this baby as a replacement for Jillian------some people just don't get it. I said my peace on my blog as well, and then shrugged it off, some people are ignorant-----you have a lot to be happy for right now-----don't let one comment get you down! And YES---Carleigh WILL be a big sister!!!!

Kat said...

Oh, what a beautiful, touching way to remember your daughter. Further you now have a way to introduce your new little baby to their big sister that they, unfortunately, will never meet on earth. I truly believe that children that come into this world for only a brief moment were simply angels that came to touch our lives but weren't ready to stay. This is a beautiful blog. I feel very honored I came across it. Thank you for visiting my page as well.

Kristy said...

I wonder if your troll was the same one who said some nasty things on my blog. Whoever this person is has no heart. They are miserable in their own life and feel the need to hurt others to make themselves feel better. I feel sorry for people like her. I'm sorry you had to endure such nastiness. You don't have to give any explanations to any of us. We all know what this journey is like. Many many *hugs*

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry that anonymous sent those hateful words to you. They obviously have no compassion, and like you, I hope they find the Lord and change their ways.You only have to look at the list of beautiful mementos that other people sent you to know that Carleigh is loved, she is a vital part of many people's lives, and she has not been forgotten. There are so many good people in the world and anonymous needs to just leave grieving parents alone. Yes, Carleigh will be a big sister and she will always have a place in your family.
Blessings, Sarita
sboyette@tx.rr.com

Akul's mama said...

Every child is special and you are right - each child has a special place all his or her own. Some comments need no response - the one you got is a great example. Why even bother to reply? Hugssss.

PJ Pumphrey said...

Wow!! I can't believe the nerve of some people!! Thing like this make me so angry!! They just want attention, but that is NO way to get it!!!

anyways I LOVE the gifts!! especially the box with Carleigh's name on it, and the gift inside of it!! SOOOOO beautiful!!

PJ

Mary said...

I am normally a hold back just let it go person. But I am so glad that Anon did not post this on my blog because I may have had a few choice words for them that would have been so nice. Your poise in this situation is admirable. I hate that ontop of everything Anon posted such a comment. If they have "nerve" (not really the word I am looking for) to say such things then they should have "nerve" to admit to who they are. And I will just stop there before I say something else.

Michal Ann said...

Holly, when it was shown to be elaborate lies, a notorious story unraveled last summer, "Baby April Rose." The author, Rebeccah Rose Beushausen was thoroughly exposed. However, before and since that time, she has been proven to be the author of many cruel comments made under various aliases to families of baby loss, disability and adoption.

Please see this very Godly site by Lorri Steer

http://www.tellthechurch.blogspot.com/

Lorri's profile and credentials, including ties to McMama and Angie Smith, are detailed. Her extensive and impeccably researched material will help you more fully understand what Beccah has done in the past and may well be continuing to do.

It was my first thought that your cruel anonymous commenter could be this wicked young woman. It's highly doubtful that her years long "career" as a scammer and a liar ended when "Baby April Rose," her disabled unborn baby was revealed to be a plastic doll. She could very well be continuing her obsession to wound other grieving families. No, she's not "sick" per se, she's calculating and sadistic.

Your response was gracious and appropriate but I wanted to weigh in with my suspicions that this "troll" could very well be the author of horrid comments that are staining your blog and those of other hurting families. One cannot counsel such a person to help them understand the errors of their ways. They are willfully cruel.

In Christ, Michal

(no blog, immichal AT yahoo)

Be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.

Ps. 31:24

Cecilia said...

I love the plaque and all the ways Carleigh is being remembered! I'm sorry you had to go through the pain of such untrue words, but you handled them beautifully. Carleigh will always be a big sister, and there isn't anything someone else can say to change that. Keep your chin up!

Jarka said...

I´m so sorry to hear that you had to deal with "anonymous"...

but I really want to thank you for writing this, because when you said "I don't measure my life or my family's by earthly standards but by an eternal one." I just had to smile, because this is so TRUE - we all should measure our lifes this way. I want to cry and laugh at the same time, because it´s so beautiful and true and oh my...thanks for writing this.
We all need a little reminder from time to time, to remember what this life is all about...

thank you :)

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Thank you for showing us those beautiful gifts...I feel as if this post shows those who use their lives and mouths to bless others and those who curse others with their lack of compassion and complete ignorance. I am so sorry that someone was so ugly and hurtful to you, dear friend. I cannot imagine what goes on in someone's heart to speak such things.

Love and Prayers for you...

Denise said...

Holly, my mom lost my big brother to SIDS in Jan. of 82 and I was born in Jan. of 83. I NEVER felt like I was a "replacement baby." He has always been and always will be my big brother! My kids all know him as Uncle David. I just don't understand some people!

The Ramirez Family said...

Holly,

You don't know me but I was given your blog by a sweet women who has followed it. My name is Michelle and it has been 4 weeks today since I lost my sweet angel boy. I want to say you are an inspiration to me and I am saddened to have to meet you this way, but I am also blessed that I can find inspiring people to help me through the healing process. I was saddened to read the comment that was left by that heartless person. I have already had a couple of people ask me if we were going to try again soon and if I was worried that it would be a replacement baby. My answer to them was that I love this baby with all my heart and that I have enough room to love another just the same. I will never forget the joy this little guy brought to our lives. Even if it was short lived, but I know that I am ment to have other children bring that same joy also. You are such a strong women and I hope to be able to be as strong as you are.

Khanh said...

Dear Holly,
First of all, I must have missed the post you announce your pregnancy. CONGRATULATION!!! I am so happy for you.
Secondly, whoever posted that awful comment doesn't have heart nor understand the family bond. I am also 11 weeks pregnant and every time I go visit my daughter's site, I asked my daughter to pray for her sister/brother. It's doesn't matter where she is, her soul still lives. And I believe she can give me the best prayers since her soul is much purer than mine.
Best,

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

wow.

Once A Mother said...

wow! i am a) in awe of your grace at this moment because "anonymous" doesn't deserve it and b) so angry i could scream. how dare someone discount carleigh's role in your family, in your life, or in your heart. I am so proud of you for your response. I too feel very sorry for this person, and even more sorry for their children (if they have any) because god forbid something happens to them, mommy won't consider them a part of the family any more. wow. wow. wow. i am just so grateful that you deleted the comment before her hurtful message was able to be spread. and to call the new baby a replacement baby, that just sickens me. i am so sorry holly. you don't deserve this. And as far as Carleigh not being a sister in your family, i am sure kyndra, who loves her so much, would beg to differ. wow!

Shannon said...

Holly-
I've been on a "Blog vacation" for a few months.
First of all, congratulations :).

Secondly.. I don't know what to say. One of the things that makes this type of journey so much more difficult is when people THINK they know what you are going through or that they can understand what you are doing/thinking/etc and say stuff like that.
It amazes me what some poel will say... sometimes they just say the wrong things when they think they are helping. That happens.. but to comment something like this??? What purpose does it serve? It does nothing but shows ignorance of the person who said it. I am glad you think the way you do. Comments like that can be devastating if they catch you at the right mood/time.
Again.. wow... I have been told before that when we do have another baby it will make it all ok and better. At least that type of comment was make in "innocent ignorance", if that makes sense.
I don't understand why anyone would want to say that. It is just a mean spirited type of comment that does no good.. for anyone.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on the expectancy of a new little one. What a way to handle 'the comment'. I know that it must have been so upsetting to see that on there. I pray that your focus, your mission, and your peace will not be thwarted (sp?) by some cowardly comments. You know it makes satan uncomfortable when God is using someone to touch other's lives, as you clearly are doing. God's blessings to you Holly. And to your little one on the way.

This is actually Kristie from http://threadsofhopeonline.blogspot.com/ but I thought you needed a better 'anonymous' comment... :O)

Rebekah said...

I don't even have words. How could someone even think those things let alone feel the need to share them with those of us who are grieving?

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