The day after handing her over

We were able to dress Carleigh in her burial outfit the day after handing her over to the funeral home. I was able to get through the night knowing I would be able to see my little girl again the next day. Sure, it was only her body but it was all I had. I was never able to meet her soul outside of my belly.

Anthony and I arrived and took her out of her casket and just spent time with her before dressing her. Her color was lighter than when we saw her last as they had embalmed her. Her face was still darker than the rest of her but I expected that. She felt heavier too and she looked swollen. She looked different but it was still her. I kept a tissue close because when I moved her around a lot embalming fluid would come out of her nose. I just pretended she had a little runny nose.

Anthony's dad and brother arrived a little later than us at the funeral home. Anthony's dad took pictures (his are the better quality ones) and his brother took video. I have to say I enjoyed dressing her. It was only my third time to dress her in something and it would be my last. I had my share of tears and I didn't want to leave her.

Here are some photos of that day of us holding Carleigh and me dressing her. They tell the story.

Preparing to leave

I wasn't looking forward to the day we had to leave the hospital because I knew what that meant.....I would have to give up my baby girl. Sure, it was only her body, as she was really in Heaven with Jesus, but it was all I had of her.

The pictures I am sharing of that day-March 29, 2009-go in sequence and show me undressing Carleigh out of her hospital outfit and into her outfit that I was taking her to the funeral home in. I did this all very slowly to savor my last moments with her. Maybe I was prolonging the inevitable, but it's so very hard to let go. My last few pictures show me holding her in my arms and breaking down-reality setting in. I didn't really cry after she was born and during our short stay in the hospital. I was just so glad to have her near me and to be able to hold her, kiss her, love her. But leaving and knowing that soon-very soon-I would forever be without my baby girl on this earth......it felt like my heart was crushing in on itself.