Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. We just wish it would've been later. I guess I kinda always knew that Anthony's grandpa would be our first but I still hoped it wouldn't have been now. His grandpa passed away last Friday morning. We knew it was coming but it's always hard to take. He fought long and hard and gave us many more months than what the doctors gave him. He's always been like that. We both think that he was just ready to go and we are glad that he's not suffering anymore but we'll miss him so much.
I wasn't prepared for the emotions that I felt on Friday. I was sad, but I also felt jealous and angry. I felt it wasn't fair that he got to be with Carleigh and that I didn't. It upset me a lot and it surprised me. I cried about it and I ranted about it to God. I just didn't know what to do with it. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to leave this quite yet because I still want to be here, but just the thought of people other than me getting to be with her just rubbed me the wrong way. I guess it's just a tug of war when your heart is in Heaven too.
After Friday, I felt much better about the situation. I knew that it was a good thing that he was up there with her. He never got to meet her here on this earth because he wasn't in good enough condition for the drive so I'm sure he was really happy to meet her (and Jordan) in Heaven.
Sunday afternoon there was a private family viewing and then the funeral service was on Monday evening. I was actually ok for the most part during both of these. I had my moments of tears like anyone would in such a situation and so did Anthony. I guess for Anthony and me there can't be a worse funeral than one for our own child. And perhaps it would've been harder had it been the same funeral home as Carleigh's because I'm sure there would've been a lot of memories there.
So...we've made it through another first and we're still standing. On to the next I guess.
Posts
