Here I am past 3 years since Carleigh was born. I won’t lie, it has gotten easier. Sad days and moments do not happen as often as they once did. Thoughts of loss and life without her don’t consume my thoughts anymore, but I do still think of her every single day. Perhaps the sadness isn’t profound because of just how busy life is for us these days. I’ve had one rainbow baby already plus I am pregnant and due any day now with our second rainbow baby. Not to forget Carleigh’s big sisters who add to the bunch. These kids keep us on our toes!
I don’t often get time by myself and most of the time when I do it is when I am driving so that is when I think of her most. It’s not hard to find a song either that somehow reminds me of her and our journey.
Trips to the cemetery are a rare occasion now. I still enjoy visiting but time is more limited now. I do make it a point though to go each season and change her flowers. Do I feel guilty for not visiting as much? No, I don’t. I’m in a better place and I don’t feel I have to do as much for her as I once did. It still makes me feel good though when others remember her even though that is not as important as it once was too.
I still miss her a lot. I’m still on this roller coaster and even though my wounds have turned to scars they can still ache. I don’t have expectations of where I should be. I just live each day as it comes and do the best that I can.