Wednesday, May 25, 2011

A house by the cemetery

It seems nowadays that my visits to the cemetery get farther and farther apart from each other. That first year I used to visit every week and now it seems I can get there maybe once a month. It’s not that I don’t want to visit but lately the weather has been quite rainy and life is always so busy. It’s times like this that I wished I lived closer to the cemetery than the 30 minutes it takes to get there currently.

We ended up going to the cemetery on Sunday since it was such a nice day (a gentlemen was there putting more dirt on the graves, including hers). I got called into work so I had to meet Anthony there. The way I drove took me by a house. It’s a house that has sat empty since it’s been built, which has been years now. It’s a 4 bedroom home and it’s nice inside from the pictures I’ve seen of it online. The outside is very nice too. I assume that no one has bought this house because it is terribly overpriced. Or maybe they don’t like a cemetery being a hop, skip, and a jump away. I, on the other hand, wish I could live in this house to be closer to the cemetery. Who does that? Who wants to live beside a cemetery? Oh yeah, the parents of a dead baby. Me.

Whenever I pass by this house I dream of one day in the future buying it and taking walks to the cemetery. We could pack a picnic basket and go down there and eat with her. I can see the girls picking flowers to go take to her. I imagine alone time on a blanket right over her grave. I can even picture us loading up on the lawn mower and having Anthony ride us there. That makes me laugh just thinking about it.

We know eventually in a few years that we want to move. We want to move on the other side of the county and be closer to the cemetery. Really, I should say I want to move to be closer to the cemetery. I’m not sure what hubby wants but he seems fine with the plan I have made for us. Every time I go online and look through houses I look at it. Now we may very well never get this house because there is a better one out there or it could be sitting empty just waiting for us. I guess God’s will and time will tell, but every time I see it I think, “Wouldn’t it be nice to be so close to her…”

Some people dream of a house with a white picket fence. I dream of a house by the cemetery.

22 comments:

{:miss v:} said...

You're so cute Holly. Just saying it like "wanting to live by a cemetery" sounds funny but what it means to you is very understandable and very honest.

That would be so neat if you one day did live there. ;)

Caroline said...

I love that idea. I can relate to that. The`cemetary where my Father is was only 3 miles from My Mom's. I used to go there everyday , it seemed liked or if I was just wanting to tell him something special that was going on I could just go there real quick. I loved it and really was unhappy when it took me a half hr. I remember telling Mom I wish I was the amish neighbors that lived next door.
I hope it works out someday.

Radiant Readhead said...

this is actually a beautiful entry!! i know exactly how you feel! the cemetery is 30 mins away, and i rarely get down there!! i think about how i never want to move anywhere but closer to rosalynn if we move, and not a min further away than we already are! HUGS!!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I hope God has that plan in line for your someday. Cemeteries have never scared me, I love walking around them. It would be perfect for you.

Celia said...

I think that is perfectly reasonable and understandable. You can bet that if Noah were buried in a cemetery that I would feel the same way. As it is, we have a cemetery that is only a mile from our house. We did consider burying Noah there but it fit our plans better to have him cremated so that he can be buried with me later. But I often have considered visiting the cemetery with Noah's urn, even though Noah isn't buried there, just so I can have a quiet place to visit with him.

tomandcheryl said...

I love that you love a house that no one else seems to appreciate.
I know how hard and further between those visits to the cemetery get and I am so sorry life gets in the way of your visits. You should be able to spend every moment you want with your little girl.
~Cheryl

Sarah said...

I love this idea! I haven't really thought about how lucky I am to live minutes from the cemetery where Emma and Connor are. I hope the house doesn't sell and the price drops down for you until the price and the timing is just right....

Deanna said...

oh, this relates to my thinking so much! we live about a mile from the cemetery, and I love being so close :) hubby & I have talked about this a few times, that anyone else would find it odd we have joy in close cemetery proximity. glad I'm not alone!

Lindsay said...

It's interesting how our perspective changes isn't it? That was on our list of "musts" when we were on our house hunt. We wanted to move to the other side of our county to be near the memorial park we chose for Ayden. We would find houses we liked, but it always came back to, "But it's so far from Ayden's spot." We ended up finding a house not even 2 miles away. I can get there in less than 5 minutes, and I can go whenever I want. I definitely understand why it's so important to you!

Veronika said...

What a beautiful post! This idea sounds perfect for you and the family :)

Mary said...

Je préfère regarder le ciel pour être pret de ceux qui manquent à mon coeur... mais j'espère qu'un jour vous arriverez à vous rapprocher de ce lieu.

TanaLee Davis said...

Your post today made me laugh and cry at the same time Holly.
I bet that house is something of your dreams for real. I hope you one day can live in it. hugs-
Felicia

Stacy said...

I dream of the same thing... the 25 minutes to Rachel seems so far. Heaven seems further. I have thought many times about moving to that area. It's a nice area and the cemtery is so nice that all the local people use it for a place to walk. It's on court st two towns away - we live on court st in our town...I sometimes think we moved to the wrong one. My house here has a white picket fence and I would trade it in a heartbeat to be next to Rachel's cemetery. It makes perfect sense to me!

Stephanie said...

I had Vayden cremated but had he been burried I think I would dream if the same thing.

Stephanie Stewart

Amanda said...

I agree completely. I am about an hour from the cemetery where Aubree is buried, and I haven't been there since her birthday in February..it is driving me crazy, but the weather has been so awful that I haven't been able to get there. We have been really busy too, but I feel like those are such poor excuses. My husband reminds me all of the time that she isn't there..it is just her body. I know that, but as her mother I want to go spend time with her in that place we chose for her. I would love to live closer too so I could do all of those things you mentioned too..

Stephanie said...

Been outta the loop for a while, and wanted to stop by and let you know I was thinking of you.

Kara said...

Hmmmmm - such a sweet picture. Of course only another babyloss momma could really understand. I see cemeteries so differently now too.

elena said...

Well said and I can relate. I haven't visited Lilly as much as I should and she is barely 15 minutes away. I feel I take that for granted. I also agree with you I would want a house that close for the reasons you so eloquently stated.

Jennifer Ross said...

I loved this post Holly. I have thought about the same thing throughout this last year. When I was a little girl, and even up through my teen years, I would do that silly "holding my breath" past the cemetery. lol How stupid!!!

I don't fear the cemetery like I used too..... it's a little too "close to home" now......

Thankfully, I can get to Isaiah in about two minutes. That makes me happy. :)

Team Carter Jay said...

I love the idea!

It was so nice to "meet" you today, and I hope that we can chat again soon! <3

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

I love you. Loved this post. Love your heart. And, I love that you dream of a house by the cemetery. Praying that God would give you the desires of your heart, my beautiful friend.

I rarely go to the cemetary, as you know. But, I went today. As we prepare to honor those who serve our country this Memorial Day, I didn't want Faith, Grace, and Thomas' grave to be neglected. Not this year. So, their spot is now adorned in red, white, and blue. I have to say that watching you embrace visiting the cemetery has made me look at it a bit differently...although it's still a challenge for me sometimes. I even stopped at my mother's grave and left a red, white, and blue ribbon. Big steps for me. =)

Love you, Holly-girl. Looking forward to seeing your smiling face next week!

Amy von Oven said...

I love this....I sometimes feel like I miss out on this part because I had Bethany cremated...but she is here always with me in a small vase. But it seems so small.....I believe God knows your heart and will lead you right where you need to be :)

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