Today I had someone at work ask me the dreaded question of how many children I had. When she asked it I just let out this big exasperated sigh. It's such a loaded question and I hate having to answer it sometimes and on this day I just didn't want to have to answer it. But I did and I left her out.
WHAT!? I left her out!? How could I do that!?
I admit I wasn't really thinking and after I left her out I immediately regretted it and just felt guilty. But is it so bad not wanting to get into it all? I know it's ok and she isn't upset about it but this was the first time I have ever left her out. Almost everyone in my department knows what happened because they were there through it all so I guess I just didn't feel like explaining it to someone who prolly wasn't gonna be around much longer.
Why must this question always leave me at a loss for words? I know what my heart wants to say but sometimes it can be so hard to speak the words.
Almost 2 years ago my daughter was born and almost a week later my milk came in. It was right before her visitations and service. I pumped and stored my milk for 3 weeks hoping to give it to someone who needed it and would use it. I ended up giving it to my cousin who had her baby around 2 months later. I was happy that she would be able to use it for her baby.
I had assumed all this time that she had given it to her baby. I found out today that after I gave it to her she threw the breast milk away. She may have used a little bit of it but SHE THREW IT AWAY!!! I am so upset over this. This really hurts me that she did this. If she didn't want the milk all she had to do was tell me and I would've donated it to a milk bank or gave it to someone else who wanted it. This was the milk my body made that was supposed to nourish my daughter but instead it was thrown in the trash. It makes me sick.
It feels like she has disrespected me and even worse, my daughter. I don't plan on bringing this up to her because I don't want to end up hurting her feelings despite that she has hurt mine. And normally I wouldn't post things like this that she could very well end up reading but I figure if she finds out I know this way I don't really care. I just needed to vent about it and this is my space to do so.
On a happier note, I remembered I never shared the lovely heart pin that Kristin sent me for Carleigh. It's such a lovely pin and it makes me happy that she thought of us. Thanks Kristin! The heart kinda reminds me of what my heart is like now-a joyful and mournful heart in one.
6 days ago