Tuesday, March 08, 2011

20 days to go.....

.....until her 2nd birthday.

Right now I am in the midst of planning what to do. I've decided to have a little get together at our house on the 26th, which is a Saturday. This will be the day when family and friends can gather with us to remember her and celebrate her life. We'll have food and cake at our house and then go release balloons at the cemetery. I hope I'm not setting myself up for too big a disappointment like last year. But like my hubby said then, this isn't about them. It's about her. But still.....we all know how it feels when people choose to not acknowledge or take the time to remember our babies. I am glad to know that people who say they won't be able to be there on that day are gonna remember her in some way. I appreciate that.

After reading my friend Trisha's post about her son Nathan's 3rd birthday, I've decided I'd like to do something a little different than I had planned for Carleigh's actual birthday on the 28th. I have the day off of work and was just gonna spend the day at home with the girls and then make an angel food cake for later that evening when Anthony got home from work and then visit the cemetery later. But now I am thinking that it would be great for Anthony to take the day off of work and to go do something as a family. But I still wanna make the angel food cake because that's just yummy goodness. Of course, I gotta run this by Anthony but I hope that he'll agree to it.

I have decided what Carleigh's cake is going to be like for on the 26th and it is gonna be amazing! I can't wait to see what it's gonna look like in person.

So far this year has been better emotionally leading up to her birthday but there's still plenty of time for that to change. Maybe the reason for this is I have less time to just sit and dwell on it all with 2 little girls to look after. They keep me pretty busy! Usually my toughest moments are in the car driving and a song comes on that just gets the emotions stirring. I'm glad for those moments though and the release that it brings. Sometimes it's nice to just let it out.

It's hard for me to believe that she'd be almost 2 years old. Her absence is still felt. Many times I see my girls together and I think about the little girl that is missing from the picture. I wonder what exactly she would look like and how her personality would be. Would she be a mommy's girl too or would she dote on daddy? I do believe I get glimpses of her through her sisters but it's still hard to imagine. God, if You could would You send me a dream and let me know a little more about her? That would be a wonderful birthday present.

19 comments:

Trisha Larson said...

I'm sure that whatever you do will be perfect. Just perfect!

Hugs,
Trisha

New Year Mum said...

Your plans sound so beautiful... such a lovely way to remember her :) She has a very special mother and family thinking of her xoxo

Jennifer Ross said...

Now you have me in tears. I pray that God gives you that perfect dream, and many more through the years...

((hugs))

Chrissy said...

I think your plans sound perfect! I will be thinking of you all day and I will light a candle for Carleigh.
Love and hugs,
Chrissy

Sarita Boyette said...

Carleigh's birthday will be amazing, I know! As time goes on, it does get a bit easier, but it's still hard to know you have a child in Heaven that you wish were with you. (Not to say Heaven isn't wonderful...) I have asked God for dreams of Meredith before, but all I have had are of the cemetery. And I never can see her face. Hope you do have dreams of Carleigh.
I hope people don't let you down again. xoxo

Caroline said...

I'm sure it will be amazing whatever you do. We will be thinking of her especially that weekend. Praying for that dream & sending all our love.
{{HUGS}}

Betty said...

Those dreams are great. I had a few about Vanessa, but they've stopped.

I think your day's for Carleigh sound wonderful! As long as someone some where is remembering her that's all that matters. At least you have people willing to show up. Lando doesnt even really seem to think of Nessa much anymore. There are days where I feel rather alone in all this. People just dont understand how that hole is always there...Sending hugs your way, and will at the very least be lighting a candle for Carleigh.

tomandcheryl said...

Everything for Carleigh's birthday weekend sound perfect and beautiful! I wanted to try to come up to remember with you but for 2 reasons, I am not going to. One is that is not how I want to meet you for the first time. But 2 is that it's the start of Daniela's spring break and our plans are still in the air.
I'll introduce Daniela to Carleigh that day though! If it's okay with you.
~Cheryl

Clorise said...

I want to tell you this you area strong woman and I admire you . I think anything you do for her she will love and I beleive that she is watching over you and your family. I also beleive that from time to time you will feel her as though she is with you and you will see her in your dreams and in your thoughts .I am sorry for your loss I know those word offer no real comfort. I will be praying that god sends you peace and that you will get dreams ever so often of what your daughter is like in heaven and such . I want you to know that you are an inspiration to me . I don't think I would be able to go on without my child you are so full of courage

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I think it would be wonderful if you go somewhere as a family.
Praying for your dream to happen, for God to show you Carleigh.

Melissa said...

I can't wait to see that cake!
I hope you get your dream. :)

MommyIvy said...

I plan on letting a balloon go or lighting a candle. I wish I could be there!

AKD said...

I so understand this. I'm sending you so much love, Holly - and will be celebrating and mourning with you.

.Katie. said...

Even though I've seen posts with Carleigh's birthday before, it hadn't clicked that her birthday was so close to my Carli's (26th). I love your plans- it sounds like her birthday will be beautiful! I'm still trying to come up with something to do for my angel's first birthday. It's going to be so hard. I'll be thinking of you on Carleigh's birthday. I hope it's as special as it sounds! <3

Hannah Rose said...

I can hardly believe Carleigh's 2nd birthday is coming up! I feel like it was just her 1st. Now Lily's 1st birthday is almost here, in less than a week. ugh I'm dreading it. My mind is so all over the place this month, I still haven't decided anything to do for it yet!

Amy von Oven said...

I am right there with you, but you seem more prepared than me. I feel so stuck right now with what to do for Bethanys 2nd birthday. May 3rd is right around the corner, and I just can't believe it has been 2 years. In fact I thougt I was not feeling really anything until RIGHT NOW, and now I am crying like crazy! Funny how these emotions sneak up on you... :(
Im so happy for you that things are in place for you, it sounds like it will be great!

Sarah said...

It is so hard to know what to do! I agree with the emotions seeming fine and then hitting you from nowhere. Thanks for the Angel food cake idea...now I know what I will serve on Sunday for Emma's Birthday!

The Blue Sparrow said...

I'll be thinking of you and I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers as you celebrate Carleigh's 2nd Heavenly birthday! Whatever you end up doing will be perfect! (((HUGS)))

elena said...

Those are my toughest moments too, in the car when a song comes on.

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