20 days to go.....

.....until her 2nd birthday.

Right now I am in the midst of planning what to do. I've decided to have a little get together at our house on the 26th, which is a Saturday. This will be the day when family and friends can gather with us to remember her and celebrate her life. We'll have food and cake at our house and then go release balloons at the cemetery. I hope I'm not setting myself up for too big a disappointment like last year. But like my hubby said then, this isn't about them. It's about her. But still.....we all know how it feels when people choose to not acknowledge or take the time to remember our babies. I am glad to know that people who say they won't be able to be there on that day are gonna remember her in some way. I appreciate that.

After reading my friend Trisha's post about her son Nathan's 3rd birthday, I've decided I'd like to do something a little different than I had planned for Carleigh's actual birthday on the 28th. I have the day off of work and was just gonna spend the day at home with the girls and then make an angel food cake for later that evening when Anthony got home from work and then visit the cemetery later. But now I am thinking that it would be great for Anthony to take the day off of work and to go do something as a family. But I still wanna make the angel food cake because that's just yummy goodness. Of course, I gotta run this by Anthony but I hope that he'll agree to it.

I have decided what Carleigh's cake is going to be like for on the 26th and it is gonna be amazing! I can't wait to see what it's gonna look like in person.

So far this year has been better emotionally leading up to her birthday but there's still plenty of time for that to change. Maybe the reason for this is I have less time to just sit and dwell on it all with 2 little girls to look after. They keep me pretty busy! Usually my toughest moments are in the car driving and a song comes on that just gets the emotions stirring. I'm glad for those moments though and the release that it brings. Sometimes it's nice to just let it out.

It's hard for me to believe that she'd be almost 2 years old. Her absence is still felt. Many times I see my girls together and I think about the little girl that is missing from the picture. I wonder what exactly she would look like and how her personality would be. Would she be a mommy's girl too or would she dote on daddy? I do believe I get glimpses of her through her sisters but it's still hard to imagine. God, if You could would You send me a dream and let me know a little more about her? That would be a wonderful birthday present.