Remembering at Christmas

Walking With You was created by Kelly of Sufficient Grace Ministries to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. To join in on Walking With You please visit Kelly's blog.

If you are missing someone you love this Christmas, someone of ANY age who is spending Christmas with Jesus this year, join us on this very special Walking With You. We are sharing our Christmas memories and the ways that we remember our loved ones who have gone home to Heaven at Christmas time.

Last Christmas is one I will always remember. We received Carleigh's fatal diagnosis on December 15 and then left for Hawaii on December 19, a trip that we had been planning for 3 years. The days before we left were tough and I cried a lot, but I resolved to make the most out of our trip and enjoy it. And that's what I did. We were able to spend a wonderful week in paradise with our daughter. I came back from the trip feeling renewed and ready to face the road that was ahead of us.

This Christmas is our first without her. I'm not sure what to expect or how I will react emotionally. Right now I am doing really well. Christmas is my favorite time of the year and, like previous years, I am looking forward to it. We've got our decorations up and plan to put some lights up outside too.

The one thing I haven't done inside yet is put up our small Christmas tree to put ornaments on for our children in Heaven. Right now I have one ornament each for Jordan and Carleigh. Jordan's ornament (on the right below) is a little angel we picked out from their angel tree on our 1st visit to the National Memorial for the Unborn in October 2008. We first hung it on our tree last Christmas.

Carleigh's ornament (on the left above) is one that was given to me by my coworker, Sharon, this year for Carleigh. It is a Hallmark ornament that I can put a picture of her in. On the front of the ornament it says 'Remembered with love' and on the back it says 'The true testament of a life well-lived is the love we leave behind.' I love that it has stars all over it because stars remind me of my own little shining star, my Carleigh.

Kristin @ Once A Mother had a giveaway for a very cute baby angel ornament. I didn't win the giveaway but Kristin was able to get the contact info for the lady who makes them and I have ordered 2 of them-a pink one for Carleigh and a red one for Jordan.

On our main Christmas tree there hangs a little bare butt angel. This ornament is one that has been in our family. My mom gave me sister and me each one when we married to hang on our trees. It reminds me of my own little angels and it is an ornament that will stay on the main tree instead of going on the small angel tree.

I would like to get some Christmas decorations to take out to Carleigh's grave to replace her fall flowers and pumpkin. I hope that I can find some that I like. The plan is to do that this weekend.

Every Christmas since Anthony and I have been married I write a Christmas letter and send it out to our family and friends, along with a picture of our family. I haven't started our letter yet but I plan to do that soon. As for the picture, this year there is no family picture. We are not doing one. Instead, I am sending out a postcard of Carleigh created by Birni @ All The Little Ponies. She did such a great job and I can't wait to send it out to everyone. Now all of our loved ones will be able to have something special to remember Carleigh.

This Christmas season we will be donating to several causes for our babies. For Carleigh, we will be making a contribution to the Neural Tube Defect Research Fund at Duke. We participated in Duke's study on anencephaly and other NTDs. We still get letters in the mail from people who have sent in contributions in memory of Carleigh. That means so much! For Jordan, we will be making a donation to our local women's center. This center is where I received my counseling and their annual banquet is where I gave my testimony and read my poem. The center has a very special place in my heart. In honor of both of our children, we will be making donations to Sufficient Grace Ministries and The Greatest Blessing.

I really wish that we could be in Hawaii again this year for Christmas. It would mean a lot to be in the same place we celebrated Christmas when Carleigh was still alive, to walk on the same beaches and visit the same places. No matter where I am I will remember my babies fondly and thank God for each of them and for the baby that was born in a manger so many years ago.