Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Day After

Well, today is the day after.....I did not sleep well last night. I kept thinking about Carleigh. We've got to make decisions about her birth. We've got to plan her funeral. We shouldn't have to think about things like this.

My mom came down around noon today. My dad drove her down here. He stayed and visited for a little bit and then took Coalee and went back home. He took Coalee to board him at Boutwell's while we're on our trip.

I got a package in the mail today. It is the prefolds (cloth diapers) I ordered for Kyndra and Carleigh. This completed all the diapers I would need for Carleigh and now I won't be able to use a single one.

I got a call from Dr. F's office today regarding my referral to a specialist. I have an appt tomorrow afternoon w/ a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist in the Dayton area. I will be having a level 2 US, meeting w/ the specialist, and possibly seeing the genetics counselor too. I am hoping that everyone is nice, caring, and understanding. I don't want to be questioned about my decision to continue to carry Carleigh. I don't want to be told that termination would be better. I have no problem walking out if they don't support our decision. The office said they were faxing over all of my records so I'm hoping they realize that we are serious in our decision.

I bought 2 books today off of Amazon. One is
"We Were Gonna Have a Baby, But We Had an Angel Instead" and it is a children's book. The other is "Waiting With Gabriel: A Story of Cherishing a Baby's Brief Life" and it is a book that I have been wanting to read for a long time now, even before this happened to us. It just seems more important to read now.

I don't want to do this. I don't want my baby to die. I feel though that Carleigh was meant for me. God knew he was sending her to a mommy that would take good care of her and love her no matter what. I do believe too that God has been preparing me for this and I am glad. Please continue to pray for us and for Carleigh. I know God can work a miracle and as much as I hope for that I will accept whatever He chooses for us.

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