Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Me lately

Things have been going pretty good lately. Life has been as busy as always plus I've been tired lately, which could be a combination of me staying up later than I should and my pregnancy. I was able to get in a good nap yesterday but today I didn't as I kept getting phone calls from my hubby (thanks a lot!). I want to let everyone know that I will not be sharing pregnancy updates on this blog unless it applies to my journey with Carleigh. All updates will be on my family blog, so if you wanna check up on me you should check there. You know, unless this baby receives a fatal diagnosis too, but I'm not anticipating that.

I finally made it to the cemetery to visit Carleigh on Monday. It's been several weeks since my last visit. The weather was pretty decent that day so I thought I would take advantage. I only stayed for a few minutes but it was nice. Pretty soon I will have to think about what spring arrangement to put in her vase.

I've got several things I am planning right now. One is Carleigh's birthday celebration. I plan on having a party this year where anyone is welcome to come and celebrate with us. The first birthday is always a big one and this is the only year we plan on doing this. For every year after we will just celebrate as a family. I really hope to have a good turnout for her party because it means a lot to me. I will be disappointed if certain people do not come or if we don't have a good turnout. And that isn't meant to guilt anybody but a simple fact. I could go on but I'll stop there. And really, we don't need people there to honor the memory of our daughter because I can do that on my own every day. I just want this year to be everything I picture it to be. Is that too much to ask? (Thank you to those who have said that they would be there! I can't tell you how much that means to me!)

In addition to her birthday celebration I plan on holding some giveaways and I'm excited for this. I've already got a few set in stone (thank you to those who have been generous!!!!) and I'd like to do a few more. I've got some ideas for some more but I'm still deciding.

The other thing that I am planning is our family team for the March for Babies. This year we are going to do the walk in Findlay since the one in my area was combined with a larger one because of economic reasons. So, there really should be no excuse why we shouldn't have a nice sized team this year. People don't have the excuse of driving several hours down now since we will be local. (Thank you to everyone who was on our team last year for supporting us!) And really, I don't think that's a good excuse anyway since Anthony and I have been making the trip for 4 1/2 years. No doubt if the tables were turned we would be there for support. I just hope people want to do the same for us.

Sorry if I seem a little angry or whatever you want to call it (I actually wrote something meaner but went back and lightened it up). I kinda just went into a mood, which is most likely pregnancy hormone induced as I am hardly ever in a mood (I'm usually nice and cheery!) or it could've been caused by my husband because he certainly knows how to annoy me. Maybe it's both. I think this weekend would be a good one to sleep in. Hear that Grandma? (hint hint)

31 comments:

stephanie said...

Holly,

I have looked at your beautiful photos, and Carliegh (sorry if it is mispelled) is beautiful. I too have had prenatal photos done, and plan on having NILMDTS do more after Amelia is born.

I wrote on another site, thinking it was yours, but I am starting to get a bit embarassed, because odds are...it wasn't. Oops.

Trisha Dodge, a friend of mine, wanted to put us into contact with on another as soon as she heard our diagnosis with Amelia, but was not sure...weeks ago...if that was alright with me or not. Then she posted immediately after you posted on my caring bridge website. She was so excited that you found me, since she specifically prayed that I may somehow connect with you. So, God answers prayer, and I am just wanting to let you know that I appreciate your following our story.

Just a side note...I am from Toledo, OH and Steven is from Cincinnati.

Stephanie
sdyer37@gmail.com is the best way to reach me, since I have not blogged or checked my blog in eons.

withoutmypunkin said...

I look forward to hear about what you are going to do for Carleigh's b-day. I too secretly had those expectations, but my husband reminded me that the celebration was for Kasey and for us, not anyone else. I didn't make it known that I had those expectations, but when they didn't show up I burned those bridges, no longer friends. I just had to let it roll off my shoulders... I hope that if they don't come you can let it roll and do what you feel you need to with that relationship. I hope that makes sense and sorry for the rambling.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

I tried to respond on facebook, but there was a problem and my rsvp wouldn't go through. I am not sure if I can physically come to Carleigh's party, because it's our anniversary weekend. But, if I can't, I will be doing a balloon release and sharing on my blog in her memory...as well as sending it to you!

Love to you...(take plenty of naps, mama...) =)

April said...

Holly,

I am sure you will have a nice turnout for Carleigh's birthday, and many of us will be releasing purple balloon for her too :)

I can relate to the heavy mood changes, but you don't have to apologize for the content in the post - you are a passionate mother who wants Carleigh's 1st birthday to be as memorable as possible. Who can argue with that? ;)

Rikki said...

I really wanted the boys first birthday to be special too but i was disapointed with the way it turned out. Nothing was the way i wanted it to be. I really hope that her birthday is as special as she is, and if i could come i defianntly would be there. Xxx

Jill said...

I hope you have a wonderful birthday celebration for Carleigh. You should post lots of pictures afterwards! I will be thinking of all of you.

I also look forward to following your journey of this pregnancy on your family blog.

xxx

Mary said...

Don't apologize for being in a mood! Pregnant or not, we all get in them, and this is YOUR space to tell us what you are feeling. Don't feel like you have to "pretty it up." I understand the longing for things like birthdays to be perfect. It is all we have, so it becomes really important. I am sorry I can't come to OH, I would love to meet you in person, but I hope to do a balloon release here for her in Dallas.
Hope your local family and friends understand how important this is to you and come to show you support.

Elizabeth said...

Glad you're doing ok. I hope Careigh's party turns out just how you want it. *hugs*

Mom Putnam said...

Hint Hint-----Does that mean i better catch up on my sleep now? I cant wait to see my girl, I miss her lots. You can have your moods we all get them, your excuse is better than most. I love you.

Marie W said...

Don't apologize Holly. Even though I won't be able to attend (I live too far :-)), I will be there in spirit.

Veronnica Watson said...

I will definitely be there for Carleigh's birthday party!

I'll be praying for you for all the things you've mentioned and that the Lord would give you some peace and rest over the next few days.

((Hugs))

Kari @ p.s. love.love. said...

You're funny, because even in your 'mean post' you made me laugh at the end! You didn't sound mean at all. If you can't be honest - then what good is it to say anything. People expect everyone to be one emotion all the time and that's not realistic.

I hope you find time for naps. Being pregnant is always good napping time and it's so needed.

I'm excited to see Carleigh's first birthday party. I'm sure it will be very special and beautiful!

croleyc69 said...

Holly,
I so wish I could come and all the rest of my gang. We will be doing balloons and of course she will be remembered so much. I plan on taking pictures for you. Out of all the times I lived in Ohio now I'm 2500 miles away.
Last year when I was pregnant I had such a mood and took naps alot.Get lots of rest when you can.
Prayers and {{HUGS}} always
Caroline

AKD said...

I can't wait to hear about Carleigh's birthday celebration! I hope your loved ones provide you the support you need, and that it's a day of true blessings for you.

The Ramirez Family said...

Wow yesterday must have been the day to be in a "mood." I left work crying my eyes out and didn't stop for hours. I hope that everything turns exactly like you want it too. I know how important these things are and I really hope it is perfect for you.

Jami said...

I admire your honesty.I will be praying that Carleigh's celebration will be all that you want and need for it to be, and that you get the rest that you need to grow that new baby sister for your girls!

Jami said...

Oops..I said "sister"...could be a brother! Maybe I know something you don't. :) God Bless!

Rebekah said...

This year I was a little hurt about the lack of rememberance of Levi's birthdate by some of our family. I know I didn't make my expectations known but it still hurts. I'm glad you're voicing your hopes and plans now so they do know and come.
Get plenty of rest!! I sometimes don't realize how grumpy I'm becomming until my husband insists that I lay down and take a nap :) The joys of pregnancy- lol!

Rachel said...

I hope you everything goes the way you would like. It is so much fun to turn their birthdays into happy remembrances. I know it fills my heart with joy to celebrate like we do for his brothers. You should create a fan page for your March for Babies team. That is what I did. It has been a great way to keep everyone up to date with our walk.
Take care!

Just Breathe said...

I pray you have a wonderful turn out for Carleigh's celebration and for the walk. (Sometimes we have to get up on the soapbox to get our point across)

Cecilia said...

I hope Carleigh's celebration turns out the way you want! If I was closer, I would definitely make the trip. We haven't decided how we are going to celebrate Ethan's, but I really want to go back to our hometown (where he is buried). Honestly, people haven't been living up to my expectations either, so I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. I hope that this doesn't come across the wrong way, but I'm actually glad you posted when things weren't going well. I'm glad I'm not the only one to have those days =)

Betty said...

you don't sound mean to me. I will be walking in the march of dimes here be me, also. Glad you are throwing a party for Carleigh. I'm not sure if I will be doing anything for Shealyn. I'll have to see. Anyway I hope you have a nice turnout...I'll be thinking of you.

Mary said...

For Lukas' birthday we had a snow storm so there was no planning of any kind. I kind of just wanted it to be us anyway. I hope that it turns out to be if not exactly close enough to what you want.

Catherine Anne said...

What a beautiful blog. Its so nice to meet you~

Nan & Mike said...

You have alot on the mind, weighing heavily, so don't apologize! I hope everything turns out beautifully, and it will be great because it is what you make of it :) I will follow your other blog too, so happy to hear your expecting news xoxoxoxoxox

Akul's mama said...

Akul's birthday is around the corner too and I do not know what to do. Our support group had a little cake for him at our last meeting and that was beautiful. These days are so hard. It is as if I have gone back an entire year and am living through losing my child all over again. Many many hugssss Carleigh's mommy ...many many hugss to you.

Once A Mother said...

oh Holly, you are entitled to a mood every now and again. I think your plans for Carliegh's birthday sound beautiful. she is such a special girl, and will be in all our hearts on her day.

Kristy said...

Vent away, thats what this blog is for...other then the obvious of keeping Carleighs memory alive. I hope her first birthday is everything you dreamed of and more, considering the circumstances. I wish it was a different first birthday for her, but I know she'll be looking down on your smiling at everything you did for her.

*hugs*

Heather said...

I think it is great that you are having a birthday party. I know it will be very special for you and your family.

I have thought long and hard about what I will do when I'm pregnant again, and am thinking I will probably start a new blog at that time too. I feel like my In This Storm space is for Madelyn.

Tiffany said...

I just stumbled on your lovely blog, and I am praying for you right this moment.

Laura said...

I hope the party is a huge celebration of her life and the gifts and lessons she left for all of us! We did the same thing- bigger the first year- more private for the rest!
Thinking of you- going to your family blog now!!! (I do the same thing- don't talk about my living babes on my "pause" blog...

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