Saturday, April 21, 2012

Reflecting

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately. I think mostly because so many of my friends have been celebrating the birthdays of their precious babies. They have made it through another year of life without their baby/babies and it seems so unfair. Then I think how we just celebrated Carleigh’s 3rd birthday. How has it been 3 years? I won’t lie, it has gotten easier and I’m glad for that but it still sucks a lot sometimes though. Like the times when a song comes on and it totally takes me back. Or when an innocent stranger asks about my kids. Even when I look at my girls who seem perfectly spaced in age yet what people don’t see is the little girl who isn’t there. These moments can tear at your heart. I know those who have been there get that.

I guess I’m just missing her more lately. For no reason other than I just am.

16 comments:

Christy said...

Missing her with you, Holly. <3<3 <3

Betty said...

That's all the reason you need. This year was easier for me as well....except forwhen people want to know about all our babies. That question seems to get harder. I'm sending hugs and prayers your way, Holly! Thankfully there will come a day when we will have our families whole again :)

Sue said...

I completely understand Holly. Time is a double edged sword. It's going to be 10 years for us without our Matthew this July. Sometimes it still feels like yesterday, and then a whole other lifetime away...

Allison said...

Im dreading Harper's first birthday. I think it really started hitting me today. I wouldnt be doing as well as I am with out all of the wonderful BLM's such as you and countless others <3 You are an amazing mother and Carleigh was blessed to know your love.

Tesha said...

I am so very thankful for a community that "gets it". You are such a good mommy your Love for Carleigh shines.

tomandcheryl said...

Missing her just because you are....sounds like a perfect reason to me.

When my sister gets asked how many kids she has, she answers, "I have 3 at home." She isn't leaving Kyle out but she isn't getting into the whole awkward conversation.

~Cheryl

Debby@Just Breathe said...

((HUGS))

DandelionBreeze... aka NYMum said...

Thinking of you and your precious little girl xo

Nan & Mike said...

Big hugs xoxoxo

Caroline said...

You know I'm always thinking of you & your sweet <3 Carleigh <3. So many times I think of you & watch my girl & at the same time I'm so glad I followed your journey. Carleigh will always have a special place in our hearts. xxoo

Jennifer Ross said...

Thinking of you this morning Holly....

I too, have been in that same "spot" lately.

xx

Trennia said...

(((HUGS)))
Some say time heals all wounds,but I don't agree.I mean I think we have moments of peace,but the wound never heals.

Mary said...

j'espère que les moments de paix seront de plus en plus nombreux, et qu'il s'agit là que d'un passage...

God's Most Precious said...

I COMPLETELY AGREE with everything you have just said! My daughter, Gabriella, had her 3rd Birthday in January, and yes it has gotten easier, but she is still not here and I MISS HER COMPLETELY!!!

I just want to kiss her and hug her... and I want to be able to say.... see I do have four children... even if you only see three!!!

Sorry I am in tears... praying for you my friend...
Monica
www.godsmostprecious.blogspot.com
I have a link-up for Baby Angel Momma's on Wednesdays if you would like to join.

CynthiaS said...

HUGS! I think that question of "how many?" will always be a hard one to deal with, no matter how many birthdays pass us by.

elena said...

*hugs* I have felt this way off and on since last year. What gets me too is when our youngest living child stands next to a child that is Lillys age and I get a glimpse of how much taller our youngest living child would be compared to little sister. :* my heart aches for me and for all the parents who have to feel this same ache.

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