Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Dear Carleigh

I don’t often write letters to you anymore mostly because time is a thing it seems I keep having less and less of. It’s a busy world that’s for sure. But Faces of Loss encouraged us to write a letter this month. I figured why not just do it today?

We just entered another year and it’s hard to believe sometimes that in just a couple months you would be 3 years old. I’d love to know what a 3 year old you would look and act like. Lord knows I’ve been missing you every day since you left us. My eyes long to see your face again. My arms ache to feel your touch. If only I could kiss those sweet cheeks just one more time…

This past year I have come to accept that not everyone will remember you like I do and that’s ok. I’ll always hold you in my heart. The whole world could forget about you but I never would and that’s all that matters. I held you the closest while you lived and I will hold you the closest until I die.

I have also accepted that it’s ok that I don’t visit the cemetery as often as I did. It used to bring me so much comfort to go and while it still does, it isn’t as important as it once was. I do still like to bring you pretty things though and give you new flowers. I want to always do that, even if I live to 90. If I can’t walk I’ll get me one of those power chairs. Wouldn’t that be a sight!?

My heart has healed some more over the past year but no amount of time will ever make it completely better. I know that it is ok to be happy and go on without you. I don’t feel like it’s leaving you behind because that is impossible for me to do. You can never be completely in my past because you continue to be my present and you are my future.

I know in my heart you are ok up in Heaven but I still wonder how you are. What do you do up there? Can you see me down here? Can you feel my love? Do you know how much I miss you? I hope you do.

Love always,
Mommy

14 comments:

Alissa said...

Beautiful idea, Holly. Glad you were able to find some time to write such an endearing letter to your daughter. Your thoughts show growth in your grieving...and in your belief that Carleigh will always know love. Sending big hugs to you always.

Michal Ann said...

Bless you, Holly, as you reflect on life with your precious Carleigh, past, present and future. You just wrote your letter so I'm glad I "happened" to check in at this time.

You touched my heart once again.

((hugs)) and a prayer, Michal

Melissa said...

Beautiful letter. I hope to have more acceptance over time for the fact that others will not remember my children in the same way that I do. I mean, how could they really, not having that deep connection with them like I do, but it's still hard to accept. Your letter gives me hope that with time I can find this too.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

What a sweet letter to your precious Carleigh. ((HUGS))

Linda said...

Such a sweet letter to your Carleigh!
You are an amazing mommy to all of your girls! I am so happy that you are expecting again.

Love, Linda

Lisette said...

What a beautiful letter. I can't believe it has been 2 months since I last posted so I can totally relate when you say you have no time.
I am sure Carleigh understands and is proud of you.

Stephanie said...

Thanks for sharing your heart once again Holly! Carleigh is a lucky little girl to have your as her mommy.

Fireflyforever said...

What beautiful words - and they echo some my own feelings towards my should-be-3 year old daughter too.

Mary said...

belle lettre mais je suis certaine que bien des gens se souviendront de Carleigh

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

Love your letter...such beautiful words to your Carleigh-girl.

Hope said...

so so sweet xx writing was so moving for me with kristin's prompt =)

Crystal said...

I just saw that and plan to write a letter myself. You wrote a beautiful letter.

Angela said...

I love that part about holding her while she lived and the closest until you die.

Momma of two sweet boys said...

My son, Noah, was born Feb 2nd, 2012 and lived for 49 minutes. I visit the cemetery a lot, because like you, it brings me comfort! I have his grave all decorated for Easter! This sure is hard!

Post a Comment

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Thank you for leaving a comment! I love receiving them and I read each and every one!

Remembrance Jewelry, Memorial Keepsakes
My Forever Child - Remembrance Jewelry, Memorial Keepsakes, Sympathy and Decorative Gifts to comfort those touched by the loss of a Child. Personalized, Engraved & Handcrafted Miscarriage-Pregnancy Loss Bracelets, Baby-Infant Footprints Charms, Custom Necklace Pendants with your child's Footprint, Handprint image or photograph.