Day 19 ~ Capture Your Grief

Support: Share about what has been the best support for you since the loss of your baby. Maybe it is a special friend or family member? A pet? An organization? What have they done for you? Where would you be without them?

The support of my friends, other babyloss moms (BLMs), who have been through the same thing has meant the world to me. I am so glad to have met so many on this road yet sad we have met at all. They get it when others don’t. They don’t judge my actions or feelings. Thank you to all who have been there for me!

This picture is from my most recent meeting of some other BLMs back in July.

What’s Mine Is Yours

I found this song through a BLM friend sharing it online. It’s so beautiful and it makes me cry.

Born in Silence

Approximately 3 million babies are stillborn each year throughout the world. In the US, that's one baby, one family, every 21 minutes.

Amazing video about stillbirth and just babyloss in general.

Grace for the Journey Conference

October 13th was the very first conference hosted by Sufficient Grace Ministries. We traveled up to Northern Michigan and the conference was held in the Petoskey area, so pretty far up there!

Kelly, my cousin Jillian, and I left Thursday evening to travel up to a cabin my family co-owns near Gaylord, MI. We got there around 10 pm (maybe later?) and got everything unpacked. We stayed up for a little bit and then hit the sack to get some sleep after being in the car for over 5 hours (me longer since I had to drive up to NW Ohio to get the other gals).

Woke up in the morning to a beautiful view of Bluegill Lake. So much beauty in God’s creation!

After some yummy cinnamon rolls, we got ready and set off for Petoskey as we had a meeting with a hospital in the area to talk about the ministry. The unit was very busy and we ended up having to leave and come back but that was no big deal since we just went and ate some lunch at a small family restaurant with some good food! The meeting went very well with some of the nurses and the manager from the unit and we left some information and items with them from SGM.

The pics below are on the way to Petoskey (such colors!) and driving in Petoskey (you can see Lake Michigan).

On the way to and back from Petoskey we noticed this little shop called String of Pearls in Elmira, MI. We stopped by on the way back and took some pics of it and then popped in to see what it was but didn’t stay long since it was already past closing but we went back the next morning to browse some more. The name of the store reminded us of the organization String of Pearls, which helps families with fatal diagnoses in pregnancy. I ended up getting a really cool clock for my house and also got another for the new space for SGM. :)

On Friday evening (Oct 12th), we ate at a local restaurant in Gaylord, MI called Big Buck Brewery. They have really good food and beer too (so I hear lol). I always get their homemade root beer. It’s good stuff! Kelly and I got 64 oz of root beer each to take home with us!

On the way back to the cabin I stopped by a little area on the other side of Bluegill Lake so that Kelly could take some pictures. The sky at dusk was very pretty over the lake. By the time we got home Friday evening we were pretty tired! We just put on our pajamas and relaxed the rest of the night before turning in.

On Saturday morning (Oct 13th) we got up and had some more cinnamon rolls and took off to Walmart to grab some more last minute things for the conference before heading to Petoskey. (Oh yeah, and we stopped by the String of Pearls too before heading up.)

Once we got to where we needed to be we unloaded and started setting stuff up. The time went by really fast and it seemed 5 pm was right on us and we were still trying to get things the way we needed but we ended up making it. The most trouble we had was with the computer for the powerpoints (of course).

Kelly spoke first and shared about SGM and her family’s story, Jenny spoke second and shared about her story and what to say and what not to say to families who are grieving. Kelly also threw some giveaways in the mix.

After Jenny spoke, we had an intermission and went downstairs to eat some BBQ pork, chips, and cupcakes. Holy cow that BBQ pork that Kelly brought was DELICIOUS!! And the cupcakes were so yummy too! When our bellies were full enough we came back upstairs and some of those who were in attendance had to leave. Then it was my turn to speak! I spoke about how to incorporate your baby’s memory into your family’s everyday lives and in celebrations.

Next on the agenda was a sort of discussion on sibling grief. Kelly, Jenny, and I sat at the front and talked about the subject but we also talked about other things too and interacted with those who had attended. We also had more giveaways too! (Oh, and in case you didn’t notice Evanee came with me for the weekend trip!)

We had planned on doing a lantern release but it was raining the whole day and we weren’t able to. Instead we had a candle lighting ceremony and remembered our babies that way. As we lit our candles individually we spoke the names of our babies. Mine ended up blowing out prematurely since I was bouncing Evanee the hot wax spilled out and took out my candles and got all over my hand and over the floor. Nice! lol

Once our candles were out we all took some time to talk and even goof off a little. And take pictures!!!

By the time everyone left it was after 10 pm and we started packing up. It was I think after midnight when we got back to the cabin. (Amazing story to tell in a post coming soon about the drive home!) We were all really tired but stayed up a bit once we got there. I think I ate like 3 or 4 of the cupcakes that were leftover!

The next morning on Sunday Kelly and I left for Petoskey one more time to go to Jenny’s church to set up a table for SGM with our info. Once the service was over and everyone had pretty much gone we loaded up and went back to the cabin and packed up all our stuff there and loaded it. We made sure all was tidy and then we took off to head back to NW Ohio. We prolly got back in the area close to 10 pm. I definitely had enough driving once it was all over!!

August 19th Day of Hope

Those in this online babylost community have become familiar with this date. If you don’t’ know what it is about you can read more about it HERE. In short, it is a day we remember our babies and speak out about our losses.

We really didn’t do anything special or out of the ordinary today. The last song we sung at church today was my favorite hymn, “It Is Well”. I love this hymn but my heart is a mix of joy and sorrow when I sing it. And ever since Carleigh, I cannot sing this song with tears welling in my eyes. How interesting and appropriate that we sing this hymn today of all days.

I didn’t even think of it at the time since we were so focused on getting all the girls packed up and on our way that we should have visited the cemetery. It’s been so long since I have been there and it would have been nice to go today. The weather was even beautiful. I’m sure Carleigh doesn’t care whether I go or not, but I think I would have felt better if I had.

I did think of her often today, which really isn’t unlike any other day if I’m honest. I also thought about all the sweet babies of my friends I have met on this road. So thankful for them.

If I had to tell the world something on this day it would be that babies do die. These losses are tragic and devastating to families. These children are much wanted and loved. We never forget and we never stop missing. Don’t be afraid to talk about our children. One of the greatest gifts you can give us is to show that they are remembered.

Helpful resources

I have updated my Helpful Links tab on my navigation bar. I have added some resources and deleted some that are no longer active. If you know of any that can be added or if any links currently on the list don’t work for you please let me know.

My niece ~ Leah Faith ♥

I hate that I have to write this post after the post about the baby book. The baby that the book was for was for the baby my sister was carrying. Everything was going well and then last week on May 2nd at 17 weeks my little niece, Leah Faith, was born still.

My sister was having some bleeding and cramping. She went to the ER and they admitted her and found her cervix was shortened. Just before they planned to take her to surgery for an emergency cerclage her water broke and then there was nothing that they could do. As soon as I got the call from my mom saying that she was losing the baby I left work, went home and packed our things, grabbed the girls from our sitter, and we drove back to where our family lives, which is about a 2 1/2 hour drive.

I was hoping that I could make it in time before the baby was born but it wasn’t long after I got on the road that my dad called and told me my sister had delivered at 12:04 pm. I made sure to tell my dad to make sure that they get pictures and prints. I also told him that I wanted to see her and to ask to keep her at least until I could.

I dropped the girls off at my parent’s house where a family friend was watching my other nieces and I went straight to the hospital. I got there around 3 pm and the first thing I did when I got into the room was hold my little niece. She was so tiny, yet so perfect. She was 6 oz and 8 inches long.  I made sure to bring my camera to take pictures for my sister and brother-in-law to have later. I knew the pictures the hospital would take would not be enough nor of good quality. I got some really great pictures of her that I know they will cherish.

I ended up staying in the room with my sister and brother-in-law the rest of the day. I stayed after everyone left and the emotions came out. I stayed when the funeral home came to get little Leah. I stayed past visiting hours and finally left around 9:30 pm. I went back to the hospital the next morning with balloons (a monarch butterfly and ‘It’s a Girl’) and donuts (for us and for the nurses). I stuck around until my sister was discharged.

I have to give a big thank you to Kelly, my sweet friend and founder of Sufficient Grace Ministries. She met me very late on the night of May 2nd so that I could have items from the ministry for my sister. She picked out a perfect baby gown for Leah to be able to wear since she had nothing and also a comfort bear, memory book, books on grief, and a mother/baby bracelet set. (All in a SGM tote of course.) It was much appreciate and I was so happy to be able to give my sister these items, especially the gown for Leah to be able to wear.

The service was planned for March 5th, my parent’s 33rd wedding anniversary. It was a beautiful, sunny day. My sister and brother-in-law decided on a graveside service after meeting with the funeral home the day after Leah’s birth. After the service there was a gathering and lunch at my parent’s house.

Both my sister and brother-in-law are doing well considering what they have been through. Their faith is getting them through this and I am glad I was able to be of comfort to them in such a difficult time. I just hate that they have to know what it feels like to lose a child. I never wanted my sister to know such pain.

I also never wanted to have to relive such experiences again after Carleigh but yet I have through my sister. Losing my niece brought up a lot of what I went through with Carleigh. It hurts but we will all get through this. Keep my sister and her family in prayer as they navigate this new road. There will be ups and downs as those of us who have already walked it know. And thank you to the many friends who have shown support for both me and my sister and have prayed for us and our whole family.

Above are the precious prints of my niece, Leah Faith.

Writing on the Wall ~ baby boards

I wanted to share about an awesome new project that my friend Misty has created. I met my Misty 3 years ago through the yahoo group ABFA when we were both pregnant with our babies who had been diagnosed with anencephaly. Misty gave birth on April 8, 2009 to her beautiful son, Isaac, who blessed his family with 70 minutes before entering Heaven. This project is in honor of him and Misty certainly found a beautiful way to honor her son.

The project is called Writing on the Wall. One of the very special things Misty does is create baby boards for babyloss moms to honor their precious babies. To read more about the inspiration behind this project and what she is offering for babyloss moms please visit her Babyloss Community page. She even has special pricing for babyloss moms who want a board for their baby-a discount of 30% off the regular price.

Misty made me my own board for Carleigh and it turned out so wonderful. (Plus Misty was fabulous to work with!) It’s so nice to have this board that says her name and I can see it every day. I was able to customize the color that I wanted my board along with the color of both fonts used. Fonts are also customizable. I even love the distressed look she gave my board.

The board currently sits in front of Carleigh’s picture by our computer. Eventually I’d like to hang a shelf to put it on.

Misty also offers individual blocks you can customize with whatever saying you would like. These start at $2.50 each. You could add your baby’s birthdate to a block and it would be a perfect addition to a baby board. You could even add a block with your baby’s birth stats too and then stack all the blocks to your liking.

The project just isn’t limited to blocks and boards either. You can have anything customized for your home, your car, or more. Misty sent me Carleigh’s name that I applied above the angel feet already on our van. I love how it looks even more than before!

If you are interested in getting your own baby board or other item email Misty at misty.writingonthewall@gmail.com.

If you are willing to do a blog post about the baby boards and help Misty spread the word about her new project, you can get 15% off your order. Just email her for details!

2012 Lost For Words Calendar

I’m sure many out there in this community know about Carly and Franchesca and their collaboration with the card line Lost For Words. Each of them makes fabulous cards dealing with the loss of a child. They also happen to make calendars too! Each of them have made a calendar for 2012 and both have been unveiled recently and available for purchase.

Before the unveiling they asked for quotes from babyloss parents and I submitted mine. I was so excited to find out that Carly had picked my quote for the calendar. My month is the June and I simply can’t wait to get one of these calendars to have in my house.

I actually came up with the quote 2 years ago when Kelly was asking to remember our babies for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. We could include a small quote for our babies and that is what I came up with for Carleigh.

Thank you Carly for choosing my quote! And thank you both for creating such a beautiful line.

You can purchase Carly’s calendar HERE and Franchesca’s calendar HERE.