tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post4845812606947588405..comments2023-11-16T07:27:50.279-05:00Comments on Caring for Carleigh: Funeral planningHollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15431384515813384025noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-26126990267591314392009-09-24T23:13:36.403-04:002009-09-24T23:13:36.403-04:00Thank you for posting this Holly. We are in the p...Thank you for posting this Holly. We are in the process of planning Fisher's funeral. It's good to know I can hold him again. I probably wouldn't have thought to do it during the viewing.Anna Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15312914317149834174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-90058710520148260632009-09-20T01:31:15.758-04:002009-09-20T01:31:15.758-04:00Love this post. We def need to put this together i...Love this post. We def need to put this together in a general stand point, so like take out the names. To add to the website this is wondeful info for parents during such a hard time.My Very Own Angelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11161573524158420326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-13027383904981180132009-09-18T16:37:24.302-04:002009-09-18T16:37:24.302-04:00God bless you.
There is no way of knowing how man...God bless you.<br /><br />There is no way of knowing how many people you are ministering to though by taking the time to write this all out, even through your own grief.<br /><br />I am so sorry for your pain. I am praying for you tonight.Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05519466607598547952noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-64289144040396194722009-09-17T11:12:57.645-04:002009-09-17T11:12:57.645-04:00Planning the funeral of a child who is still very ...Planning the funeral of a child who is still very much alive is one of the hardest things on earth to do...I was about 7-8 months when we planned everything for Logan. The funeral home was very kind & helpful. Up until I got Logan's dx I worked at a funeral home & cemetry selling caskets, vaults, grave plots, urns, and headstones....There was no way I could go back to that job & I quit the day of the ultrasound...<br /><br />I think you did a very good job. I wish I would have held Logan during the memorial service...That would have been nice.Nicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00578525668538181284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-14088444403940017082009-09-16T20:35:36.943-04:002009-09-16T20:35:36.943-04:00Hi Holly, I have been reading your blog for quite ...Hi Holly, I have been reading your blog for quite some time now, and wanted to start out by saying that I think you are an amazingly strong woman. I am sure going through each detail again was hard. I am pretty positive that you are going to help ease the fears of people who are walking along the same road. The only thing that I can really add to your post is that laws and regulations are different from state to state. Some places may not allow you to be so hands on, but don't be afraid to ask. I am glad that you were able to do all the things you did for Carleigh. I also wanted to say thank you for something you don't even know you did. I am just starting out in the funeral business. I am nearing the end of my degree. You taught me several things about how to work with families facing the death of a child that I was not taught in school. I am so grateful for finding someone who is so willing to share the experience. For you and all who follow your blog who are in your shoes...My heart hurts for you all. I will continue to pray for each and everyone who is suffering through the loss of a child.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-10599257434354766612009-09-16T20:32:40.736-04:002009-09-16T20:32:40.736-04:00You have done a great service to families who need...You have done a great service to families who need to plan a service for a child. I wish upon wish I could have had a memorable funeral for Meredith like you had for Carleigh. But, that is in the past - we did what we could at the time. Thank you for this post, Holly. You should send this to your funeral home as a guide for other families.<br />Blessings, SaritaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-48708162081458782672009-09-16T15:17:14.133-04:002009-09-16T15:17:14.133-04:00I'm glad you did this post; I never gave full ...I'm glad you did this post; I never gave full thought to how others might plan for a child's funeral.<br /><br />When things started looking bleak with Jeffrey, my husband made the call himself to the director of one of the 3 funeral homes in the county (he'd cleaned the carpet of this particular one and liked the director, who was young and extremely caring). We learned that we qualified for the 'Cherub Service' offered at that time; because Jeffrey was a baby, there were no charges.<br /><br />We opted for no embalming, so I don't know if that would have been extra. I also don't know if they still offer that service, but it was wonderful not to have to add expenses for a funeral on top of the reason for the funeral and everything else going on at that time, including a job loss for my husband!<br /><br />Because we live in a rural area, we were able to have Jeffrey buried on our property - on top of our little mountain next to an OLD cemetery that also has a 5-month old baby in it (Jeffrey was 5-1/2 months). We did have to have a road done to the top for vehicles (diggers and 4WD Bronco from the funeral home).<br /><br />Because I had held Jeffrey almost the entire time he was with us, I did not feel I had to hold him (long, anyway!) after his death. I got as much time as I needed. I bathed him (without having to worry about respiratory distress), clipped a bit of his hair, and dressed him in the gorgeous 'going-away' gown my sister-in-law had made for him. He was beautiful. The director of the funeral home came when we called, and he had brought a blanket for Jeffrey to keep him warm. That memory still makes me a bit teary.<br /><br />I never saw Jeffrey once he left our home. The casket was closed for the service, but there were pictures of Jeffrey - smiling! - all over. My mother-in-law wanted a picture of the casket because she couldn't be here, but I told Randy he'd have to get someone from the funeral home to take it. I realized some years later that I never saw it and don't even know if it was taken.<br /><br />We didn't have a viewing; we had a receiving line after the service at the funeral home (before we came back home for the graveside service), and it was wonderful for me to be able to do that AFTER the service (the funeral home kept asking if I was SURE that's what I wanted, and I kept saying, YES!). I did NOT want to do it before the service.<br /><br />After almost 12 years, we still don't have a marker. There are several garden angels around Jeffrey's spot, and we planted daffodils and tulips, too. There is a stone garden bench and a park bench, and it's all under a huge pine tree. It's peaceful, and the wild critters love it :) Some day, I'll think about a marker, but since I feel he is with me all the time, I haven't felt it was as essential as it would have been had his body been buried elsewhere.<br /><br />It sounds like you had what you wanted with Carleigh's service. I'm glad, as that is so important, not only for then, but for the years that follow.<br /><br />LucyLucy and Ethelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01034416537494911411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-90843047495276448182009-09-16T11:41:19.585-04:002009-09-16T11:41:19.585-04:00What a hard subject to think back on. I hope you a...What a hard subject to think back on. I hope you are able to help somebody out with all of the great information that you have written.Jennifer Rosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619769165667422761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-6626943312158259672009-09-16T02:14:53.773-04:002009-09-16T02:14:53.773-04:00Thanx for sharing that, you did a great job of pla...Thanx for sharing that, you did a great job of planning for her funeral. I have done my Dad's and my Grandma but nothing like a child. It still hurt but I know having things set in place helped us somewhat. I remember so much reading your blog and wishing I was still in Ohio and could have came to just give you a hug and see Carleigh. {{HUGS}}<br />CarolineCarolinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14698815527301107339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-77652051592207106682009-09-16T00:27:01.166-04:002009-09-16T00:27:01.166-04:00I just want to thank you very much for sharing thi...I just want to thank you very much for sharing this. I can't imagine how difficult it was for you and your husband to make these arrangements. <br />Holly, it is an amazing testimony to me, how you have been so strong in your faith throughout this heartbreaking ordeal.Nicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03029151568875554375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-561776049588676122009-09-15T22:26:29.819-04:002009-09-15T22:26:29.819-04:00Holly,
I just want to say that I really admire yo...Holly,<br /><br />I just want to say that I really admire your strength. I know this must have been heart-wrenching to prepare for. When we knew we were losing Jenna, my pastor and his wife asked if we wanted to plan her funeral or if we wanted them to do it for us. We had hope until the very last day that she would make it, so I never planned for a funeral her death, only for the hope of her life. Her last moments I wanted to be with her, so my pastor and his wife planned the entire thing. They did a marvelous job. I would never suggest babyland because they don't do perpetual care for those graves for some reason and it is just a different atmosphere. Thankfully my a few sweet ladies from my church went over to the cemetery to check it out and chose another spot in the cemetery, near other church members that passed recently. Another thing that the funeral home did that just made the gravesite service breathtaking was doves. They played "Jesus Loves Me" and released about 10 doves into the sky. It was perfect for her. That is something that made her funeral so sweet. <br /><br />Thank you for sharing. XXFranchescahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08362049658761399255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-80433053168944327882009-09-15T21:57:20.851-04:002009-09-15T21:57:20.851-04:00Holly, you did an excellent job on laying each det...Holly, you did an excellent job on laying each detail out. I know that this will be helpful to many.<br />I did my Aunts funeral last year which was difficult but nothing compared to doing one for your own baby. A baby you hadn't even meet in person yet. I love the idea of holding her for the services. How beautiful that must have been compared to looking into a casket.<br />Your really an inspiration and a great help to so many. I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that. It's so sad.God Bless.Debby@Just Breathehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11685398064340027809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-32493568184385383732009-09-15T19:45:23.377-04:002009-09-15T19:45:23.377-04:00What a great thing for you to post. Sadly, for so...What a great thing for you to post. Sadly, for so many of us, our children are our first experience with planning a funeral. We have no idea where to start or what to plan for. Looking back, I would have done things differently if I had more time or knowledge. But I did the best I could considering my sweet babies had just died. Thanks for sharing your experience. xxTinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15149337445828424583noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-35377417374986748212009-09-15T19:18:55.102-04:002009-09-15T19:18:55.102-04:00Thank you for posting this. We are currently going...Thank you for posting this. We are currently going through this stage in my pregnacy. My brother was nice enough to go for us however I know in the next few weeks we will have to go ourselves to make sure we have all the details squared away. I am really not looking forward to it but at least I do not have to tell them the whole story, they know now. Again thank you.Lisettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-75125608903363092832009-09-15T17:38:00.619-04:002009-09-15T17:38:00.619-04:00God bless you Holly, for creating a post that is s...God bless you Holly, for creating a post that is sure to lighten the burden of funeral planning for other baby lost mommas.Once A Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15974149780531831971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-72622819988682473032009-09-15T17:30:36.704-04:002009-09-15T17:30:36.704-04:00We still had my daughter while we were planning he...We still had my daughter while we were planning her funeral.. she was on hospice. About 3 weeks before she passed, we saw her getting weaker and knew she was slipping away.. I had a very hard time even discussing it. My husband and my mother in law researched cemeteries and funeral homes. We decided on one a little out of town, against the one down the street from my house. I have a 9 year old and to me, I didn't want it to hurt him each time he rode by..even the possibility of it was too much. We chose a local owned funeral home. They were so kind and able to donate alot of their services, even the casket..they went above and beyond anything we could have expected.. They came to pick her up at the hospital after she had passed ( a pastor) and he had tears flowing down his face..he was so gentle with her, which made it easier to let her go with him.. We did bury her in the babyland part, the only thing I don't love is that it had to be a flat memorial stone..but we were able to tell them exactly what we wanted..its so surreal that so many others have to endure this pain..the loss is enough, but to plan a funeral or service for your own child..ugh.. its heart-wrenching..Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07386710835021940223noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-35851845062952334712009-09-15T16:32:49.794-04:002009-09-15T16:32:49.794-04:00Wow, Holly. I can't believe you had to do that...Wow, Holly. I can't believe you had to do that while Carleigh was still living and growing inside of you. I'm so sorry. It sounds like you had a beautiful service for Carleigh. What a nice idea to hold her through the service.Breehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03894396436704042272noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-31666109661729552002009-09-15T14:58:06.920-04:002009-09-15T14:58:06.920-04:00What a helpful post Holly. I too wish I had read s...What a helpful post Holly. I too wish I had read something like this before planning our Grace's funeral. I felt bullied by a lot of the details and everything just seemed to happen so fast and sudden that I didnt feel like an active member in a lot of the decisions. One regret that I have is that I took bad (IMO) advice and allowed them to give me sedation medication. It made me feel numb and I think harder to come to terms with the reality of what was happening. I wish that I had been able to have that time to realy be in the moment and been allowed to grieve with out being in a haze. <br />I would also suggest that when you are looking for a cemetary you look at how the grounds are kept. I keep her site well groomed but there are times in the summer that I feel the other sites are neglected a little.Lighthouse Photographyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01581964920297814096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-77728239392600526062009-09-15T14:01:10.948-04:002009-09-15T14:01:10.948-04:00Thanks for sharing. I wish I came across more info...Thanks for sharing. I wish I came across more information like this when I was trying to plan Wyatt's funeral. I think you made really good decisions. <br /><br />I'm fixing to head out the door to go grocery shopping, but will add to what you have written when I get back. I'll send through e-mail and you can use what you want.Daniellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08757012023474934032noreply@blogger.com