tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post2580156254607827083..comments2023-11-16T07:27:50.279-05:00Comments on Caring for Carleigh: I'm not who I wasHollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15431384515813384025noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-74583035731457012192009-10-04T17:55:18.609-04:002009-10-04T17:55:18.609-04:00Holly--
I was reading a bunch of your posts and st...Holly--<br />I was reading a bunch of your posts and stumbled upon this one. Glad I did. I relate to so much of it, as do so many other moms on this journey. Also, I read your mom's and sister's comments and wanted to let you know that I was touched by your mom's comments. I don't usually read comments but I was glad I did. I'm sure my mom feels much the same as yours. She hasn't put her foot in her mouth, if that is what your mom did, but I think she wishes I talked to her more openly. I don't think she is jealous or hurt by my blogging about my feelings but rather is happy that I have an outlet and that it helps me to write. I hope your relationship with your mom is a healthy one and she can show you the love that you need right now. <br />I was sad when I read your sister's comment. I hope that I can give you an objective and unbiased view by letting you know that you need to do what you need to do. And if it is not in her plan for you, so be it. I have 3 sisters of whom I am pretty close to and my loss has definitely been hard for all of us. I know they don't understand it all and just as they used to be able to finish my sentences, now, they dare to guess what I am thinking--if they are brave. I don't think it is appropriate for your sister to put pressure on you to be there when her baby is born. It's okay for her to want you there and hope you can be there but I really hope she understands that you may not be able do it. <br />Please don't be mad at me for this comment but I just want you to know that you have support here, if anything, when your family doesn't qutie understand. I guess we can't exepct them to ever fully understand us. Of course they love us, but unless you're on this path, there's that part of us you'll never know.<br />Hugs,<br />ChristyChristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04211125719068555386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-43312783527674640572009-08-22T09:53:55.547-04:002009-08-22T09:53:55.547-04:00I've been meaning to comment on this since you...I've been meaning to comment on this since you first posted it...my computer doesn't always cooperate. Thank you for your honesty and openness regarding your feelings. Way too often, most of us (including myself) keep the feelings bottled up and don't let others know what we're going through. <br /><br />There are so many wonderful outlets online now that allow you to open up and bear your soul. These didn't exist when I lost my son 7 years ago, I wish they did. But I did join an online support group and make a simple memorial website for him. These were very therapeutic and healing for me. <br /><br />Through your blog, you are not only receiving support, but also giving it to those who need it. And it is in giving that we receive. <br /><br />Here is an online list of do's and dont's for family and friends if you want to print it out:<br />http://myforeverchild.com/store/WsPages.asp?ID=3My Forever Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17182466231146044887noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-46400698877755404862009-08-10T19:52:35.971-04:002009-08-10T19:52:35.971-04:00I saw your link on Kelly's blog and stopped by...I saw your link on Kelly's blog and stopped by. This post means a lot to me, because it is exactly how I feel! I am a bit of an introvert anyway, and I think losing Ethan has made me even more that way. I wish others understood why I've changed and that many things, particularly the magic of pregnancy are gone. Thanks again for your honesty, it means so much to be able to identify with others!Ceciliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06295293307771882688noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-40935701707221275532009-08-07T23:37:02.133-04:002009-08-07T23:37:02.133-04:00You couldn't have said it better! I've exp...You couldn't have said it better! I've experienced and continue to experience the same types of feelings and situations as you described in your blog today. I lost a dear friend of 8 years because she kept pushing me to "get back to normal quickly". I'm praying for you and like you am thankful for the computer and the ability to read others stories to help cope with the loss of our babies. God Bless. mimiMochamamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17853322913454909483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-50831672099406569412009-08-07T19:31:38.158-04:002009-08-07T19:31:38.158-04:00What a great post- so very true.What a great post- so very true.Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14307488368657585482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-90587488647843529592009-08-07T08:11:32.323-04:002009-08-07T08:11:32.323-04:00Holly, if people can't love you for the perso...Holly, if people can't love you for the person you have become and are becoming they were never really your friends to begin with. I didn't know you before you were pregnant with Carleigh, but I know that you have helped me learn and grow in my relationship with God. Seeing that he will only give us what we are strong enough to handle and what we will use in our lives to help others around us. I look up to you in way that even I don't understand. YOu are a strong women, don't worry about what others think!The Runge Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15688461304995801849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-52019302837010919792009-08-06T20:25:14.816-04:002009-08-06T20:25:14.816-04:00I don't know what to say. I would hope that yo...I don't know what to say. I would hope that you wouldn't avoid me just because I'm pregnant because I am your sister and I need you there too. I hope when the time comes for this little girl to be born that you and Anthony are there just like you were for Audrey. I hope you wouldn't avoid it. It may not be easy for you, but it would hurt me too. I don't know what was said to make you feel obligated to write this, but I'm guessing it had to do with mom (going by her comment)?? Don't take this the wrong way because it is not my intent, but I see the hurt in mom when she finds info out through other people or through the computer. Trust me, it hurts her. I know you don't open up (at least not in person), but all mom wants is to know how you are feeling and be able to communicate with you in person or on the phone...not on the computer. I hope I didn't hurt any feelings. I have to get used to the "new Holly" just like everyone else. I have my own opinions just like everyone else, but I would never tell you to feel a certain way, just like I hope you would not judge me on how I feel. Remeber to keep God your #1 focus.Katrinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00479844379805336690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-395352027417399242009-08-06T13:09:40.906-04:002009-08-06T13:09:40.906-04:00Holly,
your post really touched my heart. You ar...Holly,<br /><br /> your post really touched my heart. You are so right. No one knows your pain or your feelings but you and the Lord. I couldn't even fathom what you have been or are going through! <br /><br /> All I see on this side is a strong woman who is trying to do the best with what the Lord has given.<br /><br /> All I can say or do is pray for you and be that soft gentle, listening ear for you. Please know I will not judge you or anything like that. I would love to just be an outlet for you to use in your times of struggles.<br /><br /> You have truly touched me! God Bless You Holly!Sherry (aka mamasherry79 on CM)noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-32682567879270353132009-08-06T11:36:03.126-04:002009-08-06T11:36:03.126-04:00Praying for you so much. No you shouldn't have...Praying for you so much. No you shouldn't have to explain yourself to others. Know that I think of you daily. Yes you are a different person & it's ok. You have been through alot. Lots of HUGS. Again I'm glad I met you online. <br />CarolineCarolinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14698815527301107339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-31492449996902052352009-08-06T10:42:42.160-04:002009-08-06T10:42:42.160-04:00Holly, I just wanted to say thanks for just openin...Holly, I just wanted to say thanks for just opening up and being real about how you're feeling. There is nothing wrong with being completely honest. You have opened up my eyes so much in the short time that I've known you and last night I went to bed thinking about what you shared with me on the email you sent me. Thanks so much for taking the time to do that and letting people like me in to your heart and life.Veronicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10661962552592158223noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-40338618713098283232009-08-06T10:17:18.684-04:002009-08-06T10:17:18.684-04:00Very well said. I don't like leaving the house...Very well said. I don't like leaving the house. I hate it when people assume I should "be over" Wyatt's passing by now. And I have lost a lot of "friends" because they don't understand what I'm going through. <br /><br />Losing a baby sucks all by itself... but all the aftermath just adds salt to injury. <br /><br />Please know that when you feel alone and like nobody understands what you're going through, there are many people here who love you and pray for you daily. We get it. We accept the" new Holly" with open arms and hearts.Daniellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08757012023474934032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-48604829270279076912009-08-06T09:59:30.660-04:002009-08-06T09:59:30.660-04:00Holly...thank you for sharing this so honestly fro...Holly...thank you for sharing this so honestly from your heart. You expressed so much what I felt in the early years of my grief...and, I suspect the cry of many grieving mothers' hearts. Life for me was measured in what happened before Faith and Grace and Thomas and what happened after. I was forever changed. And most of those changes, God has shaped for good over the years. But I remember the anxiety and worry. In some ways, I have battled more anxiety than if we hadn't lost our babies. We were much more protective of Timothy and James. And, I think I have babied James more because of the years I longed for a baby to fill my arms. Thank you for having the courage to share this for those who have not walked there...and may not understand what it is like to be completely changed by the life of one little baby. May you continue to feel His arms around you as He carries you...and please know that you are welcome here anytime. You will be loved and embraced as you share your heart here. I am so grateful for the understanding I have found here, even so many years after my losses. I treasure this blog-family.<br /><br />Love you,<br />KellyKelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministrieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11182310611088290551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-20556324585824830042009-08-06T09:49:36.958-04:002009-08-06T09:49:36.958-04:00Actually, Holly, I am amazed you are able to do an...Actually, Holly, I am amazed you are able to do any of those things (blog, talk to people, work, leave the house, etc.). It's a real testimony to how much God is lifting you up and helping you. ~DebbieDebbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12448140232721222635noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-44822609156199346642009-08-06T09:47:39.646-04:002009-08-06T09:47:39.646-04:00I am so very sorry for your loss and although I ha...I am so very sorry for your loss and although I have never lost a child, my neice did.... He was still born and it was a very sad time for all of us. His name is Jordan and he would be8 this year....doesn't seem like it has been that long. When we talk about him I always use his name and not just "the baby" for me , he was and is a part of our lives and will always be remembered. I think it is wonderful that you want to talk about your baby Carleigh. Some tend to want to keep it hushed but every Momma wants to share things about their baby and I think it's wonderful that you can!Crystalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09104601064360764442noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-63984777423184361372009-08-06T02:12:28.781-04:002009-08-06T02:12:28.781-04:00Holly, I love you for this post. I am also touched...Holly, I love you for this post. I am also touched to hear more about your journey with grief - - although I'm finding it's more and more like mine. Thank you for sharing. It's hard to be vulnerable.... Love you.Mistyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10497823064126116308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-78764523935826905072009-08-05T23:47:35.211-04:002009-08-05T23:47:35.211-04:00It's DancingK, Katie (or Harley's mom) fro...It's DancingK, Katie (or Harley's mom) from CafeMom. I can't say I understand how you feel because Harley is still fighting. But I can say that I feel the same way. I see pregnant women and get that sour feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wish I could go back to those times of bliss, before Harley got sick and I found out she was dying (or so the diagnosis says: that only goes so far because God has the final word). I know I can't and that gets me through it. My neighbor has a daughter a month older than Harley and I love seeing her (her name is Sierra), but it saddens me to think my daughter could be doing the same things and playing with her. All my friends have babies or are having babies and at times it's hard to be happy for them. It's like Harley was meant to be, meant to be that age and meant to be playing with all our friends' kids, but she's not. It hurts. Sorry this is so long, but it helps to get it out and I wanted you to know you're not alone. I know you have alot of friends, especially online, but I'm here if you need to talk, too. = )Katie Pollockhttp://www.caringbridge.org/visit/harleynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-63860895468288239632009-08-05T23:36:12.021-04:002009-08-05T23:36:12.021-04:00Oh sweetheart my heartbreaks for you because I hav...Oh sweetheart my heartbreaks for you because I have been right where you are. Everything you wrote felt like it came straight from my mouth. You are not alone and there is nothing wrong with what you are thinking and feeling right now. I know that since I am a little further out I can see things from a slightly different perspective but right now you have to work through your grief in your own way. It is a process and there is no right way to grieve. I deal with people not understanding why I am not "over it" yet.<br /><br />I can say that the anxiety does get better with time but I am still working through it. All I can promise it that you are in my prayers. I am also going to add the people in your real life that God will bless them with more understanding.Lighthouse Photographyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01581964920297814096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-74678506457040447652009-08-05T23:34:52.205-04:002009-08-05T23:34:52.205-04:00I would like to add a couple things to your list.....I would like to add a couple things to your list...I don't care if my house is spotless, it just doesn't matter. And I really don't feel like cooking anymore, plus it would require me to go to the grocery store, which leads back to not wanting to leave the house!<br />xx,<br />TinaTinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15149337445828424583noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-78638299440130358032009-08-05T23:24:58.596-04:002009-08-05T23:24:58.596-04:00Sending you some internet hugs!!!!
JenniferSending you some internet hugs!!!!<br />JenniferAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-18151608085834987082009-08-05T22:43:16.350-04:002009-08-05T22:43:16.350-04:00What I want to say is "Good for you Holly!, I...What I want to say is "Good for you Holly!, I hope that post of therapeutic, exactly what Carleigh's blog can be used for." But I don't know HOW you felt writing it. FEELING all of that is hard enough - but feeling like you need to explain yourself (or care about what other people think) - just adds unnecessary weight. You most definitely will be a different person! I hope you always feel that you can express yourself on here with no discrimination! <br /><br />Have you been listening to "I'm Not Who I Was" lately? An idenifying song - has it been speaking to you?Aprilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11868036971902162708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-27184711694942423542009-08-05T22:41:29.618-04:002009-08-05T22:41:29.618-04:00Holly there are alot of things I would like to say...Holly there are alot of things I would like to say. But I will say you are not crazy, you are acting normal for the situation you have gone through. No one knows how they will react until they have gone through the experience. You have to cope and you are doing a very good job at it. Experiences shape who we are. No you will never be the same because something that was suppose to be there is not.Mindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14252681980904277127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-3843627811265758492009-08-05T22:35:47.756-04:002009-08-05T22:35:47.756-04:00I know that must have felt good to write. Like you...I know that must have felt good to write. Like you said, you shouldn't have to explain yourself and you don't! But using Carleigh's blog is the perfect tool to release some pressure - I read and don't judge. "I'm Not Who I Was", are you listening to that song a lot and identifying with it? Great song!Aprilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11868036971902162708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-84722010018645290632009-08-05T22:34:18.913-04:002009-08-05T22:34:18.913-04:00You are so young to have had to go through so much...You are so young to have had to go through so much already. You have every right to feel whatever you feel for as long as you need to. Praying for you as you continue your journey...Jamihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07886775236861296339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-53014426138574018602009-08-05T21:57:36.396-04:002009-08-05T21:57:36.396-04:00You're right, you shouldn't have to explai...You're right, you shouldn't have to explain yourself. I hope no one has told you to get over it. It's not like some boyfriend from high school. Both Holly's have been good people who try hard to love their family and please the Lord. That's what matters.Brookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00800791815698444473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3142944844041536061.post-66064033929822404472009-08-05T21:27:33.878-04:002009-08-05T21:27:33.878-04:00I think that it's so great that you have this ...I think that it's so great that you have this outlet for your feelings. I wish that I would have been blogging last year when I was so alone. I had tremendous anxiety about leaving my house and any type of group situations. Since I had other kids, I had to get them where they needed to go but it took a toll on me. I wonder if it would have been easier if there weren't so many things that I HAD to do. <br /><br />Since I am a year ahead of you, I want to tell you that you are just where you should be. You are growing, changing and dealing with your grief in a healthy way. Your wounds are raw and it's normal to want to protect them. My advice to you is to keep talking about everything. Healing comes from that. <br /><br />You ARE different now. I don't know how anyone could be unchanged after losing a child. Though it's a tremendously high price to pay, and you never would have volunteered for it (nor would I have)...it is a gift. You will have a deeper love for God and your family, you will have an eternal perspective on things and God will use you to be His hands and feet. <br /><br />I just love you to pieces for all that you are and for the friend that you have been to me.<br /><br />Hugs (and kisses too)!<br /><br />TrishaTrisha Larsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02426915708825675793noreply@blogger.com